I hate mentioning my age because I'm the same you, a person with heart issues.
However I look at most of you as my family, my aunties and uncles so I have a question on relationships. Well it's more asking for advice
Me and my ex boyfriend Joe broke up about 3 weeks before my CA, I had no contact with him as I was heartbroken and blamed myself (although I still don't think I was in the wrong) a few weeks ago I messaged him and told him what had happened to me, we've carried on talking via text since. He lives in Mexico at the moment (we have met in real life but he got a job over there where is is from) we have planned to Skype tonight I'm nervous and excited.
I really missed him, I still love him but I'm worried if we did start over would it end up like before, should we just be friends? Should I cut him out of my life? Or should I give it another go if that's the way we decide to go.
Any advice would be grateful
V x
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Valentina98
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As one of the aunties and a woman of the World my only advice would be that at the moment you are Geographically incompatible.
In very few cases long distance relationships work, I am talking about Scotland to Wales, or Cornwall to Newcastle so the UK to Mexico even less chance.
I don't know what plans he has to return to the UK in the near future but for now it seems a friendship is the best you can hope for.
I won't offer any further opinion as I don't know either of you in the 'real' World.
It mightn't be want you want to hear, Valentina, but I agree with Auntie Heather, a long distance romance would be hard but friendship is something to be valued. Also, like Auntie Heather, I've none of my own but am Auntie 8 times and Great Auntie 10 times over and don't I just love it!
When I read what you looked as us like regarding family thank goodness Grandma was missing
So reading your delima don't blame yourself for you splitting up the first time never do that there are 2 in a relationship remember that and so both need to take responsibility as in most cases neither have been 100% perfect and not played a part in things breaking down
Next long distance relationships a very tricky one that is will he be stopping there for the foreseeable ?
If so would this be the meaningful relationship you want for yourself someone that you could hardly ever physically see , be with do things together ?
Some are quite happy with that but if I am honest I like to be with someone where we can spend time face to face in person and do things together that can be there to hold my hand when I need it
You say you still love him but are you in love with him they are two different things
I still loved my ex husband but I am in love with my Husband that has suffered the last 30 years having to be with me
Do you trust him been in Mexico been faithful to you ?
I think if you are questioning this something may not be quite right
Unless he has done something bad to you then there is no reason to cut him out your life though
But if you think you are better of as friends then can you control your feelings and just be friends ?
If not then it would be better to cut him out your life as when you have been in a relationship again for most not everyone it can be hard to see them in the friend zone for instance if you did and he said he had met someone as you would say to just a friend do you think you could cope with that or would it hurt you
It is impossible for me to say which to do as you have to make that choice I can point some things out for you to think about and suggest when you are listen to your head not your heart ( sorry no pun intended there ) because you heart will always draw you to someone even if it is not the right thing yet your head will tell you what is but we can tend to ignore it
You are young and you are a very clever young lady with a whole life ahead of you
You deserve only the best someone to love you and respect you and be there for you when you need them
If he ticks these boxes then go for it if not then never settle for second best because you are worth the best and have plenty of time to meet that special someone unless you believe you already have
I know you are intelligent so I know which ever way you go with this you will make the right decision for all the right reasons x
I also thought Hidden thoughts were good to as a man's way of thinking can differ from how a women thinks and he has raised some good points giving you even more to think about I would imagine x
Hi Valentina. I can certainly see your point! I took the liberty of looking at your Profile and can see you are very young, I was also diagnosed with Heart Problems at a very young age so I understand completely. Firstly, I would say, the most important thing is your Heart Health and the possible Stress this could cause you. We ALL know Stress and the Heart don't go well together! You really don't need that. You could point this out to your 'Boyfriend' and see where it goes from there! You could get that with anyone you meet and not just because this is 'Long Distance', at the moment anyway 😊. I know of a few Couples who have married through Relationships like this and they are still married and seemingly happy ❤️. I really hope you can sort this out. In the meantime, just enjoy your Skype Talk! 😊❤️👍PS: My Nephew is living in New Zealand now after marrying a Girl from there. We never thought that would last, but it did! 😊
Ha, I'm definitely not one to ask after 2 divorces and more than one long distance relationship (China) .Having said that , Skype, see how it goes just take your time and consider your recovery!
Affairs of the heart are seldom straight forward especially with factors like health and a long distance in the mix.
I had a relationship with a guy who lived 3 hours from me (twice) and that was hard enough and we were in the same country.
Do you even know that reconciliation is on the cards from his perspective? Or is he just being a friend?
There’s a few things I would consider if I were in your situation:
- how did you feel when the relationship and was Joe enhancing your life?
- if you hadn’t contacted Joe and told him what you’ve been going through, do you think he would’ve contacted you?
