Not much understanding

Hi my son just got diagnosed with Asperger's at 19, I find it hard that no one could get this done before , I went to doctors when he was young. I was treated not well by another doctor who acted as if it was my fault about his behaviour, and so for him he has gone through school with no one understanding how he could not grasp a lot of work. Now he's diagnosed we aren't getting a lot of understanding again. It's very unfair , I have worked in a charity for people with mental health conditions and feel a lot of health services are not very understanding.

[Hidden]

I was diagnosed at 16, and whilst it was very difficult for my parents, my mother in particular found it hard because like you she had gone to doctors to voice her concerns and had been reproached. Depending what country you’re in, there can be a wide range of support to bare minimum. As your son is 19, he may be considered as an adult, and unfortunately as I’m currently finding, there is barely any support for adults unless they are on the lower end of the spectrum (Severe autism that requires full support). I want to tell you, that it’s not your fault, you have done everything for your son and it’s through your perseverance that he’s gotten a diagnosis. You’re a good mom, so don’t feel like you’re to blame for the length it’s taken.

How is your son coping with his diagnosis? It’s very difficult to understand and grasp the diagnosis, or at least I did, especially if you’re not really receiving professional support. I don’t know what country you’re from, but if you’re able to afford it, I’d recommend searching for an asperger specialist. They may or may not be able to be registered on insurance (at least in my country they seem to be a bit of a mixed bag regarding if they are covered or not by insurance). I had one for a few years after my diagnosis and she really helped me. I felt like I was finally understood, that it wasn’t my fault for how I behaved and importantly, she helped with how to socialize with people and gave me strategies to cope with situations, I don’t think I’d have gotten to university without her help. Although it’s still a work in progress.

I wish you the best.

[PearCider]

Of course it's unfair, but sadly it does happen. I didn't get diagnosed till I was 53, and strings of clues were missed for decades. It would all have been so much better so they say, if they'd caught it when I was in primary school.

There's an old joke about the Irishman who's asked for directions and says, this isn't a good place to start from. You do have to start from where you are, unfortunately, however much better you would have wanted it to be. At least your son has decades of knowing what he has, that I didn't have.