How do I meet other mums to be?

Hello everyone,

my partner and I joined the NCT early on in the pregnancy as friends of ours had told us what a great network of new friends they had found due to having joined the NCT.

However, I'm not sure where and how I'd meet other mums to be! Two sets of friends told us that when they joined the NCT they were matched up with other couples expecting their child at a similar time and then met up regularly - way before birth.

I went to an NCT first aid course for babies a couple of months ago and asked there how I'd meet other expecting parents and was advised to attend prenatal classes. But these prenatal classes are only about five weeks before birth and it's three Saturdays in a row only.

I wanted to go to a Nearly New Sale to see whether I could find out more there, but that was cancelled. I then wanted to go to the welcome evening in my area, but that as well was cancelled. Other meet up groups are generally breastfeeding groups or coffee mornings which take place while I'm working.

I'm new in the area we live in and we have no family or friends nearby, so I'm still feeling pretty lonely and somewhat disappointed as I'd expected more to happen from the NCT. Don't get me wrong, this forum here is amazing, but I wonder what the benefit of having paid a membership is as everything else seems to be arranged (and cancelled) by volunteers. I would've thought that there would've been more get togethers, meet ups... or what our friends told us, being matched u with other parents to be.

Does anyone know more, or have any advice? Am I missing something obvious?

Thanks, Silke

24 Replies

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  • Yes it would be good if that could happen but I only look for support on this forum and communicate by reading and posting blogs and answers but other than that I don't have anyone to meet up with, strange enough I had friend who was pregnant and both of was best of friends and I was the one that most of the supporting, we would meet up go for lunch or dinner or just chill out at my house, unfortunately I had a miscarriage but I still meet up with her and still go for lunch , everything appears to be normal.

    When she's ill she call me up, I took her to the hospital and there for her, I never had an ounce of envy or jealousy towards her, I was always there for her, I took her to the spa, I was looking forward to her having baby. She went in and have the baby, I went and look for her, I was taken by surprise that when I went there I was like a stranger to her, she blank me the whole time, she hardly speak to me, she was only speaking to the others.

    I only over heard her on the phone telling someone she had a c-section and she never mention it to me, I never knew how much the baby weight but yet I was the one she was looking forward to be the baby godparent. When I left the hospital I was so broken and could not understand as why or what I did to her, I never return because I realize my presence weren't welcome, now after her friends are no longer around her she's seeking to come to my house to chill out with her baby, I don't think so.

    She rang me once because I didn't ring her, so I ask her what wrong have i done to her, but yet she can't say why, the only thing she's saying to me is that I was been very good to her and she don't want to lose me as a friend but I told her she did not appreciate me then ,so there's no way I can let her into my life again and the chapter has been closed, yes she even rang me yesterday and I spoke to her, still asking me to be the baby godparent but I told her I don't want to be a part of that.

    Even though my comments may be off topic as to what you are trying to find out but been pregnant you need the moral support because we are all human, I am pregnant now and I need the support too but when I remember my time I had invested in someone and see the outcome it just pains my heart and thinking that the only way I would want to communicate is on line because you would be surprise to see the level of support you get from this site, it's even better than meeting up with some people trust me that's human for us.

  • Unfortunately everything in the individual branches is set up and run by volunteers. most of us have children and work so can be a bit hit and miss. You would be welcome at coffees and breastfeeding groups with a bump although I can see this wont be easy while working. Our committee meetings are generally in the evenings so that may be an option. We also have a FB page which would be a good place to shout out for someone else around your EDd so have a look and see! Good luck. x

  • Unfortunately everything in the individual branches is set up and run by volunteers. most of us have children and work so can be a bit hit and miss. You would be welcome at coffees and breastfeeding groups with a bump although I can see this wont be easy while working. Our committee meetings are generally in the evenings so that may be an option. We also have a FB page which would be a good place to shout out for someone else around your EDd so have a look and see! Good luck. x

  • I agree, it's really tricky until the point the NCT kicks in. A local mum to me told me that you have to wait until then/after the baby is born as it's then that you all hang out in the same coffee shops and see each other all the time in the street.

    There is a 'who's near me' section on this website, but it's not the easiest to use. As a matter of interest, whereabouts are you?

    x

  • You could start a discussion and see if anyone on here was in your area and pregnant an needed support? Then possibly meet in a local coffee shop and see how that goes?

    My support came from a friend who moved away 10 years ago (I'm 17, so keeping in contact wasnt really a thing) but i recently bumped into her as shed moved back and now we meet up twice a week with our kids. Hopefully you'll be as lucky an get the support you need!

  • I did the anti natel course and it was a life saver!

    It was a six week course and I have remained really good friends with everyone that was on the course with me. The Nct 'leader' was really good and arranged s couple if social gatherings for us all too. We still see each other st least once a week - we all go to the same mother and baby group and often have lunch or coffee together.

    But if this isn't happening do not despair! Once you have had baby just search for local groups and go along, it's do easy to make new friends with a baby as you instantly have something in common with other mums. I gave a better social life now than what I did before!!

