I wanted to see if anyone has gone through a similar thing to me.
I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder but I have definitely lost control of my eating. I go through stages of binge eating, I eat too much and find myself eating in secret so people around me do not see, I'll sneak the food out of the room to eat it or when people have left a room i'll scoff a few more biscuits before they come back in. It's always sugary food, generally chocolate or biscuits. I will always buy share size bags and eat myself, I never by a normal bar of chocolate.
I am constantly starting a diet every Monday and although I have lost about half a stone over the last few months, I've lost control again over the last couple of weeks but want to get back on track before I get back to where I started.
I'm feeling very low in myself at the moment, I struggle to meet new people and have never had a proper relationship, I've been with people that have treated me badly and although I put on a brave face I have low self esteem but I don't think the people around me are aware as I just get on with it. I am naturally a very chatty person so come across very sociable and at work I have to meet new people all the time and that I am fine with but when it is meeting new people in my personal life I get filled with anxiety and will make excuses for it not to happen, I think that's another reason why I don't ever let relationships develop because it brings me a lot of anxiety.
I struggle to be out of my comfort zone so trying new things is hard for me so although I go to the gym (not as regularly as I would like) I cannot bring myself to try new classes as it gives me anxiety. I have been trying to think of ways to bring fitness into my life in ways that are fun and sociable but my friends are not into fitness and are all naturally slim and can eat whatever they like which makes it so much harder for me.
I am 12 stone 2 which I know is not severely overweight but I would like to be 10 stone and I don't know how to make sure that this time I am successful. It's really getting me down because I think my eating, self esteem and relationship issues are all linked and would love to feel completely happy in myself.
I have thought about maybe having some therapy but I wonder whether i'm just being dramatic and just need to motivate myself to sort it all out on my own.
Sorry it's all a bit of a ramble but I would love to speak to anyone that may have been through or are going through a similar thing.
Thanks in advance.