Aortic valve replacement
Hi hubby got Aorta Valve Replacement ... - British Heart Fou...
Hi hubby got Aorta Valve Replacement 4 weeks ago doing well. However, I have noticed change in personality, not nice, is this normal?
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Sconie
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My 22 year old had his replacement in August . He was very reserved after for a good few months . I think it’s a big shock to take in . My son also had bad ocd in making sure things were clean .
Thanks Chrijan......
His personality has changed quite a bit.
He used to be so easy going, laid back, lovely guy......but he is very argumentative, cheeky & rude.
His memory isn't great, I remind him about taking his medication and he tells me to stop telling him what to do, stop treating him like a child, but if I didn't remind him, he wouldn't take them.
Do you know if the memory loss/confusion is common, also as I say the personality change. We have been very happily married for 46 years (June this year, but don't know if well make it..😱). I do understand that's the op must have some effects on him, but he has changed do much.
Hopefully, the memory/confusion & mood swings will only he temporary, and will pass in time..... I live in hope.
Anyone else experiencing this?
Thank you for any advice or info you can give me.....
👍
Hi, not exactly the same but my dad has cardiomyopathy and have just had a defibrillator fitted to his heart.
He is being horrid to me and my mum. Short tempered, anxious, picking fault with everything. I suppose it’s a lot to take in but it’s so hard when all you want to do is be there for them and they are pushing everyone away.
I hope your husband finds some peace soon x
Hearthorse......thank you so much for your reply. Good to know it's not just me getting the nasty treatment, it's so unlike him. Hopefully it will pass for us & you & yours too.
As you will know, it's very hurting as you are doing your best to help them.
Once again, thanks for your reply, fingers crossed for peace & normality very soon...x
Was he put on a heart/lung machine during his OP? If so maybe he's suffering from 'Pump head' which can result in depression and personality change. Google that in and you'll see what I mean.
Oh Lord Silverfox, less than 2 weeks to ohs. will not be Googling that one. Am anxious enough as it is. Lanc2 if it is any help my hubby who is 74 now had a TIA two years ago. It affected his sight, so no driving and he really was sooooo short tempered and grumpy... usually a happy chappy. Even now if something goes wrong, like me finding about about my heart condition, he tends towards short tempered. When I questioned him recently he said that that the thought of me being that one percent who doesn't make it made him cry.
Perhaps your husband is scared and that is just how it comes out. I would mention it to his GP myself... obviously they can't comment but may help him or her get a better picture of your husband's health. Good luck xxx
Hi Sikvertix2
Yes, as far as I know he was.....I'll Google it & read up on it
Thanks for reply 👍
4 weeks - early days yet, Brain fog is common as powerful anaesthetics are used to knock you out and keep you out, but it should start to improve soon. For many men it comes as very nasty shock to realise that , yes, you too are mortal and this day thy soul may be required of thee and they don't know how to deal with it.
By now he should be starting to gently exercise, walking from drive to drive or lamp post to lamp post. He needs to start moving on a regular basis and improving his range slowly Find out about your local rehab program and make sure he has his name down. It usually comes in at about 8-10 weeks after the operation to give the breast bone time to knit together.
Turn the TV off and talk to him about how he feels about what is going on. Be honest and don't let him duck out of it. If he gets to 8 weeks and he is still confused and angry you may need to speak to his doctor.
Lanc2.......
Thank you very much for your reply 👍
John is really like a different person since the op. He used to walk 4 or 5 miles per day, and I know he is missing this, sometimes he is like a caged animal. We try to walk each day, adding a little further each day, but to be honest, the weather is against us. He seems to have no conversation, only wants to watch TV. As I said before, he is quite forgetful & confused, which I have to admit, can be quite frustrating, having to repeat yourself time & time again. If I remind him, he hasn't taken his tablets, he says....I know, you don't have to keep reminding me.....but I really do. It's very difficult, I can't seem to do right for doing wrong 😥. He can be quite rude & cheeky, which as said before, is not like him at all, so sometimes I think it's easier not to talk, which I know is wrong, it's so out of character for him. We have 1 son, daughter in law and they are unaware of his moods and think he's doing great, as does everyone else....if only they knew..😱
He has an appointment at the local rehab clinic on Friday 28th, so we'll see what that brings.
