Hello everyone, I'm really scared right now and would love some advice. For the past 3 years I've had an unhealthy relationship with food, being constantly trapped in a binge-restrict cycle, however now I feel like I don't really have any control anymore. Before if I wanted to eat I would almost flick a switch to turn off the guilty conscience and just eat whereas now I just can't. I am skipping breakfast and lunch and only eating dinner because my parents are there and I don't want them to become suspicious. Throughout the day I feel permanently tired and dizzy and weak but it doesn't stop me from not eating. Whenever my parents ask if I've eaten I'll lie about having already eaten or I didn't like what was for lunch or I have a stomach ache. When my parents aren't there I'll obsessively do squats or sit ups in my bedroom or I'll leave the house for some "fresh air" but go on a run. At the moment I have my GCSE exams and I really can't be doing with no energy and concentration but I can't stop. However I'm definitely not underweight but if I continue like this I'm going to end up being. I don't want to speak to anyone about this because I'm scared they'll laugh me out because I really don't look malnourished in the slightest. But being a perfectionist I know how stubborn my mind can be and I'm scared what could happen to me. I'm just worried if I talk to anyone I'll sound like I just want attention but mentally this is draining me and I'm just trying to hide it but it's really killing me inside. Does this sound worth telling someone about or am I overreacting? Any help would be hugely appreciated x
Please someone help? Does this sound ... - Anorexia Bulimia ...
Hi fluteyfitnessfreak, I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment but really glad you have made the decision to come on here and ask for advice. In my opinion I would strongly recommend you go to the dr and explain it all to them. You do need to talk to someone and it really doesn't sound like you are just seeking attention at all and nobodoy will laugh at you. Please, please speak to somebody before it gets any worse. Your situation sounds all too familiar as my daughter did the same sort of things as you and wouldn't tell anybody. You need to get the help you need to overcome this to live a healthy happy life. X
600 calories is not too high for anorexia at all you should be eating much more than that at least double. Anorexia is about the way you think mentally and once it gets hold it can spiral out of control. Please promise you will talk to somebody to help. My daughter was in her GCSE year when she started getting worse and since then for the last 2 years she has been in and out of hospital as an inpatient.
Anorexia makes you think you are fine but in reality you aren't. I'm glad you have spoken out on here and recognise that you may have a problem..that is a very good start. You need to stay strong and fight this off now x
Thank you so much! I know deep down 600 calories isn't enough but then I think a true anorexic wouldn't even be able to eat that much and I convince myself it's normal. It's absolutely awful not eating enough I keep getting brain fog and I just can't concentrate in any of my exams it's absolutely messing everything up for me but I'm worried it sounds like an excuse for unsatisfactory grades or something! I'm trying o nudge hints at my parents that I'm struggling to eat without turning it into a huge melodrama! Thanks for all your support and advice, I really appreciate it! X
I really understand how you feel - I was at the same place at your age - but help wasn't around then in any form and EDs were almost unknown. Its so good you recognise the place you are in so do approach a school counsellor - or ABC have a helpline for young people and I know they would be very supportive. Don't keep your feelings/thoughts inside your head - go and talk to someone you feel able to discuss things with - I know its hard to talk to parents about things like this - but I was so relieved when I talked to mine - they were fantastic and supportive - however - probably talking to a teacher/counsellor in the school might be helpful as talking to someone close can be hard. Please please seek help now as EDs so quickly take over.
Honey you are in exactly the same position as I was in. I was also doing important studies and ended up having to leave school to go into an impatient centre. I was restricting, lieing to my parents and denying I was ill.
Whilst this idea might excite your anorexia it’s so so much harder to recover the longer you allow it go on for.. 600 calories is dangerous for your health. Please seek help. You are in a slippery road downhill if you don’t. I wish u luck babe. Your stubbornness can also be your strength when u choose recovery xx
I’m really sorry you’re having to suffer through this at the moment and you feel so alone with your thoughts, these are not easy feelings to cope with, especially alone.
Please don’t think that just because you’re a heksthy weight that you can’t be anorexic , anorexia is about more than just your body weight it’s about the way you think & reaft to food + the control it exerts over you, in a way it’s an OCD soectrum disorder which is why you are exercising in your room, you don’t want to do this but anorexia has created a compulsion that you just can’t beak. It’s possible to be anorexic at any size if you are restricting or compulsively and obsessively exercising. The way you also mislead your parents over how much you’ve eaten is also a classic sign of anorexia. Please don’t feel bad or guilty for any of the things that are happening to you a they’re 100% not your fault. Like you said you’re a perfectionist which is a quality anorexia loves, it’s what made mine so bad.
