Scared

I'm really really scared. I think I may be anorexic and I know what I'm doing to myself is bad and I don't want to do it anymore. I've always been small and slim and I used to love dressing up in loads of different kinds of clothes and I was so confident and happy (apart from depression and anxiety but I basically felt that it wasn't all bad and I could get happiness when I wanted to). Then one day I went to get my french result and saw my reflection in a mirror and hated myself with every thing I had inside of me and all I saw was a fat, ugly girl who needed a better life.

At first, I started my weight loss by cutting out junk food and eating less than before, but it escalated from there to the point where I was eating 1 meal a day and doing ridiculous amounts of exercise.

I can now see my ribs, collar bones, hip bones, spine and shoulder blades and I'm so so thin, but I can't make myself stop and just eat. I'm absolutely terrified of what I'm doing to myself and I hate it more and more every day.

I'm desperate for someone to notice, but at the same time I'm terrified they will because then I'll have to stop. Before now, i've had comments off my head of year, but I've just told her that I'm fine and I eat normally and, while she is lovely, Im too scared to go and just tell her everything

Can anyone out there help? I don't know if it's anorexia or just a phase I'm going through. I don't know if everyone gets this at some point and it'll sort itself out or if I need help.

Please help :)

anna x

2 Replies

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  • Dearest anna, it is certainly not a phase you are going through. You sound like my daughter who is nothing but skin and bones. It will not sort itself out. You need help before it starts attacking your vital organs. (your heart, liver and kidneys) You have a positive thing on your side and that is you seem to want to reverse what you are doing to yourself. Please seek help immediately. It is a mental disorder that can kill you. I wish you the best in getting help and therapy.

    You are worth it.

  • Dear Anna

    Please please tell somebody all this .Maybe a family member and then ask them to take you to your Dr.There is help for you but this is a very difficult disorder to tackle on your own.You will need lots of help and support. You deserve to get better and to have a life without this horrible disease. I wish you lots of luck and please do speak to someone soon xxx

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