Teen depression advice needed

[Binky3]

hi all! in-home family therapy starting soon...how do we encourage our 17 y.o son to participate? he is emotionally sensitive & irrational at times, has ADHD & severe depression, & very resistant to the idea of counseling. depression's been worsening in recent months (lying, stealing, taking the car without permission, emotional outbursts, crying excessively). he'll be getting a psych re-eval this summer as well, to see if there's more going on (ie. bipolar, autism, etc.). not harming himself or suicidal. we're working on our own emotional health but really need his participation as well. thanks for any input!

[kenster1]

Hi and welcome to you have you said he can attend but maybe just listen in for the first session or two maybe that way he might feel more comfortable as they go on and eventually take part vocally.

[The_Butterfly]

”Hey. Son. I give us about a C+ in parenting right now. I know you have your own life and your own choices, and as scared as I am to let you go make all those choices, I’m really going to work on being supportive in the right ways. You’re so [insert positive compliment here, e.g. in tune with how you feel] and I’m so impressed by that. I need your help though, because sometimes I really have trouble being understanding. There’s a counselor we’ve asked to help us understand - to basically help us figure this out. But, I don’t think hearing our perspective alone is all that helpful. The counselor needs to hear your point of view. If you’re willing, I’d love for you to be there. And if you want to talk to them privately, we might be able to arrange that too. I just love you so much, and I think I might be really mucking this up.” Something like that?

[cashew78]

You can't force people into doing what you think is best for them. You can only open the door and let them decide if they want through. I'm not a parent, but I understand that's the hardest part about parenting and it seems absolutely impossible at times. You need to be smart about it, and that is something that can be explored with the therapist. But let me put it to you this way based upon my own life experience; when forced to listen to another instance of being told what you should be doing (possibly implying that what you're doing is wrong, is always wrong, and you're always wrong) after many of the exact same instances... you start to wonder if this is not advice or help but a means of control. My folks' heart were always in the right place, but they could not stand the thought of something going wrong. They expected it and were quite pessimistic about everything. Eventually it just became habit to not give me space to figure it out, to lambaste me with criticism, and never consider the possibility that they could just keep it to themselves at times. **I'm not trying to imply that's what's happening in your situation, but consider how easily it could appear from the other side of the equation.** Sadly my folks couldn't do that. They lacked that imagination and found it more comfortable to treat their children exactly as they were treated. 40 years later. Assuming unconsciously that society, culture, technology and politics hadn't changed at all in that time. Sadly they also were of the school that if you spare the rod you spoil the child. I'm not going to debate the merits or detriments of that philosophy; I will say that a lack of imagination and the perceived stress of their child potentially making minor mistakes drove them to unreasonable lengths... Food for thought. Good luck.