Lately I've been having fairly unhealthy thoughts. I've never been anorexic you can look at me and tell. I've also never really been to a professional for help so I'm only assuming that id be diagnosed with EDNOS. The problem is that sometimes I get angry at myself for not being anorexic. I get angry that I don't have enough will power to lose weight and instead I binge. Then I get upset because even though I binge I'm still stuck at the same weight. I can't gain and I can't lose and it angers me. I want to be thin, I'd love to be healthy and thin. It just seems like I can't get there and I'm so sad all the time. I went to a bridal shower the other day and broke down because my arms were to be for a dress I have. I don't like not being able to just wear whatever I want without a care. Sometimes I feel like because I am African American I need to be anorexic to prove that someone like me can have an eating disorder that's not binge eating. I hate that.