just looking for some support really...
i have suffered with an eating disorder since i was 11/12 and am now 37 and feeling like it is too late to change but i really want to.
i have gained weight back up to a bmi of 18 but am really struggling to cope with it and although i understand to fully recovery i need to engage in therapy i am scared i will need to gain more weight when i can barely handle this weight.
i have 2 young children and a husband and i have read a lot to suggest that my family need to engage in therapy with me for me to successfully recover. my husband sees this very much as my problem and so i feel very on my own and that our marriage depends on me staying this way forever. ( i had some specialist help for a while and he was suggested a book to read to help support me but he hasn't even read it so i feel i really am doing this on my own) i really want to change but feel it means giving up a sort of life that i have when it would be easier to stick with but then at the same time i feel i have wasted much of my life and really want a truly happy future where i am not constantly stressed out about food, weight and eating.
i have lived a faking a half life and i feel at my current weight that is where i am stuck, i have read that people can really recover but it seems so out of my reach i guess am looking to hear that true recovery exists and wonder how i get there and if anyone else is in the same position as me in terms of a family, husband that doesn't get your problem and is unsupportive.
i just feel constantly on edge and that it would be easier to go back to losing weight again or wishing i was dead. just feel at the end of my tether really.