Hi , I had a RTA in1987 but I can't come to terms ... - Headway
Hi , I had a RTA in1987 but I can't come to terms with my brain damage I get upset with my self and stop talking to all my friends :(.
Hi Kathy. Sorry to hear you're struggling with after-effects of brain injury. Maybe you could tell us in what ways you've been affected e.g. memory problems, fatigue, short temper etc..........
and how your particular issues impact on your daily life ?
Regards Cat
I certainly have memory problems, fear of confined spaces due to the car being crushed, anxiety issues and short temper with those that do not understand what I am going through. I also suffer with brittle asthma due to the punctured lung in the RTA and the early onset of osteoarthritis and I do not like depending on others .
I fine it hard to trust people because that no one understand what it like for me everyday 
Kathy, have you had any form of therapy; I'm thinking in terms of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's purpose is to help you examine your frustrations and anger and learn to rationalise negative and disruptive thoughts. It has helped many people to significantly alter their behaviour, which ultimately improves their daily lives. Why not ask your GP to refer you to a CBT therapist............It sounds like you have nothing to lose and maybe much to gain from such therapy.
It's up to you Kathy, but you need to push for treatment if you're to get some control of your life & health.
I sympathise with the osteoarthritis; I had sudden onset after a brain haemorrhage 2 years ago and I find it hellish.
Cat xx
Hi cat yes I tried but I did not under stand that was really hard for me .
Can you explain what it was you didn't understand ?
I can't sorry :).
OK, are you saying you've tried CBT and it didn't help ? I'd like to try and help you Kathy but need more information. Can you help me out a little with more details ?
Thank you for understanding me :).
Hello Kathy - well there's plenty of us on here who will relate to what you've said and what you suffer; mine was twenty years before yours, I lost all my friends and now only have a couple. There's no point in not coming to terms with your TBI because it won't go away; my advice for what its worth is try to work out tricks to overcome your limitations. Good Luck.
Hi Kathy i hope you can get some comfort and support from being on this very good site , I was only part of a family that had in a RTA and i saw how it affected the loved ones around me and how its taken away the life we once had , share your problems theres lots of good people on here with ways to help you x.
Hi Kathy,
Don't beat yourself up over it, you have enough on your plate as it is. Keep strong, each day is enough of a battle already without the added trauma and stress. If you ever need to chat and talk over your problems, you're certainly in the right place. ANY time
Andy
It is a struggle - but you will overcome a lot of things in time, a difficult place to be in. My daughter found the first two yrs very hard, but now has a full life albeit different one. Talk to people here, you are not on your own in this, take care xx
I have very few friends who I am in regular contact with now, my oldest friend from school has stuck by me thr thick and thin.
My relationship has suffered greatly, I argue a lot more and am quite explosive, it's a miracle he's still here although I can't guarantee it's going to be the same by the end of the month.
I found that once I stopped trying to fight the effects and work with them,life got a whole lot easier.
There is no magic wand although I think this page is as close as you can get. Lots of people who understand and can offe advise.
Hi
If you need someone we are here to listen and give support
Hi Kathy
Im studying Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it sounds this is exactly what you are suffering. It can remain dormant for years and suddenly come 'out of the blue' (Parkinson, 1997).
It's perfectly normal if you've experienced as you have. I've had a number of traumas, including rape (7 yrs ago) and suddenly in december last year I became very scared of black men (I'm not racist). To overcome this fear I saw a CBT and it helped loads. See your GP and hopefully she/he can offer therapy. In the meantime try camomile and lavender tea. It helps me relax loads
I have don't work cautery sorry I just stay in then people can't look at me :(.
This is avoidance. Do you have family and friends who can help you? Continuing to avoid may cause even greater suffering. Theres no right or wrong way to respond to trauma. I talk about it loads to get help and advice. It can get very annoying because people think i'm looking for sympathy. However, those with empathy accept its the best way for me to relieve anger and overcome my experiences. I also have to accept there's not one day of my life I won't think of 1996, 2007 and 2012. I just have to stop those thoughts from interrupting my day. Good luck.
Cauthery is absolutely spot-on Kathy. If you can talk about your fears and feelings, if only to us here, you will realise that hiding away is both unnecessary and a waste of your life. Everyone deserves the best quality of life possible for them and you are no exception. So however low you're feeling, give us a chance to help you and I promise you'll never be judged here. 
x
Hi Cathy, I agree with all said before me, especially take one day at a time, some are good and some are bad its what we have to come to terms with - I now live in a different country and an old friend from work back in texts me almost every day and says hi, r u ok?. Its not much but means so much because she cares. Mood swings affect so much how you deal with situations.
