Need support grieving for my Dear Precious Man who passed away. I am All alone in the house, and wonder how others have coped with losing someone they loved so dearly.
I have been caring for my Significant Other... - Care Community
I have been caring for my Significant Other for the last three years. Last week, he passed away. I am in Terrible Grief, and all alone.
Written by
Weatherwoman
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
23 Replies
•
hi there! I know it’s not the same but I looked after my dad for 6 years and was then left on my own. You will cope! If you’d like to message rather than be public please feel free to send!
you are all alone in your grief but we all survived somehow and so will you. it helps to go out for a walk or to a friendly cafe. i used to go out every day for a cup of tea and to read the paper. just simple ordinary little things that help things seem normal when nothing is.
i only know how things work in the uk but it helped me to have a counsellor from the Hospice every week - fornight for a year so that I could talk to her endlessly and repetatively week afterweek without need to drive my friends away
the MSA coalition is the equivalent group in the USA
Allow youself to grieve for as long as you need -there is no should, one day you will think of a memory of him with a smile a nd you will know you have seen the light at the end of the tunnel
Thank you for your reply & how you coped. What does MSA Coalition stand for. Let me know, & I could look up their phone no. Thanks.
Thank you for your reply to me. Whether it be a Sig. Other, Mother, Father, Sibling, etc. especially if we were close & caring for our loved one, then grief is grief! It's SO hard & I am glad you coped. I don't know how to message, and that would be fine --need to walk me through that. Thx.
if you go to the top of the page you will see icons, one of these is an arrow and chat? You can have private conversations there
Thank you.
Dear Weatherwoman,
Yes a Terrible Loss and I, Truly Send, My Deepest Sympathy. I fully agree, with the suggestions, that Others have made but make One 'Other' Point..... Namely that you Are NOT Alone..... WE ARE 'HERE' FOR YOU! Please DO contact, any of us, if you need to Sweetheart.
Please know that Our Love, and Prayers are with you Weatherwoman.
AndrewT
Thanks for your sweet & caring message. It is good to know that this site IS here for me, and I know I can contact any of you.
My deepest sympathies.... my own experience having been through some tough things.. is that we need time to grieve... but eventually we adjust and sometimes reinvent ourselves a bit given such a big event.
It's just SO hard now. Everyone says it takes time --I hope they are right. Thanks for your hopeful msg.
yes they are right. you may go though all sorts before you heal. you maybe angry, you may be knocked of course by stupid things you are not expecting. you may see HIM in the street as you catch a glimpse of someone who looks a bit like him or who stands or walks the same way but eventually you accept that you have lost him and instead ofhis loving presence ,memories will come back of the good times and laughter and you will be able to reconstruct your life as a better person because of the time you spent together and what you were able to do for him.
eight years on I am living with in an amazing new relationship with a man with similar experiences... he too is what he is after years in a good marriage and we both respect our former partners and talk about them. from time to time. they are no longer here but they are not forgotten
you arre nowhere near ready for this but i just want to show you that however dark the time it can get better
I hope so that there is light at the end of the tunnel --It's All so Raw now. I am so glad that you & the Man you are now in a relationship with found each other. I just started working with a Grief Counselor, and that helps some. Thank you for your reply.
My sympathies to you on the loss of your husband. I nursed my husband for several years. It was very difficult at first, living alone. You may find it difficult now, but you will get used to it eventually. Losing a loved one can make one feel nervous and also lead to a lack of sleep.
Organise your house, so that when bedtime comes you feel as comfortable and safe as you can .
Often, it's difficult to go out and about after a bereavement. When you feel able to, go to the shops, accept invitations from people you are comfortable with, invite someone in for coffee. These things will give a purpose to your day.
Grief is hard, but it is the price that we pay for love and we can dwell on the happy memories as well as being sad for our loss.
My very best wishes to you. X
Thank you for your understanding message. Yes, right now, I feel all lost & alone. I have no children & family live far away. I have friends who live not that close to me, but don't like driving across bridges, etc. Yes, when I go out now (and, I'm not going out much now I feel So different than I used to. I hope, in time, that things will be better. Thx., again, for your post.
