Baby bond

[Skyblue7]

Had baby in March birth fine but was diagnosed with post partum psychosis however this was Debated between staff and only on tablets for 3 weeks and stayed at home I never hurt myself or baby and back to self. I’m finding it hard to bond with baby. I’m left with her in the week whilst dad works till 4pm I find it hard to bond with her. She gets fed and looked after but there’s nothing there. What can I do?

[Bigblueskies]

Hi Skyblue, it is a tough time and I’m sorry you are not experiencing it as you expected. It’s a really positive thing that you are aware of something missing. You should be under the care of perinatal mental health services, seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist regularly and perhaps other local services if available in your area such as Parent-Infant Psychotherapy (sometimes referred to as PIP). They can make an amazing difference to your bond and enjoyment of your little one!

Often these difficulties are rooted in our own experience as babies bonding with our mothers. They are difficult to deal with alone. Please do speak to your GP for an urgent referral to perinatal mental health. The sooner you are supported the easier it will be to get a positive foundation in your relationship with your baby.

Big hug to both of you! Xx

[Skyblue7 in reply to Bigblueskies]

I’ve just been released from them as back to self and they can see I’m looking after my baby. They haven’t supported me tbh. Be glad to get rid. Just feel down and prob bit depressed and lonely. Just finding it hard at the minute as have no friends where I live after moving to where my partner lives.

[Bigblueskies in reply to Skyblue7]

That is all very hard to do while isolated from social networks. It’s great that they released you and you feel better but there may be other lighter touch services they can offer through different services. PIP is definitely amazing and it is not psychiatric or short term.

It may also be useful to build a little bit of structure around your week and plan some sessions for baby and you in the local children centre, such as “baby massage” or “baby and me”. If you are feeling low, having a structure and supported bonding time may help you slowly build a network of mums and make memories with your little one to get you there.

Maternity time can be so structureless and lonely, particularly if you are already struggling with your feelings. Find some classes, make them your routine and force yourself to go out there at least every other day and interact with other mums. Children centres can be a real lifesaver at this time.

You may also be able to find local baby groups in libraries etc. It all helps.

Another big hug! It’s a tough time so reach out to social activities and support as much as you can. Xx

[Skyblue7 in reply to Bigblueskies]

I go to baby groups on tue and Friday morning but most mums just don’t want to make friends they always seem in a click. I like going to these groups but on my other days off just feel lonely and bored. I try and play with my baby but I’m just not interested that sound bad but she’s cute and all but there’s nothing as said been released from pre natal.

[Bigblueskies]

You seem to be doing a lot already!

Have a look on this NCT page in case you haven’t already:

nct.org.uk/life-parent/bond...

And also consider contacting PANDAS for further support:

pandasfoundation.org.uk

Looking at your baby’s face, talking to them and holding them close to you, if you can do all that, will get you a long way towards bonding. Don’t worry too much about specific play activities at this stage.

I wish there was more meaningful support for mums at this fragile stage. 😔

[Goldenegg1]

I hear you on the loneliness. It’s a big thing to move to where your partner lives but remember your equals in the relationship so talk to him about how it makes you feel being away from your stomping ground. it’s important for you to remain in contact with your friends even if you don’t see them so much.

It’s easy to loose friends because as mums were quick to stay home when there isn’t a baby sitter, whilst partners have no fears on still going out. ( or is that just my ex 😆 went to the opening of an envelope most weeks )

Have a look to see if there are any mums and baby groups you can join just for the company and shared experiences. Also see if there is a group you can join that’s not baby oriented for yourself.

It’s tough when partners work all day, they feel like they’re doing the right thing going to work to provide but it can be lonely for those not working.

It’s early days by the sounds of it so rest and recover as it’s traumatic for your body and mind having a baby.

Seek the right help when your ready. Services are stretched so they can be quick to discharge you if you don’t be persistent with explaining things aren’t ok for you.

[Skyblue7 in reply to Goldenegg1]

I go to groups 2 a week but no one seems want to make friends. Suppose it hard hopefully can join a group for me. Sounds good. Is also hard when my friend works most days and only gets 2 days off and have to travel to see her. Just so hard atm being lonely. Suppose when baby older can do a lot more with her and get out more.

[Goldenegg1 in reply to Skyblue7]

Your right because when their very small having a base usually home to meet their needs is where new mums find it easiest.

But maybe you could think about setting up a baby coffee morning on a nice day and invite a few people from the baby groups you attend.

It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re not feeling the same like everybody is in their own bubble and don’t want to make friends. When in fact they probably do.

Im a single mum and a carer for both my boys and I’m home all week by myself constantly supporting them with school and consultants. I learnt to be a ferocious mum for them, but I’m naturally shy.

I find people are too busy to bother with keeping in touch with me unless I’m offering something nice like lunch and a catch up, but I don’t get the return invites. People often say we’ll have to get together for a catch up and don’t really mean it.

I think I’ve just not found a set of mums in my shoes.