    Good luck with everything :) xx

  • Hello,

    have you tried researching things like prenatal yoga or aquanatal courses? I've met some lovely ladies who are due at various stages on these things. I found these not only help me meet like minded people but also keep me moving and not just sat at home! Worth a google search! I had never done either before and I've picked it up over a few weeks!

  • Hi SikelP

    I'm in a similar position to you (25 weeks prgnant) -I haven't lived in my area long, and its semi-rural and I'm desperate not to be isolated when the natural day to day sociability of my work stops. Added to this, a bit like monika15 my best friend dropped out of my life a couple of years ago with no warning so taken together I have had a bit of a panic. Due the geography most pre-birth stuff isnt in the small town we live in. So I've booked into the active birth course at the hospital 25 mins away in one direction, I've booked on an NCT course 15 mins away in another direction and on my day off I'm trying to go to aquanatal 15 mins in another direction...the courses haven't started yet...but the active birth one starts soon. I'm a bit disappointed with the NCT offerings in our area too because the course isn't weekly, it's squshed into 2 weeks, about 3 times a week for longer sessions, including at the weekend. Im thinking this wont be optimum for making new friendships! However I've booked the NCT anyway as the AB course doesn't include the partner much and I want him to have some input! There is a children's centre in our town which has some post-birth activities on that I plan to go to. Other friends in other towns not nearby have been to baby signing, baby massage, baby swim lessons, and random mum and baby groups in churches...so I'm really hoping that will work for me too...as long as its not too expensive!!! Good luck in your quest, (maybe some internet research on your area will help?) it's important we have support - my husband is great emotional support now but I figure post-birth we will both be too tired and need more support than just each other! Xx

  • Ah what a shame, it is always abit of a let down when things like that happen. The only way I meet new mums was after I had had my son and went to baby groups. I did go to the parenting classes in the hospital but they were for 6 weeks the birth and we didn't really get to speak to anyone really.

  • Definitely let us know where you are based! I've been waiting for the antenatal classes too x

  • The NCT I find is great to chat to other Mums and Mums to be & in itself can be a great support network. You really do get to know people over a period of time and in many cases would love to meet up and get to know these people more, in particular for me is KazzaCollie, we've been PM'ing since February and its great, our EDD is the same date but our pregnancies couldn't be anymore different but its great to formed a bond with her. The problem we have is she's up in Sunderland and I am Surrey!

    I have an antenatal class booked via my midwives which is next sat for 4 hours, that's it so I don't expect to meet anyone. There is a breast feeding cafe very local to me and the NCT organise that as a coffee morning but again like you it's a Thursday morning & I work too.

    I am lucky enough to have a school friend fairly local who is a week ahead of me and we bounce everything off each other and some other girls I know who are due just before and after me, big up the September Baby! (I am 30+4)

    I know that probably wasn't much useful advice, I seem to ramble on! Pregnancy brain!

    I checked your location, your not too far from me, I am M25 J6! At least in the same county hehe Xx

  • I was also very interested in aqua natal as recommended for my ailments and for the weightless feeling but I cannot find a local class and yoga just sounds *yawn* although it would probably be good for me so maybe I shouldn't dismiss it so easily!

  • I had a look at whats offered in my area too since someone recommended it to me, but coffee morning is on when I work, not sure if I will go once I have had the baby as its not really that near to me! I have found a mother and baby group in my local village so will be going to that one, haven't found anything else I can go to! Disappointed!

  • I am on the same boat. I thought I would be meeting people through NCT well before the antenatal classes. As people suggested I checked out coffee meetings in my area but that proved a dead end too. I emailed two groups close to me asking when and where they are meeting and I am still waiting for an answer. The info on NCT might be out of date. I am now checking Facebook to see if any groups advertise through there. The last resort is to use meetup.com to set up a group in my area myself..

  • Thanks everyone for all the answers!

    First of all, I really do appreciate all the support one can find here on the forum, that's really great. And I also know that there are a lot of volunteers out there who have busy lives but give up their time to arrange get togethers for others etc, so that's really a great thing! And of course there are lots of lovely people on here to be in touch with, but what I'm really looking for is other mums/families that I could then also meet up with in real life, where our children could become friends etc.

    I just think I was expecting more when I paid a membership for the NCT. I'm not sure what I expected, but somehow some details of various groups/meetings/get togethers etc. Not by volunteers, but something set up by the NCT. Because now I wonder why I paid for the membership...? What is it you actually get for having paid, I'm not quite sure.

    There are coffee mornings and breastfeeding get togethers, but as I mentioned before, they happen during the week in the mornings when I'm at work.

    I have actually joined a pregnancy yoga group and I am really enjoying it, but there's no socialising connected with it. I think it's the timing as we can only park in the area 10mins before the class starts, so everyone rushes in late, gets changed quickly and then the class starts, and by the time we finish the next class is already waiting outside and there's no cafe or something nearby. Of course I could stop the other ladies and check whether they'd like to meet up, but I'd feel awkward. Also I joined late and the others are all giving birth very soon, ie this month or next and somehow I don't feel quite part of it.

