Today has been really difficult. The calorie amount that I'm usually okay with eating I was really uncomfortable with. I had 522.. I felt really guilty and hid more than 1/2 my lunch in a napkin. I didn't eat breakfast. Because in my head it was saying you can't eat all that, you'll gain weight and get fat.
Yesterday I didn't eat until 5:00 (because I was home alone) knowing I could get away it and lie. I felt so in control and happy. Thinking I'll lose weight and get thinner which is all I've ever wanted to be.
Recently I've been chewing food and spitting it out just so I can get the taste of it. Cuz I wanna eat so bad but I just can't. I'm not skinny enough to be anorexic. Sometimes I wish I was cuz then I'd be at my goal.
I haven't told anyone about my eating habits still. Sometimes I wish someone would notice so I don't have to say something and start the conversation. But me being at a somewhat normal weight no one will notice. I'm not sure what to do anymore but I can't tell anyone cuz I'll gain weight, and I can't go anywhere cuz I'm not sick enough.
