I've always been very food aware, and I have always watched what I eat and been cautious of not putting on lots of weight, but I feel like its becoming more serious.
About two years ago I began throwing up and eating less and less which lead to quite a lot of weight loss and the loss of my periods. Around that time my sister got diagnosed with anorexia and so my parents didn't really notice my issue with food, but when I saw how much it tore the family, I stopped throwing up and gradually ate healthier and gained some weight, however my periods never came back.
Since staring uni about a year ago, I have kept a closer eye on my food again, and in an attempt to lose weight, I started throwing up my meals again. I hated myself for doing it but if I felt I overate, the only way to put my mind at ease would be to purge. In the past two months however, I have become so down with how controlled I feel with what I eat, and I now regurgitate my food with no effort at all, and I have used this to get rid of meals. I have barley eaten in the past week so I don't have the guilt that comes after I purge, and I've become so scared of food and the control it has on me.
I look at myself and I hate what I see. My body hurts, and I know what I'm doing isn't right, I know I shouldn't lose anymore weight, but I can't bring myself to eat. Im not obsessed about my weight, my obsession is with food, and its come to the point where the only way I feel like I can stop it from controlling me, is to just stop eating it.
Im worried that this is a slippery slope into a worse condition, I can't tell anyone because I'm someone who deals my problems alone, but I've become so unhappy, I don't know what to do.