Joke

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Should I Really Join Facebook?

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."

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13 Replies

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  • Oh that is wonderful - thank you for making me laugh out loud, I needed that on a grey Monday afternoon. I'm glad it's not just me that thinks some of the gadgets are a backward step and don't get me started on Twitter......lol Julie xx

  • I am fine with my laptop with keyboard, but lose it with the mobile. Totally clueless but maybe if I hadn't bought the cheapest from Tesco.

  • Oh i love that, i have 4 cordless phones when they ring i pick the nearest one up then walk into the room to sit down , then i finish up with 4 phones on the sofa oh well.

    take care Dorothy xxx

  • Oh this would definitely be me...lol. I don't have a smart phone, just one that takes calls and text. I was thinking about upgrading - but I think I'll stay away!

  • SNAP

    KOTC

  • My son bought me my mobile even though I told him I wouldn't use it unless there was an emergency ( and even then I would have to find it first), I just don't see the point of being on call 24/7, I can see the point of Facebook (just) to keep in touch with friends/family who live a distance away but Twitter??? I don't care if they have just got up/had a burger/ caught a bus etc. etc. etc.

  • FB is fine for me but I dont talk - just look and save photos.

  • Hello Pergola that was great reading and soso very true and like jools laughed out loud.Thank-you for that to smile and have a giggle just makes my day so very much better ,makes me a far more tolerant person.Happy days. I was just thinking why do washing machines need 42 different programs? :) Janexx

  • Aint that the truth flibberti my mums first fridge lasted 40 years and still didnt die but by that time she was thoroughly fed up with the thing . :) Janexx

  • I have a load of jokes sent to me but have to be selective. Some of them are so unfunny.

  • Well you made a good choice with this one,select some more pergola. :) Janexx

  • Do my best. Nice to lighten up the winter evenings.

  • I am afraid to say, that I hold my hand up to having a smart phone and my kids explaining it all to me....several times. The reason they supplied it is now clear. These "apps". I have an ICE app.It displays an emergency contact number as soon as the phone is activated. A paramedic told me about it. If you collapse in the streets, they look for your phone. On my ICE app, it tells them that I have COPD and Angina. It list the drugs I am taking and my allergies. I have even got a photo of my bus pass on it so they can see that it is me they are treating...not some scum bag that has nicked my phone. I have a Wheel mate App. This tells me the nearest disabled parking and toilets to where I am...very handy. I also have a COPD tracker, where I can enter my drugs, Sats, Pulse etc and what I feel like every day...brilliant too. I use the calendar for my various appointments etc and best of all....when I loose my phone, I can ring it and a voice in the clouds tells me where it is ....if only I could remember my number.

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