Hello, I am Ellie! I am 16, and am going through some strange times… My story begins in the summer of 2016, I weighed 140 lbs at 5’3 and was distraught by the way I looked in the mirror. I would constantly get put down by those around me, and on top of that, I was (still am) a full-time dancer at 15 hours a week. I decided I wanted to become healthier mentally and physically, and I did so! By Christmas, I weighed 122 and felt great; however, this wasn’t enough for me.
I suppose it was partially because I got a new boyfriend and was super motivated to get a prettier physique, but all I know is that I went insane. I became pescatarian and instantly lost a couple of pounds from water retention… I felt good, and new what I was doing was good. In hindsight, I was extreme. You are going to think this is impossible and I am lying, but I promise you that what I am about to tell you is 100% true! I ate close to 800 calories a day, and then performed high-intensity dance cardio for 3 hours every night of the week (except weekends). I expended close to 600-700 calories per day, but only ate 800. I kept this up for about three-four months. I lost my period in February, and I haven’t had it since. By the end of may, I weighed 103. I looked amazing, and actually felt amazing. There would be days that I felt like I was dying, and looking back at that now… I probably was.
My annual recital was here and gone before I knew it, and then I had the whole Summer to have fun! I spent the summer making sure I didn’t eat too much because I knew I wouldn’t be burning as many calories. So I ate light by eating more fruits than usual and less protein. I ended up losing weight which I thought was “body fat”, but really it was muscle. At the end of summer, I had a tonsillectomy. I was unable to eat a lot, and in turn I lost even more weight. Everyone was scared. I was scared, but I loved the image in the mirror. I loved the way the bones would poke out of my skin and I loved the way my thighs looked so thin at times; however, sometimes I still seen myself as 140 lbs. I still seen the fat rolls on my tummy, the jiggly thighs, the puffy face, I seen it all… I weighed 90-93 lbs at 5’4. Still no period.
Today, I stand at 96 pounds. I cannot say I am mentally healthy. I see that the number on the scale has gone up, and it makes me think that I have gained weight. At this point, everyday is a struggle between eating too much because I want to stay small or feeding my body because I don’t want to die. It is really hard too, because I actually think I want to die sometimes. I don’t want to make this any longer, so if you are interest in talking to me about it… I would love to hear your advice. If you are also going through something similar, I can just be here for you to talk to…
Thank You, Ellie!
