Does caring for your loved one ever make yo... - Care Community
Does caring for your loved one ever make you feel lonely or socially isolated?
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I’m not very sociable so I’m quite happy being with Pete and our family who live nearby. I believe though that it depends on what the health issues are with the person being cared for. I feel for those who are feeling lonely and/or isolated.
My wife's had dementia for almost 10 years.She can no longer communicate, lost her mobility and pretty much needs 24 hrs care.I am her full time carer
I have two great sons who come and help me after there work most days however I have lost touch with all my friends.I just devote my life to my wife and get on with it.
Hi Linton1,
We (my step-dad and I )looked after my Mum for many years. Both of us needed time. My sister used to come (1 hour drive) every second week-end to help. I was working full time so it was great to get some time on the week-end. Peter had the hardest part. We hired a neighbour to come and walk Mum 3 days a week and when she couldn't walk anymore, the neighbour looked after Mum in the house. Peter would go swimming on those mornings.
When the Government (Australian) introduced Home Care Packages for Older Australians, we were able to get help during the week for feeding, getting her up in the morning and generally giving Peter time to leave the house. He was able to continue his bowling three days a week. This was important for his physical health as well as his mental health. I lived in the same building so I often spent time in their unit which meant Peter had someone else to talk to.
Is there any way that you could hire someone to give you 4 hours once a week or once a fortnight to go out and meet friends? Sometimes there are charities where someone may volunteer to be in the house for a few hours once a week/ fortnight - Maybe a retired pastor or nun or even an old friend of your wife's.
When we first started to bring someone in to help, Peter was against it and thought it wouldn't work. It was easier than he thought.
My mum moved in with me two and a half years ago. I had never planned for that but she refused to even consider any independant living options available. I had to give up my life for her including my job. In that first year her constant negativity, criticism and general behaviour and depressing demeanour dragged me down to my boots. I had to have counselling to try and deal with it and even though it's not as bad now, I am very unhappy living with her and every day I wonder how much longer it will be before I can have a life again. She was never somebody who wanted to make the most of her life and preferred to be a victim. I didn't sign up for this, it just happened and the feeling of being so trapped is awful. My daughter says that all the time I have been caring for my mum, she has been losing hers!! I could cry with despair most days!!!
What a sad state of affairs. I am so sorry. I hope that it won’t be too long before you get your life back. You deserve it. Time is so precious.
Hello there janettepearson! Yours is the only post that has reflected my own experiences, apart from the fact that it's my dad n it's almost 4 yrs. No life, no friends, no job, no company, no freedom, no money. I will say that there's no way I could put him in a care home at this point, I've worked in care, and taught care work so I know the calibre of many carers out there! I had a break the other week for 4 days. Possibly the worst thing I've done in four years, I resent the situation even more now! I keep finding myself getting tetchy n I know it's not his fault so I start the cycle of guilt/anger/resentment/frustration and so it goes on. But the fact can't be changed, he has dementia, he has no present, now is flimsy at best...but none are his fault. Nor mine. This is one of those challenges/curved balls that life throws at us. We catch, we play. Maybe if your daughter spent time with her mum and gran she would feel more a part of ur life? N you would feel more a part of hers maybe? The only other option is to find a care home?
Hi lell1,
I, too, knew what "care" homes were like which is why we (my Step-dad and I) looked after Mum at home for over 12 years. However we did have a lot of help which kept our heads above water - just. My Stepdad's health eventually failed and he passed a year before Mum. He was 93. After Mum passed it took a couple of years before I began to feel more normal.
I am simply too tired to be lonely or isolated. Don’t have the energy and enough time to think about it. What I do crave is some time to myself just to ‘be’ and not have the responsibility of caring for another person.
Have cared for a number of family members for over 50 years. I've found even in a crowd you can feel lonely. This sounds crazy until you realise that sometimes if you need to talk you can't for various reasons to people like colleagues. Friends can disappear if you have heavy duty caring. Your health can also suffer due to caring physically, medically e.g illnesses and emotionally.
Having supported a number of family carers over 30 years I've seen carers get to the stage they can't get out of the house. I've even known carers feel suicidal and feeling so isolated and no one can help. I've also seen carers have such a wealth of friendship and support that are fine. Me I've been through most of the stages, but have to be honest, no not at all isn't one of them. Perhaps this comes from having been a child when my first experience of caring happened.
Being both a carer and cared for can make isolation even worse.
It is difficult when the carer ...me for my husband ....is aging as well at the same rate.
a lot
Since David's Dementia and no mobility I have no social life at all,and I was a very socially active person.
Its been 5 long years and the isolation has become awful and I suppose I have accepted it as my lot.
Accept it as a big part of your life, bcs it is. But it is possible to find support to get a few hours free each week? Private or social care providers provide company for individuals, leaving you time to go and kick a cat, roller skate around the park, sit and have a coffee in the library, hang from a tree by your toes! Whatever you would like to do for a couple of hours! I had no input from family for 4yrs, but when I asked for help they came thru. Neither brother want to help their dad, and it's not the best cover, but I did need a few days away! N even then I got texts to ask things that he might need etc.!
Using this community can be both a comfort, and increase the sense of isolation. It is somewhere to share with people who really understand the issues, it is also a place that could give you little hope. This all depends on the emotional state of whoever is reading/posting