Depression?

[The_Aurora]

For a couple years now, I’m feeling lethargic, unfocused, etc. At some point, I was stressed out to the point where I started eating less, sleeping less, craving salt, doing less, and seeing things. When I say seeing things, I mean for example, I see a hand underneath my chair that’s covered with a tan blanket, until I look closer and it’s just a fold.

The nightmares were also especially bad. Most of the dreams I remember are apocalyptic/dystopian and are honestly ok, but at some point I started seeing what I dub “shadow beasts.” I do have a fear of the dark, but in my dreams at times I see these shadow beasts with their white eyes standing out in the night, and I get especially scared. One time after being “killed” by one and waking up, I had to hide in the bathroom until I calmed down. Im not quite sure what’s going on.

It’s hard for me to feel happy either. For familial reasons, I have learnt how to manually control my facial muscles so as to not smile, for fear of trouble. Nowadays, it’s hard for me to be excited and happy to do the things I used to like.

I have taken a few online depression tests over the years, and it says I have moderate to severe depression. Obviously it is no professional diagnosis, but I’m not sure where exactly to begin. I don’t quite want to make a big deal out of it, but I realize I probably do need some help.

Eventually, I decided to come here to ask for some insight. I realize that you guys are not therapists, but some direction would be appreciated.

[Footloose83]

sounds like you might have MDD (major depression disorder). I’ve have the same symptoms years ago. My was also accompanied with generalized anxiety. I would suggest telling all this to your doctor'. They might refer you to a psychiatrist or they might handle it themselves depending on their comfortability . They will suggest different things. If you don’t mind the medication route you can go that way. Doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is very beneficial. Exercising helps tremendously, avoiding alcohol and smoking helps (if you engage in that). You are not alone. I still have my good/bad days but try to use techniques I learned to help cope with it.