I very nearly put a question up just now which would have been full of negativity, although I've just had a couple of good positive days, but reading all the replies to your question has yet again put so much into some kind of perspective for me that I won't be asking that question! That's why HW with all its members is the best place to be to ask your questions and confront your demonss! Hope things work out for you some time soon. xx
Fine it hard
I generally never know what to say so on the whole I lurk and say nothing, but I feel some sort of strange compulsion to try to say something helpful here. I checked out your profile, and maybe it's because your oldest boy is my age, or maybe it's because you've been dealing with the after-effects of your injury for over 20 years like me (my RTA was in 91). Anyway, enough preamble, except to say I will prefix everything I say with "in my experience":
1. It's hard to come to terms with it.
2. It's hard to separate out what is you how you would have been anyway, and what is you because of the head trauma.
3. Emotional things can be hard because they're hard enough as it is for 'normal' people, but I can't reason with my emotions like (I imagine) 'normal' people can.
4. Social stuff is hard because you don't get it. Maybe you do, personally, but I don't.
However, also in my experience:
5. Love is real. I adore my children and my wife and her family and my family. I'm not too fussed about many other people, but I love the people I know how to love and they enrich my life (as well as driving me up the wall a lot of the time...I'm just starting to learn to take the rough with the smooth though ).
6. As well as loving the people mentioned above, they love me, which feels good.
7. I like to find little packets of completeness in my life. A little goal achieved, a small deadline met, an apparently insignificant routine adhered to. Brilliant.
I don't know anything about you so probably what I've said you're already doing, or won't help you one bit. I hope it does though.
OK that's fine Kathy. You've made a start. There's nothing to fear here.........just friends. Please tell me what you did yesterday as a way of introduction. x
This is really hard to say this because it hurts me. My reading I find hard doing also spelling got bad also my understanding people . I fill really silly :(.
Oh Kathy my heart goes out to you, you write all my inner feelings. I appear to be so "together" but it's all a ruse, I'm like the proverbial swan all calm and serene on the surface but paddling like hell underneath.
Makes people think all is well but all you want to do is scream and shout, that all is not well, but it does help the days to pass, and each day that passes I make sure I have achieved something, and I don't beat myself up any more if all I want to do is sit and read or play games on my iPad .
I found my kindle helped with my initial reading problems cos I could increase the text size, that helped and now I have it normal again.
I know it's sad but my days are filled with crafts, I have found a new affinity for paint by numbers, all those numbers were very confusing at first and my hand is not always steady, but the improvement in my fine motor skills is good, and it fills my days and satisfies that sense of achievement.
I'm going to progress now to counted cross stitch, should be interesting, when I first took up my knitting pins I spent ages correcting the errors I made!!!
But this is the right place to vent those frustrations, but you do have to accept the new you, it's not going away, I find it hard to let go too, I'm sure it's PTSD.
Let us know how you are getting on xxxx Janet
No one is going to judge you, plenty have variable spelling and at least at times struggled to understand people.
I am so stress out got to get forms fill in PIP forms fill in trying to get help but can't get anywhere . Got DLA for life but they sent me new form out 1997 I got for life now I don't no what to do . Sorry :(.
Kathy please don't ever feel silly. Everyone here has been impaired to some degree, and it sounds like you've been severely affected by your injuries. For me it's my short-term memory and balance which are the biggest problem. It takes me ages to write replies (I can sit for 1/2hour at a time trying to find everyday words).
There are others here who struggle with spelling & expressing themselves but none of that matters. All that matters is that you keep making contact and trying to express how you feel.
And by forcing yourself to do this, you'll help to free yourself from your (unnecessary) embarrassment.
Please stay with us. I will pester you otherwise !! 
Cat x
PS There are Headway people who will help you with claims. Just phone the helpline on 0808 800 2244 mon-fri 9am-5pm and you'll get help/advice. The call is free and the staff are lovely. x
Thank you cat x.
Hello Kathy
I had my TBI 50 years ago and I went through it without support I know its difficult but we can help without been judgemental
Kathy, did you try phoning the helpline for help with your claim ?
i really feel for you and have honestly lost most of my friends since our RTA as has my younger sister, and i spend a lot of time on my own now (i do have a pet parrot though that has truely helped with my lonliness over the years) but my advice would be please don't give up on CBT, one cognitive behavioral therapist may not be any help at all but another may save your life, i find its all about finding a therapist who is on your wavelength and completely understands you and gets where your coming from. i wish you all the best, kas x
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