    And there are also other classes going on in London - there's lots, but it all costs and I just don't have a spare £300 for a course (the NCT one costs £225 here), with a house move and all the expenses that come with it, money is getting a bit tight now.

    I think overall it's just a bit of disappointment, maybe I just expected too much, but other friends (who don't live nearby) have been talking so highly of all the friends they made through the NCT, but they all seem to have been matched up with other couples way before birth, so I was kind of expecting something like that when I joined.

    I am currently based in South West London, in Wimbledon. We sold our last place in February, and are currently based here until we buy our new place in New Malden next month (and then start the renovations... I'm dreading it!).

    So ideally I'd be looking to meet others from around the area, Wimbledon, Kingston etc. Anyone here from South West London/Surrey?

    Tanks again, it's fabulous having so many people here to talk to!

    Silke

  • Please forward your thoughts to Nct head office! When I first joined membership was much more reasonable and I didn't question it, since then it has gone up exponentially and you are right it is hard to see what you get for your money. Everything is open to non members anyway except fast track entry to nearly new sales. Essentially you are donating to a charity, and while it is a fantastic charity that hopefully pushes the powers that be to ensure best standards for pregnancy childbirth and early years in terms of research and campaigns 'membership' doesn't really get you a lot!!! In the future if you volunteer eg at nearly new sales, or generally for your branch committee you can get much reduced membership fees. Good luck and hope you find your niche, I am sure you will. xx

  • What about joining in with some local pregnancy yoga or other activity?

  • As I said, I've joined the yoga but it's not a social get together somehow, everyone comes and goes straight away, gets picked up etc.

    Otherwise I can't do many of the weekday activities on offer (for example my H&M has pre-natal classes, but they are at 11.30am on a Thursday) as I'm at work 11hours a day.

  • Hi there,

    I completely understand what you're saying and am so glad i'm not the only one who has been feeling like this! I am currently 28 weeks. I also joined NCT fairly early (pretty soon after my second scan) as neither of us are from here and none of our friends here have started having babies yet!

    Where are you based? I am sort of between Haringey and Barnet at the moment. Haringey NCT did actualy hold an early meet up for mums-to-be in June and it was very well attended and we all gave our email addresses and I was able to inform some of the mums-to-be there of some of the exercise classes I have been attending and they were able to inform me of their yoga classes. They should be doing more of this type of thing. I guess NCT Haringey is particularly good as it's near very family/child friendly areas such as Muswell Hill and Crouch End. Barnet on the other hand don't have too much on at all and are struggling for volunteers at the moment. So perhaps it depends on area which seems a bit unfair/post code lottery?

    Overall I have been a bit disapointed with the lack of meet ups for mums-to-be, especialy given the amount of money I have had to spend on joining NCT and then paying all the money for antenatal classes. Coffee meet ups at like 11.30 on a week day aren't very helpful for women at our stage as most mums work right up until around due date now. I really feel NCT should take this on board as it's obviously not just me who feels like this. I attended a local NCT commitee meeting recently and voiced my opinion on this matter!

    To be honest, I have met most people through going to aquanatal classes once a week. I have also volunteered to help at one of the NCT nearly new sales. Posting something on Mumsnet also helped a bit...I managed to meet 1 other mum-to-be through doing this.

    Laur

  • Hi, I've just moved out of London and left all my friends and siblings behind. But I've looked into aquanatal classes to attend in my new area and have attended a bumps to babies group for 4 weeks at the local SureStart children's centre. They gave me info on the last session I attended last night including a timetable of all their drop ins and groups for new parents as well which I will look into attending so as to meet more people. Maybe check out your local children's centre? And a lot of the courses/drop ins are free or cheap and they tend to be very supportive environments :-)

  • I'm glad you found the right groups quickly in your new area! :-)

    There are groups like that here as well but they are all in daytime and I will be working (or at least that's the plan) until one week before due date. So it looks like I won't be joining any groups until I've given birth and I'd really hoped to meet other mums to be sooner and exchange ideas, worries etc. I can't do aqua classes as I have severe eczema.

    I think I need to call the NCT some time and ask them what exactly the membership includes. Like I said I love the forum but I wouldn't have had to pay money for that, and it's not like classes are free as a member...

  • The bumps to babies group I attended for four weeks was evening time so partners and such could attend so they do try and get at least one group available for workers. Though you are right, most are during the daytime which is a bit of a letdown. Good on you for working so long! Because of the move I had to leave my job much earlier than I would have done and now find myself a bit bored lol! :-)

  • Hi Silke and all the lovely mums to be, I am exactly in the same situation, moved recently to Aylesbury and willing to meet other mums to be in the area. Next month I will start with the aqua-natal classes where I will finally meet someone else on the same boat! Silke, a pity that you are a bit far from me! Is there anyone based in Buckinghamshire?

    Have a good evening,

    Laura

  • In a pretty similar situation, new place miles away from family and friends and all groups are mostly for after babys born :(, hope you meet new mums to be soon.... im in dundee, scotland if anyones in or around this area would be great to hear from someone close by x

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