- in the past has Joe put in as much effort to the relationship as you have?
- is it possible that your CA has caused you to have a little wobble and you’re reconsidering this relationship for the wrong reasons and through fear?
- what would the future look like if you got back together, are you prepared to move to Mexico one day or would Joe move back to the UK (if you want children at some point and neither of you would be prepared to move then the relationship is unlikely to go anywhere long term)
My advice - be true to yourself, stick to your principles and have the confidence to know your own worth.
When I was 25, I broke it off with my boyfriend of 5 years because I realised that the relationship wasn’t right for me. It was really hard and I started to worry that I would end up alone. I even considered a route into motherhood alone. I’ve now been with my partner almost 7 years and we have 3 beautiful children together and I have 3 bonus children too - I’ve ended up with a family that I never knew I wanted and the relationship has its ups and downs but I am grateful for what I have.
Don’t let fear stop you from having what you want out of life, the right person will be ready to go on that journey with you.
Hi V, I am not really one to advise on others relationships as l made some wrong decisions in my life. The only thing that came to my mind was that if you do not see what happens you will always have a question mark was he the one? However you really don’t want a relationship that is an emotional rollercoaster especially after being ill. The distance could be a hazard but if you really love each other then………. love can move mountains. Hope it that helps. Xx
I think what you want now, is just a dream inside your head. You need love and comfort at the moment and you feel that he is the one that you would like it from.
Was he really the right person for you if you're honest? Were you totally on the same wavelength? So why did he get a job in Mexico and not stay with you, or ask you to go with him? We can't really give an answer without knowing why you split.
Honestly, if I were you I'd look for someone new. Go forwards not backwards.
It will be interesting to hear how you get on chatting tonight.
Jean
Where was you lot before I made all the mistakes I made in the past? still that makes me wiser now { doesn't it ? }
Just talk, talk, talk, look hard and see what is in front of you and not what you want to see, listen to all his words and not just what you want to hear.
You teach history to kids, your already a heroine in my eyes,
As my gran said " don't pick other wrong one, pick your nose ! " { she was mad }
I’m the grandma v think carefully might this not stop you going forward with a lovely new fresh relationship and no comparisons if this is lurking in the shadows x
I am 88 and a retired teacher of English and Drama among other things. I’ve been married three times and had various liaisons between marriages. One day I’ll get it right!!!
Don’t do it ! Please! Believe me it can only cause more heartache and that’s what you don’t want. Mend yourself physically first, please!
My Mum was married 4 times and almost a 5th (she was going to remarry my Dad) I don't have very good experiences in love because of her and I tend to choose people that are bad for me, weather or not Joe is I'm not sure yet. We were together a while.
Thanks for all the advice guys I have read them all and you certainly gave me a lot to think about, we had a short chat last night and planning a longer one tonight.
And to everyone that said they were a Nana/granny of the group I still think as you as aunties nothing else!
You've had lots of advice V. I would add only one thing....what's stopping you trusting yourself/ your own wisdom? That's maybe worth talking through with someone, when the time is right. That might not be now because you're busy healing and need the energy to look after yourself, one careful step at a time. Thats your priority right now. Take good care 🌸
I'm sorry to have to tell you young lady 😉, that rekindling old relationships rarely works, and often end in greater disaster. Not all though, so you may have an exception. I would counsel you to consider what the reason for the break up? you say it was your fault, but you must have had a reason. That blagh moment 🤔😝😩, perhaps. Think what was the cause and ask if that will ever change? You have done the hard bit, like giving up smoking, it gets easier, but you never stop wanting a fag 🤷♂️. Stay friends V. If you loved and left, there is no reason to hate, be angry or hold a grudge, be a friend.
Hi Valentina, there's so much great advice and questions people have suggested already. I would just say take your time, there's no rush. And if you imagine your best friend was in this situation, you would want the absolute best for her, what advice would you give her?
Treat yourself with the same care and respect that you would your most treasured friend.
I will openly admit I never take my own advice though when it comes to my love life 🤣 I’m rubbish at advocating for myself 🙈
I suppose that’s one of my drivers though, I always want others to be saved from some of the heartache that I’ve endured over the years. Wishing you love and success Valentina98 x
Hiya just go with the flo. Have no expectations but carry on chatting and see what happens if it makes you happy then that can only improve your situation if it doesn't your no worse off than you are now. X
As a Grandma I would say Skpewith no expectations but just as friends. Even if he lived in the next street I would say the same but with him thousands of miles away!! You also have no idea what he is thinking is he just sorry for you and wants to support you? and also how will you feel when you see him You have been through such a lot emotionally you may look at him and just see a friend. Good luck and don't expect too much and don't get upset if it is not what you hoped.
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