Caring for a loved one can be stressful and... - Care Community
Caring for a loved one can be stressful and impact all aspects of your life. What are the hardest parts of trying to balance everything?
44 Voters
Just being so tired nearly all the time, very little sleep.
Jingles, you have my sympathy as I know that feeling only too well myself. ((hugs)).
Feeling that whatever you do isn't really enough.
The fight to get help from GPs, social services etc., to get what help is available and necessary.
Agree with the fight to get help so difficult . Most of what's suggested is basic common sense .....I'VE TRIED.....how I've tried . Don't the "professionals" realise that? I know some have had good help from social services but I find them disappointing to say the least. I don't fall out as I know that at some stage I may NEED them and who knows may get someone who understands and knows how to help (sigh)
I have difficulty coming to terms with having had to give up my life for my 91 year old mum since she moved in with me. My children have now left home and i wanted to sell my house and buy a house with my partner and get married but that can no longer happen and I now see my partner every 2 weeks. My health has deteriorated and I often just feel like crying as this will probably be my life for the next few years. I can no longer retire and have the life I so wanted but will never put my mum in a home. 😢
Hi Janette, my heart goes out to you. Sometimes caring for a loved one seems to be the most unappreciated thing we ever have to do. I'm the other side of it now, my mum and a sister with dementia having died several years ago, so I know how it feels when it's all over.
Don't fight yourself over this. It IS hard. Expect it to be, and expect to sometimes feel resentful that the onus is always on you to do the caring.
How did I get through? When really stressed, I tried to think back to when mum, with very little money, (and with a dad who did what dads did in those days and left the caring to her), was at the end of her tether trying to raise four of us.
I also focused on how I'd feel when my sister or my mum died and when I could get a grip on that, I knew I was doing the right thing.
But that's not to say there weren't many days when I didn't think "what about ME"? Now there is plenty of time for me, but plenty of times when I'd give anything to have my mum, or my sister back with me, if only for a day.
It's a double-edged sword, but what I can say is that I truly felt I'd 'done my bit' and done it with love, afterwards. And if it's any consolation, one day I'm pretty sure you'll feel that way too.
Thank you for your kind words. My sister also died from Alzheimer's last December aged 67. I had helped with her for 12 years also, whilst also working full time and being a single parent. Mum moved in with me when my sister died and I do wonder if I will ever get any Me time. But it is what it is. I have wonderful children, a gorgeous grandson and another on the way and a supportive partner who assures me that we will be together properly one day. 😊
I know how you feel and have no answers. After Xmas, I am planning to start a group for people like us. I belong to W.I and there will be others in the same position. I went out with a group from W.I. and sat with someone who had experienced all this as a carer. Talking with her I found very therapeutic.
Feeling constantly tired.
So tired!!!!
I'm 76 caring for my husband with alzheimer's. He's so demanding, but doesn't realise it. He won't accept that we need help, and is sure that we're managing.
Living so far away from dad in the nursing home and having my own health difficulties.
And feeling guilty that I can't do more to help but doing as much as I can.
My husband and I are mid 70s and retired so work isn't an issue any more. He often has poor nights sleep which disturb us both as I am his sole Carer. I wake some morning so weary and exhausted through lack of sleep. The GP won't prescribe sleeping tablets for my husband as he has poor balance and mobility and is prone to falls. I can understand that decision.
I don't work so most didn't apply but as my 88 year old mum is and amputee - i cannot leave her for long as all of her toileting needs have to be helped by me - She has NO dimentia - just physical incapacity - I just soldier on but it is hard for my partner as we have had to leave our home to live with mum - But he is Not a giving person anyway and can't understand why i don't put her in a home
Maybe he will realise when I want to put him in one LOL - you have to see the funny side of some of it or you'd go mental
Just worrying so much but trying to get on with things. X
Starting up a business, caring for the elderly, turning work down because l don't have enough time in the day, and coping with family life, especially a retired other half, who is suffering from bipolar 😒
Simplyhealth
Havig the guilt of getting your partner and carer to carry out most of the chores.
1No poor patient living with 1No poor carer isn't a good mix.
IKeith
"Carer stress too".
Outsiders, even professionals are good with the advice, but no one can understand what its like to be in the firing line and close to the person. We cannot just stand back. It's simply not that easy.
Not being able to care for, play with or look after the grandchildren as much as I would like to.
I believe some of the medical conditions I have at 86 might not have happened if I had not been my husband's sole caregiver from ages 73-76. If our hospice team hadn't urged me to place him a nursing home or the last four months of his life, I might not be alive today.
This Q'nnaire is biased towards people in work. Retired/elderly have their problems too. For example, lacking the strength to move patients about, coping with their own illnesses etc. Statistically, most 'oldies' have something wrong.
I Sayer
Both now retired work is no problem, although I do feel commitment to a Group of which I'm the founder member. Thing is my OH, newly diagnosed with COPD, has also suffered for many years with anxiety and depresssion... as nothing I suggest for any of it warrants trying out because he KNOWS it won't help I'm consequently struggling to remain sympathetic, while trying to deal with my own problems... rant over!
Trying to have a life, but energy is in short supply. My husband has had Parkinson's since 2005. His health is getting worse and he is anxious if I go out. I am anxious about him and only relax if I am out of the house. He forgets to take his medicine and has difficulty getting his medicine out of the blister pack. Food needs to be cut up small. He is incontinent. Mobility
very limited. I do pay for carers three times per day. I can't put him in care. His quality of life at home with me is still good for him. We have experienced respite care and he was so unhappy. I am not complaining just stating how it is!