Sexual anxiety

[woolston27]

Hi ladies. I am looking for some

Advice and support from ladies suffering with the same problems as me. I have stage 4 Endo which effected the bladder and bowel and major ovary damage.

I have been through 3 Endometriosis surgeries the last one meant removal of both ovaries.

I also went through ivf which failed.

Over the last few years I have suffered with low self esteem and lost my identity as a woman. The biggest issue I am having is sexual confidence and libido.

As time as gone on I have lost all interest in sex, and the fear of pain and discomfort due to the changes the lack of hormones has caused down there has turned me inside out. I fear sex and get tearful and anxious when anything sexual is suggested. Even things that are just for him.

It’s really effecting our marriage. He is so understanding but I know deep down it’s hurting him that I don’t want to be intimate with him.

I am worried I am pushing him away. I have ordered a vaginal dilator set online to try and help make things more comfortable but I think it’s more in my head now. Has anyone had sexual therapy or have any tips? I can’t take HRT as it brings back my bowel Endo. I can use vagifem but it has minimal effect and I don’t know how safe it is to use regularly, thanks x

[RachaelE]

I can recommend someone who’d be happy to help you at no charge. Can I message you?

[woolston27 in reply to RachaelE]

Yes please x

[scadman]

I was in a similar situation after having 3 lots of vaginal prolapse surgeries. My gynaecologist warned me that sexual activity may be difficult , if not impossible. But after the last surgery he advised trying "Vagifem" twice a week and "Replense" moisturiser every 3 days. This comes in a pre-loaded applicator, which you use in the morning it softens the internal tissue and removes dead skin cells. He did also advise a few Gin and Tonics before sex would also help, and after the first couple of times it all been ok. I was told to use these products for as long as I intended to be sexually active. The Replense is fairly expensive, but I get it on prescription from my GP.

[woolston27 in reply to scadman]

Thank you !

[RachaelE]

Personally, I wouldn’t use Replens. Some of the ingredients can lead to thrush and other annoying conditions. YES Lubricants and Moisturisers are my preferred choice and are all plant based and organic. Their water based lubricant and vaginal moisturiser are available on prescription or you can buy it directly from the YES website. Definitely worth trying vagimfem though. That’s localised oestrogen that can help to restore the delicate tissues which thin due to loss of oestrogen. I use YES vaginal moisturiser which I get on prescription and I also buy their oil based lubricant which is lovely and can help to alleviate vulval itching.

Here is their website, for more information and where you can find the information your doctor would need to prescribe it.

yesyesyes.org/nhs/

I’ll message you about the other thing.

Rachael x

[RachaelE in reply to RachaelE]

Btw, vagifem is safe to use for the rest of your life as it’s only localised and not systemic. It isn’t classified as HRT. X

[Hidden]

Have you been seen at a bsge accredited centre to have the bowel endo properly treated? x.

[woolston27 in reply to Hidden]

I did yes but they didn’t want to go any further with the surgery as they weren’t sure it would have a positive effect, and the risk after a resection could mean I would be not better off afterwards. X

[Hidden in reply to woolston27]

In that case I would recommend asking to be referred to a premature meno specialist (if you haven't already) - the daisy network has a list on their site. I was referred on to one this year after having my hysterectomy/oophorectomy/excision last year. They are much better at managing the HRT than a GP or endo specialist and may have some idea how to help you, and given your age you also need bone density scans. My sex drive has also completely tanked since the surgery which is very difficult as I think the disease and then the surgery hurt your self-esteem enough as it is, especially if you're premenopausal, without that on top. It was one of the things that my meno specialist asked me about and he said we have to remember that this is major gynaecological surgery and it's perfectly normal to feel averse to sex afterwards, often for quite a long time. He did say that they can give us testosterone supplements to kick start things if we feel that will be helpful - I have my next appointment with him next week and it's one of the things I will be asking for. Hope that helps.