How do you say it....i have anorexia? Ive also recently found out im celiac and it's making it worse

[physiogirl]

[Tomagcro]

Say it to someone you love who will help and support you and say it as soon as you can. I am the parent of an anorexic, it's going to be hard for you and those close to you. But the sooner you start your journey to freedom the better. Www.tomagcro.com

Good luck

[physiogirl in reply to Tomagcro]

thanks for your response. i only wish my parents where like you. my don't accept me

[mark1962fullyrecovered]

It is not necessary to say you have anorexia. Knowing it is sufficient. It isnt like a meeting of AA where everyone has to introduce themselves and "Hi there, my name is....... and I am an alcoholic"

This isn't necessary for any addiction and anorexia is an addiction. Anorexia is very complex and notoriously resistant to treatment. It can be beaten and recovery is possible. But it is not easy.

I was fortunate to completely recover from Anorexia. I have now resumed my career as a counsellor and I have my office in Derbyshire. I also offer online counselling via the accredited Liveperson website and skype

You may find my details here. If you do need to chat with someone who understands what it is like to have an ED then please get in touch.Anorexia is such a pervasive disorder and is by nature, very isolating and lonely.

Take care

liveperson.com/expert/m-blo...

derbyshirecounsellingservic...

[njam]

Ah well it is funny you should ask that. ...I have wondered that myself so many times...

I first had "that word" and "you are" said to me 18yrs ago by a gp. I think I had twigged that I was some time before that but I was very good at pretending and acting as though I wasn't. Looking back i was very young when it probably began. ..it just did. ..I was too young for any conscious actions in terms of weight . All i know is i didn't want to look fat. My family were in control of meals and food and I was always being given food...I think they just wanted to keep my mouth busy so they didn't have to listen to what I had to say(not that I remember what that was but I know I was a pain) anyways I guess my funny ways with food were normalised...when things progressively got worse as I got older and in better positions for lying or hiding what I was or wasn't eating family went out if their way to get me to eat...they couldn't let me get too thin!!! Someone might think there's a problem in the family. ..and there isn't!!! When my my dragged me to the gp she didn't want to hear that word...the look on her face! Shame. ..disgust. ..disappointment...how I was with food and losing weight until then I seemed to get away with by family turning a blind eye...after that I knew it had to be hidden more...I'd failed. ..my mum was ashamed disgusted and disappointed in me. I had to protect the family from this...so I did. ..I brainwashed myself I had no problem because it was bad and dirty and shameful.

I'm beginning now to see just how much my family let me down. ..their not being there for me led me to anorexia. ..They failed to support me seek help because they didn't want to see their part in it's development. Bottom line. ..they never cared....anorexia is all I had. ..my best friend. ...my everything.

It saved me. So thinking about it now...as i type...it's not bad dirty or disgusting or shameful is it!!! So in that case maybe I can say "I have anorexia"!!!!???? And that is ok :o)

Didn't expect that revelation so early in the morning...need fresh air now. ..a walk and breathing space

good luck

hope this helps!!!

n

[physiogirl in reply to njam]

thanks! i admire your strength. my parents find it difficult enough me having celiac disease so this would just not be ok. I'verecently stopped speaking to them anyway as im fed up with my mums emotional blackmail. im lucky to have a boyfriend who accepts me for who i am.

[njam]

If I've learnt anything in recent days it's that without strong bonds/relationships with your family you will never really trust anyone. ...you might think you can...convince yourself you can...maybe you will form relationships that make up up for the ones you lack but I've realised we all need someone and I read on pinterest a quote that sums it up. ...

"God couldn't be everywhere so he created mothers"

anorexics don't have mothers that are truly there for them...if they did they wouldn't turn to an ed....sounds harsh I know and I am a mother and so I put my hands up. I am now doing everything I can to make right my mother/ daughter relationship...it might be too late and i will have to deal with that at some point maybe.

Without a real trusting first relationship that is formed with the mother be wary of other relationships would be my advice.

n

[physiogirl]

njam you are an amazing person! I've given my mother so many opportunities to say she's sorry but there's always a but. I've lost any hope of her changing. I've opened up to her before and finally told her about being raped but it's the same non emotional person i get. I've allowed my emotions out too and ended up feeling ashamed. We've tried counselling in the past and now I've suggested to my dad that they talk to their gp about why they have 2 daughters seeing therapists!! any advice....I've got to the end of my tether

[njam]

Sorry. ..I have no advice. ...they won't ever change.

