Exhale Tax!

[Offcut]

Government have decided their Anti pollution and clean air efforts need to be paid for! Due to great movement to improve air quality it is going though parliament to pass a exhale tax. It has been found after years of research that the average human exhales 15 times a minute. This has found to be detrimental to the environment as it is all the bad things that are coming out. So to help clean this up the money will partly go to improvident to air quality 10% and the remainder to the higher wage bill of the MPs and to clear the bar bill. The amount that will have to be paid by all humans over the age of 18 will only be 1p per exhale. This will also be controlled under licence by WONGA as they realise a few people that are not MP's may not be able to pay the £78,000 required to pay this tax bill and may need a short term loan to keep the tax man happy.

Once this goes though parliament it was leaked by an insider that they are at the green paper stage of the Flatulence And Rectal Trauma Act (F.A.R.T.A 2014) which will not allow people to break wind in the workplace or public buildings and will have the same fines in place as the smoking laws!

[sassy59]

I am trying to just inhale as I type Offcut and as for the other end! well what can I say?! Keep smiling and take care. xxxxx

[Offcut in reply to sassy59]

Always someone trying to get around the system

[Hidden]

Bloomin Nora, due to both ends exhaling this is gonna cost me, but I will fight it and say I shud have 2 exhales for every penny as I can't breathe out all in one go, lmao. X Sonia x

[angse]

Oh lord

Tell me you are joking, lol

[Offcut in reply to angse]

As long as an MP does not see this and starts thinking?

[Hidden]

ha ha ha. Well I think Mp's should be paid a minimum of £120,000 a year to pay for all the hot air they keep producing! x

[Offcut in reply to Hidden]

I would not pay them £12.00 a year, any of them.

[scorpiolass]

Love this offfcut but I think you are right about not sharing this - it might replace the bedroom tax! x

[Offcut in reply to scorpiolass]

I only have 4 lounges and no bedrooms now so I must be sleeping rough?

[Louisiana]

Have they discussed this with the cows yet??

[Offcut in reply to Louisiana]

They tried to milk as much out of them as they could but some of the MPs had to much of a steak in them.

[Louisiana]

Excuse me whilst I pick myself up off the floor

[Ian123]

Exhaling into a paper bag and posting it to the third world a trick from industry where carbon offsets are the normal answer.

[Hidden]

We are lucky, our local councillors are heroes as reported on TV on Call the Council. Enjoy the programme but like everyone I know cringe every time and its a lot, they are called local heroes. You would think they worked for nothing. Joyce

[DozyDormouse]

My car has exhaled it's last breath. No charge.

My dog has just exhaled from her bottom. Will pay when I appear from under the covers.

I am collecting my exhalation in a bag to send to my me. Not paying.

Setting up an action group

Stop Heinous Idiotic Taxes or S.H.I.T. For short.

All members get an exhalometer to measure and dob pretentious exhalators in.

Take care

Dozy xxx

[Offcut in reply to DozyDormouse]

I see another self help group forming We Inhale Now Decide. W.I.N.D

[FarmerD]

I,m just hoping David Cameron does,nt have spies on H.U. Or this will become law.

[Dragonmum in reply to FarmerD]

He has them on every forum FarmerD, will you join with me in forming the Personal Emissions National Insubordination Society? This must be fought at the highest level up to, and including, Civil Disobedience. Whatever is in the wind we must fight!!!!!!!!

[FarmerD]

I have not been obedient to this bunch of selfish morons since they came to office and have no intention of being so,roll on the revolution!

[Offcut in reply to FarmerD]

Have I unleashed a monster

[undine]

lol thank you - except with this current lot maybe not so far fetched ......xxx

[onamission]

MP's are full of BS are they taxed every time they open their mouth