hi all, am new to the site my name is karen i'm in my late 50's and suffer fro c.o.p.d, as this is my first contact with others with the condition, probably a question frequently asked, i feel that i have to try and do things that are bad for my condition so as not to concern my family, i suffer like mad when they have gone. is this a natural feeling in general.

20 Replies

  • Hi Karen, I must admit I can be guilty of that especially things like emptying the ash from the fires. Makes me cough and wheeze but "of course it's fine" is my usual answer if anyone asks. Daft aren't we :)

  • thank you for responding nice to meet you. i'm just finding my way around the site. to be honest i wish i had found this earlier a mountain of info not just from drs but from suffers.

  • Hello Karen, and welcome. I was guilty of doing what you're doing right now until I thought to myself "how would I have felt if my mum had been ill and was turning herself inside-out so she didn't upset me ". I would have felt dreadful if I could have made life a little easier for her, and given her the support she deserved. It was at this stage that I decided to share things with my children.

    Take care. Pam XXX

  • Hi Karen nice to meet you. I totally agree with Pam, try putting yourself in your family's place and imagining how you would feel in their shoes. You are denying them the chance to show how much they love and care for you, though you are doing it from the best of motives I know. x

  • hi, nice to meet you too, thank you for your kind words.x

  • You are more than welcome Kazz01. x

  • Welcome kazz, l hope you enjoy being a member of HU. It's full of good caring people so ask any questions.

    Pete, my husband with sarcoidosis and COPD, is always saying he's fine to others but l get to see how he really is at times. Xxxxx

  • its the worrying about their feelings and seeing their faces full of worry that i hide it, thank you for your message, i felt your pain writing that you see how he really is at times. I'm going to take a couple of days and think this through.

  • A very warm welcome to you Karen. I'm sure you'll enjoy being with us.

    I understand completely what you mean. I always struggled on myself as I didn't want my husband & children to have to take care of me. It was my job to take care of them. I was the strong one, I could do anything & everything.

    Not now though! But since they all know & understand my condition & my limitations because of it, I'm actually happier.

    I get wonderful support from my family & friends & they are happy to give me it. I'm happy to accept because there's a trust between us. I don't pretend if I feel unwell & they don't worry about me because they know where they stand.

    Please share your concerns & put your trust in your family & you'll not regret it. They would be so hurt to think you didn't trust them to help you.

    Take care & keep in touch 💐

  • thank you so much.

  • Hi Karen I think a great many of us are guilty of that, I know I am. Welcome to the forum,and please feel free to ask questions. Hope you are well at the moment,keep in touch we are all friends here. Love Berny😊 xxx

  • Hi Berny, thank you, lovely to meet you. i feel a little lifted already cannot believe iv'e not found out about this site before.

  • Hope we cab stay in contact I like making new friends . Take care 😊 Berny xx 😊

  • Hi Kazz, welcome to the forum most of us try to play our illness down in front of the family. It is to do with independence too. Lots of small things can irritate our chest but it usually passes off soon. bye for now.

  • Hi Karen welcome to the site was very much like you untill the day my daughter saw how breathless I was after hovering. I sat down with my family and told them what life was really like and gave them a information pack to read.

    No one will ever know what it's like to have COPD unless they have it and this is where this site comes in handy we all know what its like. We are always hear to help and support on your bad days take care

  • Hello Kazz, welcome to our little family, sometimes it is just easier to talk to others who know what it's like. It's good to let your family know too so they can support you. Time to give yourself some extra tlc...find out what you can do to help yourself...there's a lot you can do to help yourself...nutrition and exercise and avoiding colds and germs at all costs!

    Lovely to meet you😀 huff xxx

  • Good morning Karen, and a warm welcome from me too:-)

    Absolutely perfect advice from Pam. Anything to make life better for you and your family, and stop worrying.

    Very good wishes.


  • Hi Kass and welcome to the forum.

    I think that this is problem that could be attributed to many dibilatating illnesses.

    I work hard to try not to burden my family to the point of stupidity.

    For me, feeling guilty, when I can't do, what I think I should be doing, is a major cause of my anxiety.

    At this time, my breathlessness isn't causing me much trouble. But, I have other 'Invisible' illnesses, that do impact my ability to do things others take for granted.

    They have flared up over the last few months and have made me have to tell my Sons, that I am struggling with almost everything.

    My eldest one, that makes sure I eat, takes me shopping ect ... said, he'd already noticed it so, they do notice these things. xx

  • Welcome Kazz. Don't deprive your family of the right to help and support you - it's not fair on them or on you; a problem shared.....etc. You've come to the right place BTW, we share and discuss anything and everything and there's always someone who comes up with answers.

  • i think we are all guilty of that i feel embarrassed if im in a group and theres always one person that shouts out are you ok barb and then people look at me as everybody dont know all my family do and my partner hes brill when we out even with the our children and the grandchildren and i stop he will wait while i breathe but he will pretend to be looking at something so the focus isnt on me which helps me massively and then when we are in home he will say dont do that i will do it but i say i want to do it and when i cant breathe i will stop and then carry one when i can. but welcome

You may also like...