I only have very vague memories of things that happened to me. I don't have clear recollections but I know it was bad and scary and I was 5/6 or younger.

2yrs ago I went to see my parents to ask about their memories of a holiday where I remember something.

My mum looked me in the eye and told me "you have that wrong....you are mistaken" it was cold and calculated almost well rehearsed as though she had waited 30+years to say it but she was ready. I have rarely seen or spoken to them since. Funny thing but as a child I was convinced I must have been adopted by them as I didn't fit in and felt very different to my family. I feel nothing for them. Cruel comes to mind. I'd be better off without them. I guess they moulded me and controlled...they'd rather I died and let them off the hook. They don't care...they don't listen...let me drive myself mad when they are the crazy ones!!!

I got sectioned once for a month they visited once for 20mins!!! Never rang, wrote sent cards or anything!!!??? What kind of parent treats their child like that!!!??? Parents of anorexics that's who!!! They are only worthy of pity and forgiveness...working on that.

n

[physiogirl in reply to njam]

my parents are similar but they put on a front too....acting as though they care. They do this through buying me things. They want to see me but not to actually see me....just to be seen to see me. i hope that makes sense. This is their last chance. I'll wait and see. Most of me doesn't want them to change because i don't believe they will or can anyway.

[njam in reply to physiogirl]

Yes it all makes sense...Buying you stuff...being seen to see you and care. ...oh yeah I totally get that. ...but then they have to. ..I have no means of income or supporting my children currently. My life revolved around my ed... They talk of what I will inherit!!! As though that will make up for all this!!!???

I have trusted that I've been on a journey the whole time. My ed never scared me...I was made to feel bad about it and scared by it at times but somehow it lives in me....hard to explain. ..you will understand one day...I guess I convinced myself or I was brainwashed into thinking my family cared it is hard to accept you could be so bad and unlovable. I was more parent in the relationship with my parents...I'm now realising that they are not my responsibility. ..I was supposed to be theirs. I see it in the time I spend with my children now I'm starting to be with them how much I missed out on being mothered and I'm determined to keep fighting so I can be the mother children want and need. I'm learning all the time. It is hard and confusing and frightening but stick with follow the voice inside...it is your journey...journey to all things happy

[njam]

I'm glad you've realised now she won't ever say sorry. Maybe you can work on accepting that and do what makes you happy. I'm sorry for my kids. ..it took me 38 years to realise how alone, unloved and unwanted I am by my own husband and family. If I can truly sort myself out I can get work help others and move on and provide for my children and leave them all behind because they'll never be sorry. They just want me to think I'm mad and stay anorexic cos it suits them!!!

please do what you can to move on. Don't waste as many years as me!!!

Deep inside you there is a spark of life. ..nurture it. Oh and remember you are loved by someone out there :o)

[physiogirl in reply to njam]

yes im lucky to have a boyfriend who loves me for who i am. warts and all. it's the past i need to accept and move on for. thanks for sharing your wise words.

[njam in reply to physiogirl]

I truly hope he does....I think I feel for my my husband because he made me feel wanted, needed and loveable. We had a lot of fun...we were like children. ..but then things changed. ..looking back little things over a long time. I have realised that he probably only wanted me to look after his house...clean...cook...do the washing. He is not interested in me...only the children. Other stuff has happened. ..he ignores my concerns for our children. He said he wouldn't choose me over his dad... Other stuff I cant remember right now. He doesn't know I'm attempting recovery...he is happy for me to stay anorexic because when low in weight I can't think straight and he thinks I'm a puppet...if at sny point you doubt your boyfriends love. ..commitment. ..anything. ..please leave him

Good luck

[physiogirl in reply to njam]

oh god..he sounds just like my ex husband....that's tough, take care x

[njam in reply to physiogirl]

Don't worry...I will...if I can truly sort myself out trust myself to look after my children without relying on out of hand, ed behaviours....I can get work and provide for them and move on. ..I'm up against it but I have faith and not given up hope yet!

n