600 calories is insanely low!! I had full blown, almost needing to be forced in to hospital anorexia and I can assure you I was eating double that amount everyday, you’re so young and need so much energy for your brain to function, you deserve to be happy and healthy and to be free from such oppressive thoughts. Have you tried calling the Beat hotline? They could then maybe pint you in the direction or local help in your area. I know it’s embarrassing and really hard but just telling 1 person will alleviate so much of your worry, t also helps as if there’s someone holding you to account , you’re less able to get away with indulging in the horrible ED behaviours.
Really well done for realising there is a problem and trying to sort it out before it spirals anymore, the quicker you get back to being you the happier you’ll be and I promise you the mind fog will clear.
Good luck x x
Thank you for your support, I honestly really appreciate it. I have considered calling the beat helpline but I almost feel like I'm betraying my parents by telling other people rather than them. But the reason I don't want to tell them is because I don't want to hurt or worry anyone I really care about. It makes me so sad that I could have a potential eating disorder I feel like all my life I've been healthy and not caring about anyone else's opinion, so I somehow feel in denial that it could be happening to me. I also tell myself I'm only on a diet and I'm just overreacting, so it's quite straining on the brain! I really need to tell someone how I feel because I feel like I'm just bottling everything up and suffering more. Thank you so much for your help xx
What you’re describing is 100% the thoughts most Ed suffers have as we can’t bare to think about how it will make our loved ones feel but I promise you it’s harder for them to deal with if you keep it quiet and end up getting sicker, especially as the further down the rabbit hole you go the harder it is to get out. When I finally gave in and accepted help from my mum it’ was lovely to have someone who was always there with a supportive ear, kind words and a hug. You feel so alone because you’re handling thoughts that are monumentally massive. I was 22/23 when my ED developed And couldn’t cope with the thoughts so at 15/16/17 I can’t even imagine the pressure it puts on you. Please tell your parents, from what you’ve mentioned you have a really close relationship & I’m sure they’ll do all the can to help. Rest assured you are NOT on a diet, people who diet are restricting but they are in control of it and not the other way around. When you’re exhibiting the ED behaviours and it feels really right then 100% it’s reallt wrong, ED’s work slowly and chip away at you, until you don’t recognise yourself, I don’t want t to scare you but I want to make you aware as I swore when I recovered I’d do all I could to stop other people from going down the same path. You are so young and have a whole wonderful life ahead of you, if you can find the incredible strength to beat this now, I’ve no doubt you’ll go on to have a happy future x
My daughter has been in this position. She didn't talk to anyone, including me, for ages. I just wanted her to talk to anyone, i would have been so happy if she'd rung a helpline. It wouldn't have felt like a betrayal at all. You are really courageous in taking these steps to make things better, your parents will be so proud.
honestly I know a bunch of people have replied but I can't stress enough how important it is for you to speak to someone and get help now- speaking from experience, your description sounds too familiar to how I started to feel around GCSE's. I kept thinking I wasn't 'bad enough' to need/deserve help but if ur unsure/looking for confirmation (I know I was), u definitely have an ed as others have mentioned. PLEASE do get help now, I'll always regret spending pointless time and not getting help asap, we deserve so much more and it definitely needs addressing. I want to shout at my past self, like you I knew I probably had an eating disorder but my perfectionism made me think I wasn't doing enough.
I found it hard to speak to my parents as well, if that's making you hesitate then see someone else first, GP, Helpline, school nurse, anyone.
others have said it so eloquently but this just hit home, honestly well done on the self awareness, trust the voice saying 'this isn't right' because you 100% need aid (from the sounds of it, like so many people with an ed, like my past self, you don't realise how critical you are?) (ahh, I just really want to say the right thing because I wish someone had properly acknowledged my unhealthy/irregular eating habits/ ed symptoms from the beginning and told me to get help immediately, from a recovering perspective its maaaad I used to skip breakfast and lunch and think 600 cals was high like you)
you are so strong and deserve all the help you can get xxx good luck on you're GCSE's btw fam x