Alcoholism: Hi I had a heart attack in... - British Heart Fou...

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Alcoholism

FRANKIENCOCO profile image
31 Replies

Hi I had a heart attack in February of this year and a triple heart bypass, I am also, extremely ashamed, to admit I am a functioning alcoholic. I have always drank a lot but since coming out of Hospital I am drinking 3 bottles of wine each day, sometimes more. I Iie to my wife, who I adore, my alcoholism has got worse as I feel every chest pain or twinge is another attack so I (think) I drink more so I am so drunk I won't feel the pain if its an heart attack. I run a successfully business, so I have money but it seems that because I have money I can drink more because its not a financial issue. I hide drinks I drink what my wife leaves, I need help and have tried Hypnotherapy the AA online stuff and to be honest I am at the end of my thether with it. Whilst waiting for my bypass I was in Hospital for 7 weeks then 3 weeks recuperation at home I never missed it for one moment. When in Hospital I worked every day apart from 3 days after my op people sayed" you have been off for a while so you should be okay now" they have no idea that their wages miraculously appeared in their bank that quotes RAMS and invoices where done. I am sorry if I am sounding off but I need help and don't know where to turn. On the day of my heart attack I rang my Doctor and he said I just needed iboprofen so have no confidence in going to see him. Has anyone got anything g I can do to help? I am really desperate

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FRANKIENCOCO
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31 Replies
foxglove profile image
foxglove

Have you tried AA? works for some

FRANKIENCOCO profile image
FRANKIENCOCO in reply to foxglove

Tried it not for me

rjb112 profile image
rjb112 in reply to FRANKIENCOCO

There are very many programs that are not 12 Step programs; and also very many secular programs. Perhaps one or more of them would appeal to you?

turkeyblue profile image
turkeyblue in reply to FRANKIENCOCO

Try again.... Speak to like minded people just as you have done on here

Thecyclist profile image
Thecyclist

Have you tried NLP? Specifically Time Line Therapy? I've done it for anxiety and it works very well. So well I am actually looking to help others by training as an NLP master practitioner. I can point you in the direction of someone if necessary (not me obvs as I am still learning, however the person I know is excellent and an ex GP so understands the physical as well as the mind).

I can relate on the alcohol as pre my heart issues and the NLP I imbibed too much, mostly as self medication to numb the anxiety.

Good luck, you will do it, you have already proved it in hospital so it's the psychological dependence you need to sort out by sorting out "the why" you are drinking.

FRANKIENCOCO profile image
FRANKIENCOCO in reply to Thecyclist

Please send me their details and thanks for helping

You sound like a bright sharp guy who knows what's what.I'm no expert on addictions, other than a 40 a day habit I kicked, so apologies if I'm being simplistic in what I say.

Talk to your wife, I guess she's got a good idea already, she'll be your biggest supporter in helping you.

When I packed in the fags I told everyone that I knew, work colleagues, family, friends, neighbours the lot that I was smoking far too many, that it was killing me and I was stopping smoking, stopping not cutting down.

I've always been a pretty proud chap and I thought what a twat I'll look in front of them all if I start smoking again.

Like you I never had money problems, but I treated myself every week with the £70 I was saving by not smoking so I had something to see for it.

It was hard, very hard....but I did it and 20 years later I'm still off the habit and won't be starting again.

By the way you're well on the way to stopping by virtue of your posting on here.

Hope it works out well for you

stillaboveground profile image
stillaboveground

Hi FRANKIENCOCO. My youngest son Terry was an alcoholic, I say was because unfortunately on the night of May 5th 2017 he had been drinking and went to bed with a cigarette my son died in the ensuing fire, he was 50 years old, we knew about his heavy drinking for 25 years, his father ( my husband) is teetotal his grandfather was an alcoholic, the whole family where heavy drinkers, Terry didn't want to be an alcoholic and tried so hard to change his life style. He lost everything through his drinking, we his parents tried so hard to help him. I know this story of Terry will not help you, but I understand what you are going through and I know it will not be easy to stop drinking, but you sound to be a sensible person and you need to think of your wife who seems to be by your side, alcoholism affect whole family's, please don't leave your family with broken hearts like mine. I cry for my son every day and I feel I could have done more for him. I wish you the best of luck and I know you do not want to be in this position. Please take care I will think of you and pray for you, god bless you

Mentdent profile image
Mentdent

If you can afford it get yourself into somewhere like one of the Priory clinics. I was in your situation 20 years ago. That’s what I did. It worked for me. You have to tell your wife.If not get to Alcoholics Anonymous. They may not be perfect but the have a higher success rate than anyone else. You have to stop drinking and detox and then you have to stay stopped. It’s a long journey and only about 3% succeed. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been there and I’ve got the T shirt.

pjw17 profile image
pjw17

Hello F.Admit to yourself you need expert help, by saying this or that isn't for me, is dodging the issue, your family need you and you need them, I'm sure they will give you all the support you need. Please see the experts on addiction they will give you the tools to cope.

