Am I struggling with a disorder?

[Lnicole]

About a year ago a situation started between myself and another person and over the year arguments or disagreements would make me not want to eat, so I just wouldn’t. When I’m with them I’m happy, and can eat as much as possible. But now a year later, If I’m on my own, I just can’t eat, it makes me feel sick. I feel like I’ve got such a bad relationship towards food, and depending on my mood, I just won’t eat at all. I just never feel hungry, more anxious and sick most the time. I keep telling myself and other people keep saying just eat, but that’s not helpful, I just can’t. Over the year I’ve gone from just over 11 stone, and yesterday I weighed myself to 9 stone 7. Although my bmi is still a good, I’ve lost a lot and a lot of people are noticing, non of my clothes fit, but non of this is making me still wanting to eat. I’m not purposely starving myself, I want to eat, I don’t want to lose weight or stave myself, but my body feels full, and doesn’t want food. I don’t know what to do anymore.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Its really hard to advise at this difficult time as it sounds as though you need to talk to a counsellor about your relationship with this other person and your relationship with food - you could try ringing Anorexia and Bulimia Care or BEAT - but I know they are really busy - both have good helplines - maybe when all this isolation is over you should get a referral through your GP - I found this really helpful.

[Lnicole in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thankyou for your reply, I really appreciate it.

[Hidden]

Hi, I am really sorry you are struggling in your relationship to food right now. I agree with the advice to seek professional help. I would also suggest looking into the work of Tabitha Farrar--she's a recovered anorexic, who like you did not start out to intentionally lose weight, but over time developed a pretty severe ED. When I was first trying to heal my relationship to food, her YT channel, blog, and podcast were incredibly helpful to me. She (and a few other recovery people) really helped me understand the biological underpinnings of EDs and having that understanding really helped me start to get better. I am happy to provide addtional suggestions, if you would like, but her work is really good place to start.

[Lnicole in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much, I’ll definitely have a look at her YouTube channel and blogs etc, I think that will be very beneficial to me.