Dummies/soothers.... What's your thoughts?

Hi ladies, I hope you are all well. Just wanted to get a sense of general opinion on the use of dummies? Do any of you use them? How old was your baby when you started using them? Do they help settle your baby?

I haven't used one as of yet and James is only 13 days old today but I've been asked a couple of times if I've given him one yet?! I don't feel he needs one at this stage as he is feeding well and touch wood is settling well. Feel like there is a stigma attached to dummies so interested to hear your views!

23 Replies

  • I personally haven't used one..as I dont think my son needs one. I am not against them but me as me or my boyfriend never had one as babies then I guess we didnt really feel the need too. My son is 12 weeks and has done fine without..I have young family members tht had dummies and their parents had a job getting them to giv them up when bigger which probably made the decision for me tht he can do without. Some babies dont even like dummies. If ur son is doing well then I would just go with the flow... xx

  • Same as ceribean really. My son James is 13 weeks and has done well without one. I didn't really want him to have one but he hasn't needed one anyway. It really is down to choice though and if you decided that James would benefit from a dummy then that's your choice as to what's best for him so don't worry about the opinion of others :-) I got told that I'd regret not giving him a dummy and I'd cave "to keep him quiet". As a newborn generally only cries when they need something, I didn't really wana keep him quiet anyway lol x

  • Me and my husband discussed this before Sas was born and we both agreed we weren't going to give her one. Unfortunately as she was in scbu, they gave her one due to her tongue tie. They said it would help her establish her sucking motion till she had her tongue clipped - fair enough. They also said it's thought to reduce the risk of cot death. Yep, more scaremongering... She still has one now at 4+ weeks but only when she is getting grouchy before feeds when I'm not quick enough with her food or if I'm out with her and she starts creating! She tends to spit it out fairly quickly so don't think she is that fussed on it.

  • Thanks ladies... I think you are right, I'll just go with him whilst ever he is happy.... And like you say, when he is so young I would rather hear him if he needs something. I had very similar conversations that I would regret not giving him one which is what made me think!! I understand if it's to help something like tongue tie though. I don't know, the opinions of others are enough to make you dizzy sometimes. We are only 13 days in and I already feel like screaming that he is my baby and mine and daddy's decision is final! Lol

  • You should say exactly that..just say he doesnt need one and hes happy as he is.. My son has found his thumb so he can suck tht..its free..wont fall out of the pushchair and dont need to worry if he loses his favourite one lol.

  • My husband and I said we weren't going to give a dummy before our baby was born. I'd read too about them supposed to reduce cot death but didn't really want him to have one. When I saw a breastfeeding support woman she said don't give a dummy as it will confide him?!? Any way, at about 2 weeks old he just wouldn't settle and we had a dummy from a bottle starter kit. So we tried it and he liked it! Then after a week or 2 changed his mind once he had found his little thumb!! Refused the dummy ever since!! Just do what's right for you and your LO xx

  • Two of mine didn't have dummies two.. the youngest two did but I made the mistake of letting them have it during the day and for far too long! They say start taking it off them around 6 months but mine had it till they were 2 was a nightmare if u lost one and if they had a favourite one then u had to make sure u had enough of them around... and then trying to get them to give them up was hard they didn't want to but as soon as they did they never asked again....I did try and give jakea dummy when I felt like he was using me as one and I just wasn't getting anything done but he kept gagging on it and it put me off which I'm glad cos he has been ok without it since. ..I just find it hard if he cries for me and I'm trying to have a bath or do dinner or pop out to drop my kids to their clubs etc but he is seeming more content so I'm happy with that :)

  • Agree with the other ladies here. My son has one which was obviously our choice. So far it hasn't created any problems after 15 weeks and many parents have great suggestions on how to give them up.

    I have two friends with 18m old babies who say they wish they had given a dummy as they now have trouble soothing themselves with no comfort (and they won't take one now).

    Also have a friend with a 'finger sucker' who is just starting school and still sucking their fingers. Mum hates this - how do you get a child to give up their fingers when you can't take it away?

    It seems either way you're damned if you do and damned if you don't!!

    So far I'd say if youre managing without one perhaps don't give one? However, consider later how they'll comfort themselves, maybe a blanket or teddy? Most babies tend to have something at some stage.

    Entirely your choice for you and your baby - whatever you're comfortable with!

  • My daughter used to suck her flannelette sheet she would wrap it round her fist but she still has it now and she is 15 ! Although she didn't suck it now lol! But she thought she lost it the other day and she was gutted bit she found it again :)

  • My initial piece of advice for you is that no-one has a perfect inbuilt step by step instruction manual on what's best for their own baby, never mind yours, you and daddy are the only experts on your baby, even though it seldom feels like it, so do what you feel is right whilst been open to suggestions.