Good luck.

Rico166 profile image
Rico166

Hi there,

One thing you could try is Smart Recovery, they use a technique which is similar to CBT which helps you question your motivations, priorities and circumstances. It has many practical exercises that help you break the cycle. It doesn’t like to use words such as ‘alcoholic’ and they use a very psychological approach and help remove the shame. Here is a link to their UK site, they do online meetings and in-person. smartrecovery.org.uk

Good luck and first off, please stop feeling ashamed of yourself and start writing a list of what is really of value in your life and you’ll start to see how drink is messing that up.

FRANKIENCOCO profile image
FRANKIENCOCO in reply to Rico166

Thanks for this I will get in touch with them.

Hi. Part of my role is working with drug, alcohol, butane gas addicts etc. Anything that we enjoy and so do more than normal that generates a negative effect on our bodies, is classed as an addiction. If it doesn't harm you, it's OK to do to excess. So don't be too hard on yourself, you're just human. I'd recommend searching out a local alcohol reduction service. There are many besides AA. You may well find a different group, with different people helps.

Also speak to your GP. They should help with detox and may be able to refer you into other services.

Be honest with yourself and everyone else and recognise that if you continue drinking like a fish, you will eventually probably die from it. It's really down to you and your desire to face and overcome your addiction.

But I wish you every success. Its not easy but if others can do it, you can. 👍

Good luck!!

Wigglewobble profile image
Wigglewobble

Hi there, I am no expert in this and so my advice is just personal experience and sending best wishes. However I do know the pressures of running your own business. Doing a quotation, paying staff, getting invoices out so money comes in, chasing those that haven’t paid. Making sure work gets delivered so you can charge etc etc. All the little day to day things - keeping customers and staff all happy and it’s stressful. It’s not easy and everyone sees the employer as the bad guy. That’s always tough. But you are successful, but that’s because it is you that’s made that happen. Your wife, your business your friends and family need you. The drink is stealing you from them one way or another. Realistically your not going to be able to continue to function because drink will take more and more from you. I know your GP wasn’t helpful, but you have every right to speak to another GP. Be frank with them and state your concerns to them. You’d be surprised how often they have to support people with this. You haven’t got a choice but to get help. This can’t be done on its own and you recognise you need help. What a brilliant step forward. But don’t let the drink continue to steal what you’ve worked hard for. Think of your wife, what would you want her to do if it were the other way around. You’d want her to get help. You clearly work hard for her, you keep people employed and offer a service to others. Now take back for you and get some help kicking this drinking. Good luck

PeterpPiper profile image
PeterpPiper

The only person that can stop you drinking is you, no one else can do it, no organisation can do it. Infact it is my believe that the more you talk about it , the bigger the problem gets. 20 years ago I stopped, never looked back, I didn’t talk about it or join any group. I didnt get any adverse effects, just felt better instantly. Everyone is different but…. Just stop … simple … job done :) Good luck

Clairs1977 profile image
Clairs1977

You sound like you have alot if stress in your life and you seem to not be able to see the trees for the wood! The one thing you need to avoid after a major heart attack. Life is precious. After such a major helath event like this you need to see this as your second chance at life and your prioriy has to be your health before everything as if you keep going you will highly likely do the one thing you are trying to avoid another heart attack or even a stroke. You need to seek a good therapist. If money is not an issue you can afford to go private. You need to work through these very natural feeling after something traumatic like this. It sounds like PTSD, anxiety and depression......and alcohol.....trust me when I say this.....will make all of those things a million times worse! You could also look at club soda which is an excellent sober community..no judgements there. But please please seek professional therapy. You have to want to give up booze and commit to your health for you to see your way through this difficult time. You deserve to be happy and healthy and have a great life with your wife. Dont lose sight of that! Booze at the rate you are going will kill you in the end x

Clairs1977 profile image
Clairs1977

Sorry I should I have said try reading or even listening via audible to some quit lit. Allen Carr is excellent and his book about giving up booze is fantastic. I dont get AA either but I found that book really good. Club soda members like myself will help you with quit lit choices.

