How do I get back to normal without gaining weight?

Hi,

I am 19 and Over the past couple of years I have been losing weight. So far I have lost about 80 pounds of fat (not including the muscle gain from working out nearly every day in an effort to lose fat). Recently, however, food has become such a focus for me, to the point that I almost will cry because of how much I want a certain kind of food and won't let myself eat it (well really, the breakdown comes from realizing how ridiculous this is). I tell myself that I am stronger than that and food shouldn't be so important to me.

See, I absolutely love sugar. I love rich foods. But Save for a couple of cheat meals a week, I typically only eat things like spinach, vegetables, lean meats, and nuts. I don't eat simple carbs. I probably don't eat too many carbs at all really. And a meal to me will consist of maybe half a serving of almonds or a handful of spinach. I drink green and black tea about three times a day, I drink apple cider vinegar, and nearly every time I have a cheat meal I take a carb blocking pill before (I know they're not 100% effective by any means, so the days after I will severely restrict my eating, sometimes eating no more than about 300 calories a day.)

I get cold very often, I get tired easily, but I ignore it. Sometimes I go to sleep just to ignore how hungry or cold I am. I crave sugar all the time almost, but I push myself harder because I know my body doesn't need it.

Today I decided I want to lose more weight. However, I eat so little I can't restrict that any more. I work out regularly, but I also know I need to eat more. I'm so scared of gaining weight! I know I need to incorporate carbs back into my diet because if I eat carbs now, I'll retai water so badly my skin hurts the next day.

I'm not underweight. I still have a little layer of fat on my belly and between my thighs, but otherwise I am muscular. I have always been a bigger build with very broad shoulders and back, but I'm not that tall. I'm 5'4". I'm of average weight, like 140 pounds, and my body fat percentage is probably on the lower side of the average range or just below. I don't look sick and I feel pretty confident! My friends tell me I'm skinny, but I don't see it. They don't see me without clothes.

I'm sorry this is such a long post, but if anyone has any advice to give me, I would be so so so happy. I just want to be able to eat slightly more normal again because I feel ridiculous. I can't enjoy going to eat with friends, I can't eat at restaurants, and I only feel beautiful if I'm as small as I am or smaller. I know I'm setting myself up for problems later in life and I really don't want that. Please help! Thank you so much!!

5 Replies

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  • Hello

    I think you should seek help to discover the underlying situations, thoughts, issues and problems that are being displaced by the ed rituals and controlling thoughts only then will you start to change and develop and grow in every sense.

    Hope that helps somehow

    Lala

  • Thank you (: I'm working on finding a therapist now

  • You just need someone who understands. Hope you find a good one :)

  • Hi Laurenlaney, I think the fact you are seeking help on this site shows you already know your attitude re: food and exercise isn't healthy. From the sound of it your friends are concerned, and with good reason since 300 calories a day isn't going to keep you well for long. Please go and talk to your GP and get some referrals to eating disorders clinics or therapists. An ED is very clever and tricks you into thinking you are okay. When it is in starvation mode the body feels full of energy (I know this because my 13 year old felt the same when she was on 300 calories a day) but it is really in panic mode and wants to rush around looking for food. Beauty is on the inside, look deep and get the courage to seek help from professionals...

    Best wishes

    Susiecoo

  • You need to go to your GP and ask for help - from the physical difficulties you are experiencing - the variety of foods and amounts you are consuming and the amount of exercise you are doing - you are not eating a balanced diet which is nutritionally sufficient long-term - also the psychological changes and the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing are not healthy - so please do seek help - and don't wait - be honest and push to see an eating disorder specialist - you need help and support now - good luck.

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