Does it help you to have your time an... - Bereavement Care ...
Does it help you to have your time and days planned in advance?
Finding it difficult to find a purpose. Once I find my niche I believe I will be okay. Until then, somewhat drifting through the days.
That's it, exactly! "Just drifting through the days..." I can't believe how fast the days go by, though. Seems no time at all since Christmas was cancelled, and now it's nearly June!
I remember back in the September of last year when there were the whispers going round about Christmas being cancelled and at the time it had felt like the end of the world.
Thankfully the whispers then had given me time to have got used to the idea so when the blow did actually come to me it wasn't some unexpected surprise as I had had time to have not planned anything unlike some poor people who's plans were snatched away from them at the last minute!
I find it stings harder when things are cancelled last minute rather than in advance as in advance you have lots of time to find something else.
If I have a day off, I find I just drift, like others have said, and don’t really achieve anything useful. I end up wasting the day as I’m indecisive about what I want to do, as very little brings me joy now I’m without my soul mate (my mum). I end up feeling frustrated as my mum and I would have made plans and we always made the most of my free time from work. Therefore if I have plans, I achieve more. I like working as I’m so busy at work, I’m distracted and don’t focus constantly on my sadness.
Just seen to be drifting along. Looking at something the other day that asked me about what was my purpose in life. It was to care for my elderly parents. Now they have gone I don't seem to have a purpose anymore. Want to try to enjoy life and feel satisfied or some happiness..
Yes, our parents become our lives, and we devote ourselves to them. It just feels so empty without them. I continued to work while my mum was ill and having surgeries and other treatments, and I managed to juggle my shifts and hours around. I sincerely regret the times I wasn’t able to be there for her though, as it meant leaving her on her own as there was no one else. I was able to spend the last 10 months with her though, as I developed a long-term health condition and couldn’t work. Sadly I was ill myself and on steroids, so I often snapped at her. She understood though, but it’s hard living with regrets.
I worked from home from match of last year which meant I didn't have to worry about my dad who had Parkinson's and it was wondeful to spend so much time with him. Then in the matter of a couple of weeks he got an infection, started hallucinating and had a couple of falls. Fell and broke his hip on a Saturday and I got a call at 3 on the Monday morning that he had taken a turn for the worse and we could go and see him. Within a week he was gone and I could only tell him I loved him as he lay unconscious. Feel a failure especially having lost my mum 4 years beforr
I’m so sorry to hear that. You weren’t a failure at all, as you were there for your dad while you were working from home. That must have been wonderful for you both. Precious time together. Our time together is never enough though, and losing them is always too soon. We just want them for longer.
Your dad knew you loved him, conscious and unconscious. He would have heard you tell him you loved him, as the sense of hearing is the last sense to go. I’m a nurse, and we speak to our unconscious patients and we tell their loved ones to talk to them. You’re definitely not a failure.
I agree, the regrets are something you cannot change and because of that im finding it so hard to live with them. Why didnt i see what was happening to my mum right under my nose. Why didn't i rescue her from my father and bring her with me. I can honestly say i never once in my life imagined a time i would be without her. Sounds stupid now but its the truth. Just long fir her back. Anything i do is a sticky plaster over how i feel.
Nothing you said sounds stupid. We can never imagine a time without our loved ones, and in our particular case, our mothers. The regrets come into my mind all the time, and the only way to get on with my day is to try and block out the thoughts. I try and keep myself busy so that I don’t have time to think. Whenever I try and relax, back come the distressing thoughts. I’m now trying to appreciate all my friends and family, so that I don’t go through the same issues again. As people have said to me though, that’s life and we’re all human.
I wasn't my mums carer or anything like that but my mum was on my mind 24/7 no matter where i was or what i was doing. Without her i feel my insides are empty i cant feel bothered about anything. Everything seems so pointless without her. How do you go from your whole life thinking if your mum, seeing her, talking to her etc to not being there.
I’m still taking each day one hour at a time. I still feel as though half of me is missing since my husband passed, we were inseparable & I can’t find a purpose without him. I think drifting is a good description.
Definitely i was always so self motivated never needed anyone or anything to get me activated. Now im a very different person, i need schedules or im liable to just crumble.
When planning, allow some down time too, when you can chill, read a book, or just be a TV couch potato. Don't rush into a hectic schedule, gentle planning is good.
I used to have more of a routine till this year now it`s all based on how my dog is apart from the two days I volunteer.
Moderation team
