Catch 22

[IanAG]

I’ve felt the need to retreat to my bed for the last four days as everything was beginning to feel a little overwhelming. Trying to rest, I’m dogged by the fear that this will exacerbate my mental illness and lead me down the road to depression, so here on day four I’m finding it difficult to really rest with that nagging on the back of my mind.

It feels like a real catch 22.....I need rest but when I try to get it I feel as though I’m getting depressed.....I return to getting up but when I do I feel generally unwell.

I’m also concerned that I’m addicted to the iPad and social media because it’s the only thing that gives me some semblance of social contact during the day when Veronica’s at work. Yet I’m sure that excessive use of said iPad is over stimulating and so tires me. Ditto for watching TV.

Just needed to share, that’s all.

Ian

[moo196]

You need rest, BUT you also need activity.

I know I feel much better if I have been out and about doing something.

In my early months I forced myself to stay with a half hour planned self imposed routine. Half hours of breakfast, walking, resting, yoga, listening to music, crafting, lunching, music, chatting, resting, paperwork, preparing dinner, bath, eating, colouring book sleep..... **switch any of these for something more personal to you gardening, sorting photos, watching sport etc

I still have good/bad days but have found enough benefit from that sort of thing that I sometimes return to it.

Right, must practice what I preach and get up!! 🙂

[ErinSAH]

Hi Ian, I find going out for a walk or if I can’t do that a sit down in a quiet park or coffee shop with outside space. Try tire yourself out physically too. The iPad is probably tiring you out mentally but not physically.

Make sure to go outside when you can too, it can be beautiful even to watch a sunset somewhere. If you find it difficult at the start, try and build on it every other day and it will soon get easier.

I had a brain haemorrhage and this is what I do as I struggle to tire physically when I’m mentally exhausted. But when I’m unwell and have to rest, I just do that too.

Iv found little small steps can make a big difference and if it doesn’t work, just try something else. Thing is to keep trying 😊

Hope you feel better 😊

[Hidden]

Ian, listen to what moo has said. Try to get outside in the sunshine, it's wonderful for depression. Listen to the birds, watch what they are doing, admire the plants. It is wonderfully restful and try to empty your mind of everything except what is around you. Resting doesn't have to mean going to bed - listen to music, do colouring book like Moo, maybe a jigsaw or try some gentle exercise, try yoga or pilates or even just stretches.

[Pat-rick1]

I totally relate to what you are saying.you really have to push yourself and try get out side .

[steve55]

hi mate, ive become a recluse. i use to go out with my wife at the weekend but now prefer not to, my contact with the outside world is through social media and tv till the early hours although im usually up by 10am.

my wifes at work, although these days shes a shift worker so shes off different days of the week, not just the weekend as before.

i tend to go for a 2hr snooze if shes working or a one hour snooze if shes off.

i would say your depression appears to stem from boredon, unlike me youre not happy with your own company, you need to go and see what can fill the void until your wife gets home from work.

[cat3]

Ian, like others, I'm sure that a regime of getting outdoors daily, if only for a walk around the block, would help to break the cycle of lethargy.

Early on after my BI I got into the habit of walking the 30 minute round trip to & from the newsagents for a paper, come rain or shine, and with each outing I became more & more connected with the world and less inclined to hide away.

Only you can tackle the apathy, meaning you need to commit to sticking to a routine of getting out of your comfort zone even when you're happier not to. Why not start tomorrow ? 😳 x

[deborah27]

it's like having to try so many ways to feel well when it appears that everyone around us doesn't have to put that much effort into feeling ok. the whole thing is exhausting. then the worrying starts, am i wasting my days? is this all in my head? am i being lazy? should i push myself more? what's wrong with me now? bla bla bla... even more exhausting stuff! maybe have to just accept some things and learn new ways, sometimes easier said than done. i am doing all of above and resting when i can and working when i can and sleeping when i can and seeing friends when i can... and the list of 'when i can' goes on. days go by and the next thing is - a week has gone by and then a month has gone by and i am still doing everything when i can! it's a bit like the man pushing a boulder up a hill! BUT, i am glad i have the boulder and the hill. i think that the new eccentric and at times weird me might have some endearing qualities, hope so. i am still me inside my heart, my body just doesn't get it. oh, and as for this brain of mine, well... what can i say. only that it is mine and it needs me to look after it.

[Hidden in reply to deborah27]

Excellent reply Deborah and just how I felt about my recovery in terms of the boulder and hill. I'm pleased to say almost 3 yrs on (which doesn't seem possible, feel like I've lost a year) that I'm definitely over the peak and on my way down the other side. Whether I'll ever get to the bottom and be totally recovered remains to be seen but I'm trying. 😁 Good luck with your recovery too. X

[Mufc]

Ian I find myself watching a lot more tv than I use to before my tbi. I am also addicted to my iPad. So you are not alone this site is really good for us to realise we are not abnormal there are lots of people who do the same as we do. I guess while your partners out at work you need to try and fill your time😩 I am fed up of people telling me to find a hope. I understand it is the best thing I could do but I cannot nothing interests me now. As my husband is divorcing me I guess I will have to to keep myself busy.

Mufc