Do I have a problem?

I've always been very food aware, and I have always watched what I eat and been cautious of not putting on lots of weight, but I feel like its becoming more serious.

About two years ago I began throwing up and eating less and less which lead to quite a lot of weight loss and the loss of my periods. Around that time my sister got diagnosed with anorexia and so my parents didn't really notice my issue with food, but when I saw how much it tore the family, I stopped throwing up and gradually ate healthier and gained some weight, however my periods never came back.

Since staring uni about a year ago, I have kept a closer eye on my food again, and in an attempt to lose weight, I started throwing up my meals again. I hated myself for doing it but if I felt I overate, the only way to put my mind at ease would be to purge. In the past two months however, I have become so down with how controlled I feel with what I eat, and I now regurgitate my food with no effort at all, and I have used this to get rid of meals. I have barley eaten in the past week so I don't have the guilt that comes after I purge, and I've become so scared of food and the control it has on me.

I look at myself and I hate what I see. My body hurts, and I know what I'm doing isn't right, I know I shouldn't lose anymore weight, but I can't bring myself to eat. Im not obsessed about my weight, my obsession is with food, and its come to the point where the only way I feel like I can stop it from controlling me, is to just stop eating it.

Im worried that this is a slippery slope into a worse condition, I can't tell anyone because I'm someone who deals my problems alone, but I've become so unhappy, I don't know what to do.

3 Replies

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  • amybadillotaylor, it sounds like you are already down that "slippery slope". You may be someone who deals with problems on your own, but this shouldn't be one of them. It doesn't get better without professional help. The signs are there that this is serious once your periods have stopped and your body aches all over. Please don't wait for other signs. As much as this may tear at the family, it would be much more devastating if something happens to you. Please Amy, talk with your mom. Take that first difficult step. Keep us updated on your progress. We all care about you. x

  • Hi Amy I agree with Agora. Please talk to your mum . There are some problems that we cannot deal with on our own and anorexia is definitely one of them. You did so well 2 years ago to start eating again and you can beat this but as you will have seen from your sister it is a long road & you will need support. You deserve so much more than a life with anorexia xxx

  • i really understand where you are coming from, when ever i binge eat imake myself be sick but my partner has caught me and tried to get me to stop but it is just getting worse and i feel i have nobody to talk to because i hate putting the pressure on my partner i feel like it is really unfair on him.

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