Hey there weatherwoman how’s things for you now?
Thank you for asking how are things now. I would like to say, okay, better, but things in some ways are worse! It will be one year this coming Nov. that my Sig. Other passed away. I can hardly believe it's been almost a year. I miss him more & more as time goes by, but the intensity is not as steady --some days are really bad, and other days not as bad. I found a really good Grief Counselor who has helped me. However, to make a very long story short --I had to sell the house (everything now in Probate & in the courts), and became homeless, and now living with my Brother & Sister-in-law which is Miserable (too much to go into), and will be moving soon out of State. It's all SO overwhelming All the changes in my life which has caused more stress & depression. I am hoping, eventually, to get my OWN place which will help immensly. Again, thank you for your post.
hey there. Know what u mean bout some days being bad and others even worse, but as you say the intensity ebbs and flows? I suppose it will depend on the day as well as what’s happening day to day? Sorry to hear about your home (or lack of) and have my fingers crossed that you will find a place soon. It must be so difficult not having a comfortable environment and not knowing what or where things are going to take you next?
Thank you for your understanding reply. I am now in the new State --it hasn't even been a week yet, and finally got my computer going. I do have a Niece & her family not far from where I am; but, I haven't seen them in eleven years, and sort of like strangers in a way. I have to force myself to socialize & not feeling comfortable. I don't want to be All alone, but find it hard to be among some people. Also, have to put on the "OK Mask," which is hard to do. Everyone is So happy & enjoying their life & I feel like a "fish out of water!" I miss Mike (Sig. Other) terribly, miss my friends that I do feel comfortable with, miss the place where my home was, don't know, like you stated what, or where things are going to take me. I, feel like a ship out to Sea drifting --SO many changes! Keep your fingers crossed that I will get my OWN place where I want to live. Thank you!
oh I so know those feelings weatherwoman! Wasn’t much of a socialiser anyways but it’s even harder now. You don’t ‘have’ to put on ok face for anyone! Just to make others feel ok?? Have u tried grief counselling weatherwoman? Don’t say it lightly as I know how hard it is to talk with people about stuff. Where would u really like to live?
Thanks for your reply. I feel like I have to put on the "OK Mask," as don't want to bring the others down (in family) who are all "happy-go-lucky," --I can be "me" with my friends, but not with these fam. members! I have a Grief Counselor, and she has helped & I can cry & tell my True feelings to. However, since I moved to this new State, I will have to find another Grief Counselor, or a Grief Support Group as I am not sure I want to start with another counselor. Want to live in the State & Area that I lived before! Fingers Crossed, and prayers for that!
hey there weatherwoman how’s things with you? Have u found a new counsellor? Which state n area did u live before?
Hello: It's been a long time since our posts on here! I have moved back to the state where I wanted to be. Have friends here, and see them, but not often. Am taking a couple of classes, back to my crocheting, walking a little more (not enough), going out by myself, or a friend. But, the Sadness I feel inside is most of the time. I miss SO much my dear Sig. Other & just being with him. I am still in a Grief Support Group. No longer in individual counseling with a Grief therapist as time limit! How are thing with you. Grief has no timetable --it maybe is less intense than it was; but, then again, it comes in Waves (as I've heard & find to be true). Some days are worse, some days better!
hey, sounds like you’re doing something to start the healing process weatherwoman. Small steps (not with the walking tho, I find I can allow myself to think without the close sharp memories at home). Glad to hear ur in the place u know and like, could be the familiarity helps you feel safer somehow? You’re so right with regards to the waves, first tsunamis but they gradually change into more manageable and less destructive ones. I still have bad days, but not as bad as they used to be, occasionally still slip into the tears and berating myself for not doing more to help/understand my dad. But overall I’m so glad I moved him in with me after his wife passed even tho it got sooo frustrating at times! But the better days are beginning to last for longer. Good ur getting back into hobbies too! Recently lost my job but it means I can play nicely in the garden again, good for my mental health!