Thank you once again for your reply, it is much appreciated....👍
Hi Sconie. I think it's the ones closest to the invalid? that suffer the most. My hubby was confused, angry and forgetful for a long time after his bypasses. He was frustrated more than anything and I think with what's gone on, that's normal.
Once my hubby could get back some normality in his life, i.e. walk, drive etc. the fog seemed to clear.
Our little grandkids helped enormously with his recovery.
Things will improve. He just needs to know he's not the only one going through this!!
Did the hospital give you a booklet explaining some of the weird things that might happen?
All the very best to you and hubby xxxx
Hi Handel
thank you so much for your reply.
We are trying (weather permitting) to do a bit of walking each day.
We have 2 lovely grand daughters age 7 & 4, who he adores & a baby due in 5 weeks, so he is looking to this. Don't think he got a booklet, I'll have a look.
Thanks very much for your reply.
All the best to you & yours
XX
That's lovely. He'll get there so don't worry too much.
You've had lots of replies from lovely people on this forum confirming strange behaviour is quite normal.
Confusion and lack of concentration was a big one with hubby. He's normally whizz through a really hard sudoku in 2 minutes! It was 4 months before he could even focus on the numbers and make sense of things. Crosswords were even worse!!
This is where much of the anger and disappointment came from.
With a 2 year old grandson (being Batman) and a 4 year old granddaughter (a princess from Frozen!), hubby's smile and tolerance came back quickly!
xxx
Hi Sconie
My husband had his aortic valve replaced and an aortic graft just over a year ago in January 2019.
I can totally relate to what you're going through. My husband seemed to change completely - he became almost like a different person. He was quite agressuve at times and totally unlike his normal self. He was angry much of the time too. I even wondered whether having received a large amount of blood had changed his personality.
But I needn't have worried - 14 months on and he's back to his old self - his Specialist said that patients often have these anger and resentment issues.
I would say it took about 3-4 months to work through the transition.
It's hard work for the partner to watch their loved one behaving like this and I used to feel that I was having to tread on eggshells around him. Honestly you need the patience of a Saint.
Hope hubby goes on ok. All the best to you. Debbie
Hi Debbie.....sounds like my hubby to a tee......sorry you had to go through that, but, at the same time, good to know I'm not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you so much for you reply.
All the best to you and yours 👍xx
As has already been said surgery and particularly the anaesthetic is a huge physical shock to the body. In addition if you are feeling less well than you are used to as a result of this, it takes a lot of mental energy to keep going, which may mean social responses to nearest and dearest are the first to go.
He may well be resenting his forgetfulness and keen to cover it up which is why you are getting it in the neck.
It is in some ways harder for you as you only know how he is feeling from what he chooses to tell you which if like my husband may be very little.
You may find it useful to have a chat to your doctor about your concerns and perhaps if an opportunity arises ring the BHF nursees though I realise that may be difficult.
Hi Bagrat.....yeh, my hubby isn't saying much. He is trying so hard to cover up his forgetfulness & confusion, I don't know how to handle it, ie do I ignore it or point it out to him, but say I understand it's all a part of the healing process....
Thanks so much for your reply
All the best to you & yours 👍
From reading your later posts it sounds like you've made a breakthrough. It is less distressing I find to limit yourself to how his behaviour makes you feel. " When you get grumpy and frustrated it makes me sad for what you're going through" " I feel unhappy when you seem a bit muddled because I can see it's upsetting you" or similar. Things will gradually become easier.