Identiy profile image
Identiy

Don't have the first drink , then you won't have the second!!

Ginger63 profile image
Ginger63

Hi Please get help to stop, I have worked with alcoholics and heart bypass is nothing to what will happen if you continue, the best is alcohol dementia where you would loose your business and be unable to function properly the worst is watching a person die from organ failure, it would be heart breaking for your wife and not pleasant for you loosing all your dignity very quickly. Turning point are very good as they help with the mental causes of alcoholism, please get help quickly before it’s too late and yes I understand where you are coming from as I have heart problems and wonder nearly every day if I will end up having a HA, there are other ways of coping with this that are healthier Turning Point can help with this.

Outandabout profile image
Outandabout

First things first, please sit your wife down and tell her you love her, then that you are drinking, then that you want help. I'd bet she already knows, but you don't need to do this alone and it has to start at home. I hope and pray you get through this, you sound as if theres a lot to get through it for.

Fudgster profile image
Fudgster

Hello Frankiencoco

Do you have a recovery centre nearby. I too have had issues with alcohol and referred myself to a local service. Once assessed I was put on a detox which involved me attending the group for 5 days, medication to help with withdrawal symptoms. The meds are only taken for around 7-10 days starting with a high dose then reducing to none in that time. Once I had completed detox I was prescribed meds to help with cravings and another one that would make you unwell if alcohol were consumed. There are also meetings and well being groups and activities as ongoing support. Should a relapse occur, which did in my case, they will always allow you to do detox again.

I was drinking similar amounts as you. I had to sell my house to clear debts I had built up through drinking, however I don't have the financial worries any longer, which in turn makes it easier not to drink. I hope you are able to get some help and make a speedy recovery.

Best wishes

Fudgster

Dewson profile image
Dewson

I am 84 also have had a stressful business life. I have had heart ops and more. I have central sleep apnoea. I needed to cut out all alcohol so I bought coke zero instead of wine. When I need a drink I have one. It has worked for me. I have been married for 62 years. I do not hide my problems from my wife, she can be a great help.I cannot tell you what to do but just my experience. Alcohol has been close to a problem at times in my life but I doubt AA would have helped me, just needed the resolve not to let myself and others down.

joel132 profile image
joel132

Hi.. x you describe very well being in-between a rock and a hard place. Alcoholism will do that and in my experience it only gets worse. Not being able to stop when you want to is baffling especially when your sick and tired of lying to your loved ones. living a double life is very lonely and feeling like a hypocrite torturous. Add to that heart health problems just increases the fear and of course more drinking. Its a horrible merry go around and there seems no way out at least that is how it was for me. Many times i would say the same as you AA is not for me but in the end it was the only refuse left and it worked 11 years sober now. AA is not the only help available i would suggest seeking all the professional help you can, if you have the the money "the priory clinics" have helped many. But it will mean making you getting sober your number one priority and putting the pride thing to onesie for a while. One of the most helpful things for me was talking openly with another sober alcoholic who understands how difficult it is, maybe you know someone i am sure they would want to help. Don't know where your based but if you ever wanted to chat about it privately and confidentially maybe we could hook up. wishing you every success.. x

LHDLondon profile image
LHDLondon

Sounds like you're really putting yourself through it. and it is you doing that.I am entirely sympathetic though, as I too am a (recovering) alcoholic. I admitted that to myself 23 years ago, and went on the wagon 18 years ago - cold turkey.

I honestly have not drunk a drop since.

I was 50. 24 stone and drinking 5 bottles of wine a day, running a successful business and a single parent to two then early teenage children. A real functioning alcoholic. People knew I was overweight, but I never got drunk.

My doctor wanted me to go to a clinic, but how could I with children and a business dependent on me? Quietly I told one friend that I was giving up booze. He suggested we kept that statement to us for a short time in case I backslided. One week later I told another friend, until about 2 months sober I was able to tell everyone I had given up booze because I was (am) an alcoholic. Not easy but doable. I needed one friend and managed without the clinic or AA. It's not shameful today to admit it and now I try to help where I can. Like now/

Self respect now keeps me on that wagon, but sadly didn't prevent me having a heart attack 7 years ago resulting in stenting, 2 seperate open heart valve procedures in 2 years and 3 corrections for atrial fibrillation resulting in the insertion of a pacemaker 4 years ago.

