sex

sex is gone..wtf happened?

[jeffcobb Ambassador]

Well, I will take your question as honest and will reply with equal honesty. Two very important things about this you really need to keep in mind: 1. A great deal of what drives sex is the mind so its not unthinkable to state that to have a working sex life, a working mind just might be needed. 2. As you know very well by now as a caregiver, outward appearances typically give little to no useful information as to the patients current mental state. Thus, when viewing your mate for a little potential afternoon delight, keep in mind that he/she might not even understand. From the patients perspective, well at least from my own, when your very reality is flaking way around you in ways that scares the hell out of you, and can make you feel helpless as a child, well that just doesn't make me all that randy either. Not sayings its a gone or done-deal, it just takes a new set of thinking and probably a lot of patience. I may look the same on the outside but on days where my view of my reality is like living out an episode of Star Trek, my beautiful caregiver/wife may appear to me like that, or equally-likely I will see her as my mother (older adult/younger child thing) or maybe as someone else. Its nothing against her, it couldn't be...but its nothing against me either because while it may seem I do little physically, every damned day is a mental battle just to hang on....like a mental fight-or-flight instinct.......

[jeffcobb Ambassador]

On the other hand, I can/could blurt out Heather Locklears name at the wrong time and have the perfect excuse. Kidding aside, think about this: maybe its a male thing but when contemplating such an event, you want things to go well not to overstate the obvious. If things seem unpredictable as our caregivers, things and abilities or functionality are unpredictable AF to us. Mind you my Lewy Body adds a fun dash of Parkinsons to the dementia.

All of this is NOT to dampen your enthusiasm, no indeed. It's just that I don't have answers either and would love to know what works. The trick I think will be for someone to clearly see both sides of the equal sign. As a patient this is beyond me and most folks really don't know what's at play in the patients mind.

[JohannahBeth in reply to jeffcobb]

I like your honesty and sense of humour!