My anorexic life began 11 years ago aged 17. In all this time I've never fully gotten to a healthy weight, but have remained around bmi 16, enough to keep me out of hospital. I thought I was in control but suddenly I feel totally lost and unsure of who I even am. My self esteem has become so bad that I'm terrified to work, instead I use my savings and travel the world. This makes me happy and I'm a social person despite my lows. I'm very good at putting on a front. But often inside I'm dying and overthink everything. I become self-destructive and depressed.
My anorexia is still my comfort but the moment I gain even a pound I'm devastated.
I can't image il ever change my thought processes and that's simply because I'm not ready too gain weight:
I could use some advice on how to deal with getting back into work.. my fears of judgment, making mistakes, being a perfectionist etc have made me avoid working and I hate this about myself, I need a job soon as funds are running low but I've tried to start two jobs and have left both after one shift because I end up in tears and full of anxiety at the thought of going to work!
What happened to me?! I used to be so hardworking and ambitious.
Life is kind of stuck