Start of Recovery

I like to think Im in recovery, I'm eating and not shying away from food, and Im not going to the bathroom and purging my meals like before, but I feel as though even though I am eating normally, I'm not putting any weight on... in fact I'm scared I'm still losing weight.

I have the shakes quite a lot, and I get slight tingles in my chest which scare me to death, but I don't understand why because I'm eating and I feel like Im in a great place, but there are times my body doesn't quite agree.

Any thought?

Any for anyone else at a really low point where you don't think you'll ever be able to come out, just find someone... a boyfriend, a friend, your mum or sister, and give them a cuddle. Make them make you feel how loved you really are and remind yourself that this illness is killing them to.

You are never alone, I thought I was and it wasn't until I came to realise the harm I was doing to myself, and how scared and close to death I always felt, that I got to grips and started making small changes.

I know its only the beginning for me, and I just hope that everyone else out there can start making small steps to becoming themselves again, because this illness isn't who you are, and you can find yourself lost and in a struggle to get out, but YOU are still in there, just try to make sure you're the one winning the fight.

4 Replies

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  • Thank you for this - very inspiring. Every time I start feeling good and think I am eating well I get this happening too (until I relapse and fail...but you won't!). I figured it was body re-learning how to distribute nutrients and how my heart and organs can keep up with the intake of food properly again. I almost imagine it's like my body doesn't quite know how to keep up with it after being in remission for so long.

  • Thank you for your lovely post. It's important we remember the others in our lives.

    Regarding the weight loss, my CBT said that we often underestimate how many calories are ingested during a binge, and less than 50% is purged. In that sense, when eating becomes normal, we can actually take in less calories. I'm not sure whether this isn't true as I am sure that if I only purged 50% then I would be massive, so I wouldn't be interested to see the studies that show this, but then it does offer an explanation into why you are losing weight.

    I am so glad you are on the road to recovery and I wish you all the best xx

  • I don't agree with the theory that you retain so many calories after you purge because the amount I binge on on a daily basis would make me morbidly obese without a doubt. I think it depends on how 'effectively' you purge. When you start nourishing your body again the calories go straight to repairing the muscles like the heart and you often find in the early stages you need more to gain weight. I wish you well with your recovery xx

  • I wondered if it was just something they said just to 'scare' people into recovery.

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