I am eighteen year old femal and i have been suffering with bulimia for about 2 and a half year now, i know i have a problem and it needs to be sorted but i can not face going to see my doctor as i fear what he may say to me. My family do not know about me having bulimia i have hidden it really well over the years, the only people who know is my ex boyfriend, my current boyfriend and his mum.
I know the reason why my bulimia started and it has just excalted over the years to self hartid, i fear everything the weight gain not looking pretty enough, being bullied. I compare myself to everyone i see without realising i do just sitting having a fag outside and i compare my self to the people driving by and i only see them for a split second.
Over the years my bulimia has been up and down i have my good times where i have very rarely made myself sick with in a week, to have bad times where i could make myself sick 3 times in a day 7 days a week. when i am anrgy with myself or someone has upset me or made me nervuos about something my way of making myself happy is to binge eat and make myself sick untill i can not possible throw any more up out of my stomach.
At the moment i have been quite happy so my bulimia has settled down abit but i am still making myself sick atleast every other day, the days i dont make myself sick i dont really seem to eat. on the days i do it because i eat but can not stop myself from eating more and more and i have to finish what im eating whether its a packet of sweets which can lead on to eating some crisps or someone has cooked me some chips and i wont be hungry but i will eat them but i can not leave anything on my plate i am not happy untill everything has gone, but then i can feel that the food can not all fit in my stomach anymore and it is staying outside of my stomach is it in the abdomen? or sumet but i can feel it so i know i need to make myself sick as i have ate far to much and if i let it go through my body i always think how much weight will i be putting on with all that food? Even when i dont eat enough for my stomach to feel quite full i still think i've ate too much so i still make myself sick..
Someone talk to me i dont feel like i am getting anywhere can i do this without going to see my doctor as i really can not face them!! My boyfriend and his mum are always there for me but only seem to say i'll be hear every step of the way and your best bet is to see a doctor! But they dont understand i cant do this i've tried to stopped myself but i felt like i was putting to much weight on and freaked out and carried on making myself sick..
I just want someone with the same experience to talk to me please, Or some help. just something pleasei dfont know what to do anymore.