I'm around and ticking though. Remaining positive and having support of a few friends really helped. On the booze front, if pressed by friends tell them bluntly you're an alcoholic. That put my doubters in their place. On the heart front, you owe it to yourself and to your doctors to get rid of this handicap you're creating for yourself.

FRANKIENCOCO profile image
FRANKIENCOCO in reply to LHDLondon

Thank you. Had so many positive messages which have really helped.

LHDLondon profile image
LHDLondon in reply to FRANKIENCOCO

We will all will you on.

You know you're the one who has to make the decision and stick to it. Initially I cut myself off from drinking buddies and you may have to do the same too. That changes - some when they see the positive effect on you, may change as well.

I didn't subscribe to the clinic route myself. I feared replacing one addiction with another. That was me. Each to their own. Cold turkey worked for me and I didn't fit. If DTs happen then seek help with the GP or AA, but if you want to try by yourself you can.

If you need help then seek professional help and don't second guess the course you take. Do it now, not next week though.

First and foremost you have to make the choice to live and for that you need to stop drinking alcohol. Not easy but simple. No cutback, just stop.

Sticking to that decision get's easier as the days, weeks, and months pass. Falling back into old habits should be avoided.

In the months to come, instead of a drink, maybe go for a short walk with your wife. Instead of the pub, the cinema. Small changes accumulating can make big differences.

The big decision is the booze.

It can be done. Good luck.

5151 profile image
5151

OK. This is a very similar to the one I was in 7 years ago. There is a way out and a great life can be had. So here it us. Be sure that if nothing changes then nothing will change. Carry on like this and an early death will come - after years of misery for you and your family that is. Sorry to be brutal but that is fact. I nearly died. 8 weeks in hospital and 3 months rehab saved me. Nearly lost everythingFirstly be honest with family and friends. It's a 100% better than lying. Lying hurts people more than your admission that you are an alcoholic . And do not be ashamed. You are ill.It sounds like your alcohol consumption is at a point where, if you just stop, you may suffer fittting, which with your heart condition, is dangerous.

You need to go the medical route. You will have to go to the Private sector. The NHS can't offer you the help you need .Expensive but this is the only way out.

Book yourself into a medical detox clinic then a 3 month residential rehab course based on the 12 step programme. Address the underlying issues that cause your drinking during this time. This saved me.

You must make the admission that you are an alcoholic. That you are powerless over it. And that you are prepared never to drink again.

You can do this.

Look up the Serenity prayer a recite it

Get your life back. Get rid if the demon that rules your life . Set yourself free.

Please follow my advice. It does work.

Alessa_ profile image
Alessa_

I think you're really brave Frankie and I hope you can get the help and support you need. You clearly work so very hard at your job, now it's time to invest in you and your recovery. From my work and my own personal life, I see drug and alcohol use as a symptom or coping method for something else. You deserve whatever it is that's missing from your life so that you can say goodbye to alcohol and welcome in the missing thing. Do you feel you could try some therapy?

That's what I would recommend.

You're a good person worthy of happiness, bless you

RufusScamp profile image
RufusScamp

All I can offer you is love and best wishes. You know what you need to do. I hope you find the strength to do it, for the sake of your wife and others around you.

Pussacat profile image
Pussacat

You can do it. Don't risk Korsakoff's Syndrome on top of everything else you have dealt with. The support is there but you need to take responsibility, no one can do it for you but will be at your side to get through it with you. I really hope you succeed with this mission to discover yourself in sobriety. I have seen the effects this cruel illness can have on the individual and those around them. Sending positive hope to you. 😺

Hello :-)

Just came across your post and thought I would reply

You say you do not like lying to your wife yet I bet she has a good idea possibly anyway

You also say you have the money to drink but if you carry on you have so much to loose , your wife , your home maybe and your health

No one can stop you Drinking only you but you have got to want to stop more than you want the drink

There are always reasons behind why someone turns to a substance they are escaping from something and you have to address these problems as drinking is only a temporary fix and the same issues will still be there the next day and then you need another drink and so on and no one has never found the answer in the bottle of a bottle to their problems

I know you say AA etc has not worked but did you really want it to work are you really ready to stop ?

If you were this kind of support would work

I don't mean to sound harsh I am saying how it is because I care , I care that you hopefully hit rock bottom and save everything you have rather than one day reading a post saying you have lost everything because one guarantee I can give you is eventually you will

I wish you all the best :-) x

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