My boyfriend Dad's funeral is this weekend. My partner is all I should be worried about although he really disliked his father and is not suffering the loss the same as a person from a close family. But of course it is very sad and difficult. The funeral is stressful for me because I feel panic attacks in churches and remembering the stresses of my own Father's funeral. My Dad had a girlfriend we found about only on his death bed and my mother absolutely did not want her showing up to my Dad's funeral. And it was my job to watch the door and ask her to leave when she came. Anyways... I do stress about whom may show up at this funeral too. But my partner is very supportive and gives me no reason not to be confident in our relationship.
However now I am triggered to want to loose weight. Since all this happened all I can do is think about going to work to weigh myself - because I had to get rid of all the scales in my home because of how consuming it was to always want to weigh in. I am less than a 100 pounds at 5'f5" tall. For some unknown reason I want to be at least 95 pounds by the weekend. All the doctors say about seeking control and coping with stress in a harmful way is true. But really even with my medications and support groups in place - this time I feel no other way around it. This is my boyfriend's time to need support not mine. I did tell him I was having nightmares about it and he said everything will be okay and that I will be there for him. And of course I will be.