British Lung Foundation
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Thanks Mum & Dad


1. MY MOTHER taught me to appreciate a job well done;..... " If your going to kill each other , do it outside. I have just finished cleaning"

2. MY MOTHER taught me religion......... " You better pray that comes out the carpet !! "

3. MY FATHER taught me time travel....... " If you dont strighten up, Im going to knock you into the middle of next week.!!

4. MY FATHER taught me logic..... " if you fall out of that swing and breake your neck, your not going to the store with me !!

5. MY MOTHER taught me more logic.. " Because I said so thats why !!

6. MY FATHER taught me irony....... " Keep crying and I'll give you somthing to cry about " !!

7. MY MOTHER taught me about the science of osmosis...... " Shut your mouth and get your supper " !!

8. MY MOTHER taught me contortionism.... "Just look at the dirt on the back of your neck "!!

9. MY MOTHER taught me Stamina.... " You can sit there until all that spinach is gone "!!

10. MY MOTHER taught me about weather....."This room looks like a Tornado went through it "!!

11. MY FATHER taught me the circle of life ".... I brought you into this world and I can take you out."!!

12. MY MOTHER taught me about Behavior amaodification....... "Stop acting like your father"!!!

13. MY MOTHER taught me about Envy......." There are millions of less fortunate children in this world , who dont have wonderful parents like you do"!!

14. MY MOTHER taught me Antcipation......" Just wait till we get home "!!!

15. MY MOTHER taught me about recieving..... Your going to get it from your father when yo get home "!!!

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21 Replies

Hi malk,

That is hilarious. Love them, and thank you for giving me a laugh. :) :)

hugs from Huggs xxxx


Hi Malk,

I certainly do!! I have a serious neck problem at the moment, which is not really curable, just to be managed, and I am wondering if number 8 lesson was the cause. lol

They really are good Malk. I will copy them and share them around. Thanks again.

hugs from Huggs :) xxxx

your very welcome Huggs. Malk.

I have just re-read them again, and I still had a good giggle, they really take me back. I wonder who made them up? They are soooo good. lol

hugs from Huggs xxxx :) :)

My dad was a keen gardner. use to say . " look at them ears you could set potatoes in them "

take car Malk.

No dont take car. take care.

Oh you took me right back. Except I never went to a store. We went to shops. lol.

My favourite was

you're both getting a smack because then I know I've got the right one.

where's the fairness in that?


My favourite was

you're both getting a smack because then I know I've got the right one.

where's the fairness in that?

Very good. My mother taught me science as well - 'You can't have a bath now I have just turned the washing machine on' :) x

( First class.) keeps the brain active thing them up !!

so funny loved it. Joyce

Great stuff and so funny, although it was said with some seriousness at the time. Another one was (when you were older) "If God meant you to smoke, you'd have been born with a chimney on your head!"

Not heard that one before Nikkers !!! Ups !

So true and when you have your own it is said all over again! Even though you have said I will not say that to my children?

That took me back! X

really good malk, :) i remember them all,:D i've still got the scars to prove it :D ,, when you read them,their very funny, but actually true :D all the best malk,, jimmy :D

Same to you jimmy . ARE You looking forward to Christmas, or is it still the EW YEAR with you, was married to a scottish girl at one time, come to think of it jimmy between the three wifes , I should get in the EU easy. ENGLISH / SCOTTISH / AND BOTSWANA. Malk.

hi malk, now malk theres no good in getting greedy :D

yes you would get in the EU very easy lol, :D

i,ll probably have xmas dinner at my sisters, but new years about played out here now,,, apart from the young ones at the big new year party,, think ill just "await the bells " a few phone calls, then kip lol,,, jimmy :)

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