    Regards dummies, we used one with our first but not until she was about 2 months, we didn't do well with breast feeding, eventually I had to take to bottle feeding, which being quicker doesn't give the settling advantage and comfort of breast feeding. It helped soothe her when she was upset and helped settle her at bed time, but we had many nights getting up to find it for her, at about 18 months we went cold turkey at night and within a week she was fine without it. During the day she was only ever allowed it when she was upset or struggling to settle when tired, we waited until just before Christmas when she was 2 and a half before the Dummy Fairies came to reclaim them for the babies (we wrote a letter and put it in a bag with the dummies and hung it on her bedroom door), the fairies left her a small treat and a thank you letter. She never asked for a dummy afterwards and was very happy telling everyone about the fairies. Whether we did right or wrong in letting her have one, who knows, it worked for us. My main concern about letting them find their thumb, other than not been able to take it away, is hygiene, but maybe that's just me. Our 2nd is due in Jan, we won't be rushing with the dummy, will just see what happens again and do what feels necessary. Good luck, essay over!

  • I agree with an earlier post. Our son was always putting his hands and fingers in his mouth. Our midwife said that it's easier to break him of his dummy than his hands and fingers. He doesn't have it all the time and wilk settle without it.

    As with anything, use your common sense and listen to your insticts. There are no manuals! :-)

  • I said all through pregnancy that I never wanted my baby to have one, I'm a dental nurse and my main concern was the attachment to a dummy as I have seen 4/5 year olds at work with dummies and they're teeth are starting to become out of line and this is the reason, my daughter is now nearly 6 months old and still doesn't have one, she's EBF, and I don't feel she needs one, ppl are surprised when they ask if she has a dummy and I say no it's like Why??? as far as I'm concerned what they don't know about they don't miss :) x

  • I was certain I wouldn't use one, but on way home from hospital ended up buying some. My daughters now 2, she has one on her pillow and she sort of decides if she wants it or not and most nights goes without it. I've told her its her last dummy and soon the fairy will be coming to collect it which gets her excited. My cousin took the dummy off her kids when they were six months old and if they ever see another child's dummy they go straight for it. I think you'll just know when's best for you child to have one and stop having one x

  • Hi my son is 7 now. When he was a baby he would not take to a dummy my sister in law try but didn't work as long as your baby is happy without it + u can cope with him not having one. I give my son a taggie which he loves. I'm due with my second one soon + I got some dummy's on stand by.

  • My Mums got a real thing about dummies and left ,e in no uncertain terms what she thinks of them!!

    However: How does a baby sooth itself? By sucking.

    If you don't give it a dummy and it really wants to suck something, it will just suck its own thumb. And its FAR easier to wean a baby off a dummy than wean it off it's own thumb.

  • I think it comes down to the baby as well as to whether they will continue to suck their thumb, etc as they get older. I sucked on my fingers and thumb as a baby and stopped when I was a toddler anyway. My cousin sucked her thumb and then continued doing so and have no idea is she still does lol. However a girl I know had a dummy and was weaned off of it and started sucking her thumb instead to continue the comfort....and still does it as an ADULT! I think it's probably the baby and their little personality that determines what they will continue to do :-) x

  • Yup, I have a 35 year old friend who still sucks her thumb occasionally!

  • It's terrible but I can't help but giggle when she starts doing it without even realising lol

  • Befor I had my baby myself & My Boyfirend said no dummy but befor he was 7days the dummy had to come out as he was sucking on his finger & hand. He is now 3month and still use it but not all the time only when is want to sleep or I want to get some house work done even when u give it to him sometimes he doesn't want it so is not like he is stuck to it like a glue go with what work for you.Good Luck

  • I ebf for the first 6 weeks and when my lil man was 2 weeks old I hit a wall and he just wouldn't settle at all so against my first thought of not giving him one I tried it and he wouldn't take !! And he's now 8 weeks 2 days and he still won't take it lol I think he prefers the boob or bottle teat as dummies just look small in his mouth, to be truthful he really doesn't need it so I won't bother trying again. Do wats best for you and bubba it's all a learning game and all babies are different xx

  • I think if ur baby wont settle then think about using one. If needed, they can be fantastic. Both my babies use one. One lasted 6 wks, the second lasted 3 wks!! The oldest one didn't struggle to give it up. He wad ready to.Its a comfort at the end of the day. Just make sure you get ones that have an orthodontic fit fie the mouth and teeth development. It can be a positive thing, definitely. Good luck!!

  • Thanks very much ladies. Some great advice as always! Will see how we go! Xx

  • Hi, My daughter is 2 and a half and loves her dummy!!!! wish we"d not bothered she"d have it all day long if we let her, we"re having to tell her the dummy fairy is coming to take it away while she sleeps and giving her a present in return lol.

    My son however is 10 years old and he had his dummy till he was 1 yrs old and he wasnt that attatched to it so we had no hassle taking it away from him

    If you feel that your son doesnt need one then dont give him one :) you have no need for it. It does make things a bit easier for settling them when they are upset as it is a soother for them, but if you dont feel the need then dont bother xx

    You know better than anyone what his needs are as its a built in instinct.

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