Hello Sconie,
I had an AVR just over a year ago and the biggest hurdle I found to overcome was the mental side of things. Your husband was an active man, from reading the other posts and suddenly he cant do a lot, at the moment, that will change. You lose a lot, if not all, of your confidence. You can feel a bit helpless. You fell "why me". The best medicine, I found, was the cardiac rehab clinic, not just for getting you up and moving and exercising but for the mental side of things. It gives you confidence, you suddenly realise you can do things. I couldn't even drive my car on any main roads after my operation without taking a panic attack or becoming over anxious, I now drive anywhere and everywhere as before my operation. He will get there but it will take time.
Your husband for the first time in his life is being confronted with his mortality. The natural reaction is anger as I well know. When I was a young man of 26 I went into hospital for tests to check the state of my aortic valve. I met another man in for the same reason as myself he was I. His forties he had worked for the pru insurance in these days he went round the doors collecting the money when thay found out his condition he was fired. After the tests I was told by the consultant I was to have the op. All I can remember was red. Mist anger the why me syndrome kicked in. The consultant went to the next bed and pulled the curtains round. When he left I went to see him he was weeping he was to far gone to have the op and had about 2 years left. I had known this man for 48 hrs and he was like a brother to me. My anger disappeared then and has never returned I realised how lucky I was. That was 46 years ago. It is 8 o'clock in the morning as I write this and the tears are rolling down my cheeks as I remember him
Yours drew
Ps show your husband this reply
Hi werd it is now 9 o'clock and tears are rolling down my cheeks as I read your reply to Sconie. Perhaps Sconie's husband needs the same sort of reality check, I know I took my heart problems badly (why me) and my family were great, I appreciate that NOW.
Hi Drew
Thanks for your reply to my post.
How sad I was to read your story.
I think it will take time & patience.
Took you advice and let my hubby read my post & all replies.....he apologized and said he knew he was doing me wrong, so things seem to he getting better.
All the best to you..👍
Good morning with a name like sconie you sound as if you may be Scots. If so there are plenty of cardiac rehab maintance classes about Central Scotland. I belong to keep ticking falkirk have a look at the website. If you need to ge in touch and ask for drew
Yours keep(drew) ticking
My father-in-law had this op last September and since then he has been a different person too. He is confused with loss of memory, doesn't go out walking like he used to and is concerned about every slightest ache and pain. He has always enjoyed cooking but now can't even remember how to prepare a meal. Must admit I put it down to the shock of having the operation coupled with the ageing process but maybe there's hope for improvement hearing that others have been through a similar problem.
Hi Alice Anne
Thanks for your reply....
Sounds familiar..😱, hopefully things will get better for the two if us.
All the best...👍
Hi stick in there girl and just hope it is short lived and he improves. Do not forget your own health and well being, you need to be well to ride through this. Take time out for a little me time, you derserve it.
Thanks stillaboveground for your reply.
I will stick with it....hard though it is, I will.
All the best to you and yours..👍
I’m 2years since op I have suffered with depression really bad I know that the op can cause this. I don’t have any friends or family never went to rehab didn’t know about it. There are times I wish I hadn’t had it done apparently I was bone with a malformed valve being out of breath was normal for me. Being around family and friends is important and hopefully things will improve
Hi, so sorry to read your suffering with depression, and you didn’t get to go to cardio rehab, I had aortic valve replaced and bypass and can appreciate how your mental health can be effective. Could you see your GP and maybe get on to cardio class, I really found going and mixing with other people who had been through similar experiences as myself such a help. Maybe talking to a councillor might be the way to go? The event we went through was huge, and apart from getting back are stamina we have to get our heads round what happened!
Please have a word with your GP and see what is on offer. Best wishes
Hi ,
I had the same OP in December 2015 , and I've just turned 62 in January,
so I've probably , already had a couple of years that I wouldn't have had,
thanks to AVR,
I was a tree surgeon and landscape gardener from the age of 19, and my main pastime for 30 years was scuba diving,
So I was quite fit,
right up till the minute my consultant told me I had to have the op!!
It's a big shock to be told that you are no longer superman!
As others have said ,the anesthetics are a problem,
but that will soon wear off,
It's the loss of mobility that gets most people ,
But that too will pass ,
I was pretty depressed for the first few weeks,
I couldn't get out of the house , and walking any distance, was not an option.
