I can't take this anymore

[RachelRose92]

Hi I just signed up to this in a quest to find some sort of support and understanding. I'm 23 and have been struggling with endometriosis for years now. I've had the standard surgery for it but it didn't help like everything else I've tried. I feel like this disease is ruining my life. I've lost many jobs, friendships, relationships and my mind to endometriosis and I don't know what else it can take from me. Nobody seems to understand what I go through and people keep saying things like " there's worse things out there " " don't you want to do anything " " you just have to make and effort " and " it's all in your head your just pathetic " hearing these things takes me to a very dark place as I already feel depressed over the way I live anyway. I feel like I can't live a normal life and I'm unsure if I ever will. I try my very best to put on a brave face and do as much as I possibly can but it gets so exuasting I can't work as the pain is relentless and I fear that I will let people down as this disease is unpredictable. People just think I like to live like this doing nothing and bludging off tax payers money but it's just not true!!! Who wants to have no purpose sit indoors all day and have no money to buy nice things or do fun activities , it sucks I can't do that and be normal grrrr I get so frustrated because nobody seems to care unless your in a hospital. I recently moved out of a flat with my beat friend and boyfriend because I just couldn't cope with the judgement and I coudnt compete with my best friend as she became very close with my boyfriend. I just can't go do things and go out drinking like she could with him. I had to move back in with my father as it brang me to tears every time they left to do things together just thinking I was pathetic in bed. I HATE ENDOMETRIOSIS it's not fair I just want to be normal like everyone else. I have depression because of this and I just can't take it anymore ! I cry all the time I can't pretend I'm okay anymore. I feel so lost and alone......