My experience

[TPepper]

Hey! Hello, I'm TPepper and I just wanted to tell you guys my story and I guess ask if anyone else relates.

I have recently been referred to my GP for an eating disorder.

Through my childhood (so for at least 8 years) I have binged. Through my childhood, my weight was awful. At the age of 10, I was obese (at 87kg) and through high school, I reached a point where I was 115 kg. So yeah, my eating was bad. I was obese. I couldn't go three hours without eating. In fact, one hour was difficult. It wasn't great.

I eventually lost a bit of weight. On holiday, a lot of the food was spicy (which I can't stand) so I ate less. I became a lot more active. Also, my binge frequency reduced. I think maybe it was because I became happier. I started off uni at 95 kg.

For the first term, everything changed completely. I ate three meals that were balanced. I only binged once in ten weeks. However, seven weeks in, I found out that I'd lost 10 kg. I was 85 kg - the lightest I'd been in 10 years.

I started back the next term incredibly anxious of gaining weight. I started counting calories and restricting. I had a restriction period of around 4 weeks of like 1200 +/- 200 calories.

Since then, I have lost weight (now, I'm at 77kg) and I am still struggling with food. I have days where I restrict (300 - 1300 calories, averaging at around 900) then binge (1500 - 3000). I literally spend the whole day thinking about food. When I'm restricting, I am either so proud of myself for being 'good' or grumpy thinking about all the food I want to eat. Though I have days where I am able to eat properly.

I was insecure about my weight before - I had people tell me I'd never get married because I was fat and I was picked on and bullied. So losing weight was something that made me feel amazing. However, I don't particularly have an issue with my weight now. I do not want to lose weight because I think I'll look any better. It is more just the case that I want to lose weight because there's a feeling of accomplishment. It's really confusing. I don't know how it is for others?

Currently, I am getting help - I do not want to get worse. I do not want to lose any more weight. I do not want my health to get worse.

Is it just me who goes in restriction-binge-eating normal cycles?

Also, is it just me who restricts during the day, but binge during the evening?

Also, I feel like I'm not ill enough. I do struggle with food and I have for ages, but I mean, I am at a normal weight and the calories I binge and the amount I restrict isn't as severe as others. So I feel like because of this and because of the normal eating days and that I may not get treatment even though I've been referred. I don't know. What does anyone else think?

Sorry for this looooong post. Also, I appreciate it if you have read all of this. Thanks! Have a good day everyone! xx

[crazycrossstitcher]

Its really good that you recognise you have a problem and that you have been referred for help - don't turn this help down. I spent my whole university life in the same cycle that you describe - my weight fluctuated - but the binge and starve tended to balance out. It was a self destructive spiral - and can be very damaging to long-term health. It doesn't go away on its own - like many illnesses it needs treatment. Don't feel alone, your feelings and symptoms are experienced by many - but you've had the courage to seek help. ABC also offer help and support - so do visit their website too. I pray you'll get the help you need and that you achieve a full recovery.

[missaw]

Thank you for sharing your story. I have struggled for over 15 years for treatment because I am deemed 'normal weight'. BMI is a very poor indicator of health and it is time the medical professional recognised this.

In terms of the binge / restrict cycle, studies are consistently showing that dieting and restricting behaviours can lead to bingeing (Polivy and Herman 1985). I'm still trying to break the cycle!

I would try to stress the duration of your disorder and how much of an effect it is having on your life to impress upon the medical team helping you. The key is to get the help now before the disorder gets too out of hand. I wish you all the best! xx