Xmas

I completely understand. I just want people to stop feeding me and I want to be in control because I am eating so much. I am trying not to weigh myself because I do not notice my changes in weight otherwise. Also, I am not being as social as usual because that puts pressure on me and makes me more likely to self harm. I only do what I feel comfortable doing. Also, I go to Uni and so I am leaving back to my accomodation as early as possible because away from my family I feel better in control. Also, what helps a lot for me is talking a lot about things. Also, inactivity makes me feel like I am out of control and so I remedy that by exercising at home or going on long walks. I cannot do as much as before which makes me feel on edge and makes me feel like I will fall apart soon, but it is still something so it sort of justifies my eating a lot. I hope that you do not relapse and that you are able to stay in control.

Feel exactly the same...lost control, eating what I shouldn't...feel even fatter and hideous than usual. Still awake, feeling guilty and wishing it would just all come out! Have taken slightly more than the usual number of laxatives that I take daily but know that's not enough to rid me of what I've done. What do hurt...want to hide...hate myself for losing control...have to get back on track! Last Christmas I was so good at restricting and taking the laxatives, SH always there, just my way of dealing with things.

I'm snapping at my family, I know why...my lack of control, guilt and disappointment in myself...let's hope day is a new day and I can find control!

Best get some shut-eye...hope Boxing Day is a better day for you. Take care. X