Healing from Emotional Pain: Writing a Compassionate Letter to Yourself

[Foodie23]

Writing a compassionate letter to yourself - From Yoga for Emotional Trauma by Mary and Rick NurrieStearns

According to Paul Gilbert (2010), there are three components of a compassionate letter: understanding, engaging rather than shunning painful feelings and guidance. Try writing a compassionate letter to yourself. To give it structure, write there paragraphs.

Part 1. Conveys understanding, which allows emotional suffering to be seen, and begins with the words "I understand..." In this paragraph write about the situation and your insights into the situation.

Part 2. Conveys empathy and begins with the words " I know that you feel..." In this paragraph write about your emotional experience.

Part 3. Offers guidance to alleviate suffering and begins with the words "My guidance to you is..." In this paragraph give guidance to yourself.

My letter as an example (December 27, 2019):

Dear Holly,

I understand that you've been through an extremely painful experience and you need some time to heal.

I know that you feel scared about where this journey is taking you and even heartbroken at times.

I want you to remember your TTC journey--how painful that was, but how you carefully attended to your broken heart. Remember how strong you were. Remember your faith. This too is temporary. I know you want to take on a lot, to prove to yourself how strong you are. Remember that you don't have to prove anything. You are safe and you already have everything you need. Please allow yourself to sit with this discomfort as long as it takes. Don't skip over any of the tough stuff. This is your moment to heal. The time is now. Please take it and be patient with the process. You will know when you're ready for the next chapter.

Love,

Your true self

[Hidden]

I find listening to sad music helps me to get the feelings out.

Thing is you don't sit at home planning to have ill feelings towards anyone out of deliberate malice it's to do with grief about your own situation.

[Foodie23 Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

That’s exactly it Catgirl1976. It’s grief. For me, it was grief over the separation I felt between me and the baby that was in my heart. Grief for the baby that wasn’t in my arms. Grief over not having the life I knew was meant for me.

This grief was profound and it was complicated. It left a mark on my heart. It changed me.

And now I’m going to use it to tap into the grief that so many of us have experienced and are experiencing. I’m going to use it to help others. I’m going to give purpose to this pain. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Foodie23]

I had said to my ex boyfriend about times when I had cried when someone else was having a baby or getting married and his view was I was reacting like that not out of malice but because I had only wanted the same things and how crying does you good.