Fast forward 3 months ,and I was walking too and from my local hospital, for my warfarin checks, (4 miles there and back.)
Then I was doing some gardening ,and getting out for a pint ,
and all of a sudden I was on the up ,and I've never looked back.
The one thing I had and still have ,
above all else
is a good woman behind me,
She gave me a lot of hugs and kisses ,
but she also gave me a kick up the a@$#e when I needed one.
Sounds like your bloke is ok in that department,
Good luck
Paul.
Hi Paul, reading your story has made me feel a bit more confident. Less than 2 weeks to go now before my op. Any words of wisdom are so good. I am 60 and felt when I heard the news that this was it. I have been sooooo angry. Am hoping I've got that bit out of my system. Thank you, Tess
Hi Tess,
Glad you got something out of my story, bit long winded in know,
but once I started!
Aye it's a worrying time ,
but it's going to be over before you know it,
Just remember ,
you can't have your operation ,anywhere in the world ,
that will come close to getting treated in the UK ,by the NHS ,
They are the best ,
You wont feel any pain ,from start to finish,
and everyone one will look after you,
Just take it at your own pace ,
dont rush it.
And remember,,
dont forget to cough!
I won't say good luck ,you wont need it,
Get well soon
and let us know how it went
Cheers
Paul
Thanks so much Paul. I'm being treated at Harefield. Very lucky these people make you feel more confident. Cheers, Tess
Hey Sconie, I see you've had lots of helpful replies already, which I hope are helping, so I'll keep this brief. I had an AVR myself at the end of 2018 and while I didn't have any personality change (at least not that anyone told me!) I found the mental side of it to be massive, perhaps even more than the physical.
I was in a terror funk in the run-up, lots of sitting in dark rooms late at night thinking about death. And on the day itself, oh my god! When I got home afterwards I just burst into floods of tears, this massive release from all the pent-up emotional stuff that had been whirling round in me during the years and months building up to it. So it's a massive physical "and" emotional thing to go through.
It's not just your heart/valve that is new, it's your whole you - yes you may have been given a new start but it may be one you're desperately scared about - what this new future means or may bring - and you just want your old "well" you back. He may also be frustrated, sore, impatient at not being able to do stuff (they don't call it being a "patient" for nothing).
It is also true that handling the heart can cause (normally and hopefully temporary) mental side-effects, such as depression.
Having said all that, it is very easy as a patient to forget that your carer is also going through the emotional wringer as well as having to pick up all the physical pieces of looking after you. So yes sympathy etc but it is not "ok" for him to be taking things out on you, however that is manifesting; not something you just have to put up with.
If things don't settle down and he doesn't get back on an even keel - and four weeks is still pretty early post-op - if you can try and see what support him (and you) can get from your GP or community services.
But good luck and I hope things sort themselves out for both of you. Stay strong!
Nic x
This is my experience. My husband changed completely after his heart attack. That was 4 years ago and he hasn't come back. I am on the point of moving out. Dont think he is likely to come back now.
What about ringing the BHF phone number and asking the nurse? Maybe there’s leaflets or help groups?
My husband was anxious after his triple by pass and did suffer from memory loss but we were warned about this. It’s a long op coupled with the effects of a general anaesthetic. The mood swings lessened after time but the anxiety is always there. He has since had a pacemaker/ICD and an aortic valve replacement via TAVI. Just local anaesthetic for those ops.
Confidence does increase with time and talking with others with similar experiences does help.
Yes yes. I must have been awful to live with this last year. It’s a wonder my husband is still here after my bypass, To make matters worse I found old unpleasant memories kept coming back. Small things would remind me of episodes in my life I had tucked away. My memory was so bad I thought I had Alzheimer’s . After a year it’s coming back. I had never had surgery until my bypass but I guess 3 hours under anaesthetic must give the body and mind a bit of a jolt. Exercise now and when he can will definitely help
