My Stepmother is an Alien

[catherinem]

I forgot to mention earlier that today is the twins’ birthday (the twins? I hear you ask) yep, some of you might know, some not I’m stepmonster to 18 year old twins! I hope that they’ve had a good day today, the reason being is last year they went their separate ways, twin 1 moved to Bristol with her boyfriend, twin 2 moved to Leeds with her mum, after spending their childhood in Bucks.

11 years ago when I first began dating Pete, I was aware that the likelihood of a man 13 years my senior having children would be high. Before meeting them I did dream about the twins in the picture (who can identify the film?) but they were adorable, two little girls coming to visit with a collection of teddies, pillow and duvets, I loved having them around, I still do. Unlike the twins in the picture they’re fraternal twins, non-identical, twin 2 with pale blue eyes and long brown hair, and twin 1 with brown eyes and curly fair hair. I enjoyed doing arty crafty activities with them, buying them presents (I still do) and taking them places (cinema, swimming etc). Twin 1 growing up always seemed to be the one who was more self-assured and did what she enjoyed regardless of what her peers liked to do, so she often enjoys a good book, I did also procure a flute for her from an old bandmate which she played up until she finished school. Twin 2, is very aware of those around her and was always very much part of the “in-crowd” at school and cared a great deal about her appearance and likes to have people around her. I remember one half-term they came to stay and I was working due to different half-terms in different counties and I came home from work one evening and found that she’d called her mum to collect her as she was bored as she “didn’t have anyone to talk to”. Pete procured a guitar for her from an old bandmate of his.

How does this relate to me and my TS you wonder, well there was always some concern about twin 1’s tics. She’s not the only member of his family to suffer tics, his younger brother still clears his throat, his younger sister, who is mum to an autistic teen still screws up her nose and blinks, particularly under pressure and shock of all shocks he had tics himself that he apparently trained himself not to do before he started secondary school. Twin 1’s tics were more noticeable in her first year of secondary school; the most noticeable was a sort of right shoulder shrug. She never performed this tic whilst out and about but only did it at home. I did ask her about it and she didn’t do it at school either and her mum had been giving her reflexology, rieki and massages to help. Well, we were all sitting watching some Saturday evening programe, probably the Xfactor and after a day out and about the tics had come out her dad says “Stop it!” she scowls and tries to ignore him, she carries on ticking “Stop it will you”, I lean over and say to her “Ignore him” and then he adds “I don’t want you to end up like her.” Indicating to me. Twin 2 interjects “But what would be wrong being like Cath? She’s a teacher, being a teacher is a good job.” Twin 1 scowls to herself. Twin 2 thinks for a moment “What job do you do dad?” TOUCHE he’s been unemployed ever since I’ve known him, earlier on I thought that he could get a job (but he wouldn’t) but now I know that he won’t. Somehow with Twin 2 around the truth outs.

When I was initially diagnosed he came along and somehow the conversation ended up veering towards Twin 1, her tics and his own, the consultant told him that in both cases it was most likely a transitory tic disorder, as did my current consultant when I first saw him.

We’ve been in touch to wish them a happy birthday but I am worried about Twin 1, as her sister is. I hope she gets I touch soon; it would be good to see her. Twin 2 is planning to start a degree in costume design soon; she’s not enjoying life up north, so she’s looking forward to moving back south again.

[Bootgates]

I do hope your stepdaughters get in touch. sounds like their dad has put a lot of pressure on them over the years through no fault of theirs. It's sad when people put a lot of pressure on people when they cannot help it. I know because I was brought up with embarassment both from family & community & mine was relatively mild compared to a lot of others. Trouble is I can only see it generally getting worse in this current climate.

[catherinem]

He doen't really put any pressure on them. When I was growing up it was taken as read that me and my brothers would go to uni. Pete oen't see the point in going to uni, he wasn't encouraged to do any better than to get a couple of O'levels, he thought the same about the twins, even though he did have a mad idea about putting them through private school (I'm sorry but I'm not paying for someone else's kids to go to private school, it's a system that's overated and I'm a firm believer in state schools anyway) When I was at uni there were people who were educated privately and they struggled. They did their 11+ as their LEA has a grammar system, but they narrowly failed, their mum pushed them and they had some extra tutoring. Twin 1 did start a pre-nursing course at college but it wasn't for her and the other will be only the 2nd person in Pete's family to go to Uni, her older cousin is in her 2nd year at Manchester (the 1st to got to uni from their family) and there was quite a bit of "what do you want to do that for?" but her mum did (P's ex-sister-in-law) did study for a degree as a mature student. I think there needs to be a level of aspration within families. I wasn't diagnosed as a child, but I think I might have been coseted and nobody really have any real knowledge of what my abiltlies were if I had been. I was sometimes quite lazy as a kid, but I supposse I did find it very difficult to concentrate and school tiring and I always felt that I could have done better. I'd like to carry on studying, my brothers have - one's doing a masters in scriptwriting and the other a Phd in something scientific.