I’m sure I’m not alone, being given treat food as a reward at childhood... with limited means biscuits, sweets, cake and ice cream were not readily available but very much enjoyed when around.
Spin forward to uni years, family size packs of sweets, chocolate and biscuits were there for me in the stress of getting essays and exams sorted.
Further forward, desperate, feeling alone in an emotionally destructive relationship where how I looked was commented on and used to shame me, I found myself gorging on food that was there from happier times at Christmas, eating a block of marzipan from the packet, alone and crying in my car in a Tesco car park.
My weight was still in the healthy range at that time, in my early 20s, since then in the 20 years since I’ve had ongoing medication and two children which have added to the weight. I have now been an unhealthy weight for most of the last 20 years, losing a stone or so then putting all back on plus more...
My husband is exhausted by this being a lifelong issue and finds my inability to stick to a plan frustrating, so when I fail for the nth time, I feel guilt and shame.
I do want to change.
I do want to be healthy.
When my emotional eating desire takes hold, I intellectually know it’s not food I need but my body and reptilian brain take hold and I’ll inhale that packet of sweets and bin the bag before anyone sees.
I’m coming up to my second anniversary of using this site and I am green with envy at those who have come and gone in that time, having managed what I’m struggling to do.
I’m trying to be honest. I know what I need to do, I’ve even had time with a dietician. I’m a bright person, I research what might suit best but I’m still struggling.
Not looking for advice or answers just acknowledging that this will be a lifelong journey.
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RedUnicorn
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Thought provoking article RedUnicorn and thanks for sharing your journey
I know that I have emotionally ate and definately can see how food and treats played a big part in childhood and throughout life..
Thank you for your honesty and I know others will reply to your post too..
I’ve also just started ‘ The Binge Code’ so feeling positive about a new start.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote: “The most amazing people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Amazing people do not just happen.”
That’s how I lost a stone last year! 16:8 if and LCHF but the binge eating involves carbs/ sugar every time. I totally know it’s self sabotage and last year I was convinced I’d beaten it. 😟
Oh wow, that's what I'm doing, and touch wood I'm not craving at all atm, you'll beat it this time hun, go for it! x
RedUnicorn I can relate to your post so much it’s as if you have been in my head! My husband would just shrug his shoulders if I were to mention another diet. He’s seen me succeed and revert to old ways so many times that I don’t even talk about it anymore. Thank goodness for this forum as I can ‘talk’ about it with people who understand.
Keep trying as you know what you need to do and know that there is a great group of people here to support you on every step of your journey. If you don’t try you will never succeed.
Looking forward to seeing how you do over the coming weeks. Good luck x
I know you didn't ask for advice, but I'd try not to think of this as a "lifelong journey". It doesn't need to be unless you want it to be.
I'm going to give you a tough heads-up: you're about the same age as me, plus or minus, and that means you don't have a whole lot of life left. You can either make the next 20 years or so less-than-worthwhile by nursing a problem that you've lived with since forever, and which has perhaps become part of your identity ... or you can choose to be happy hereafter (and make other people happy too - your husband, for example). What went before should have little relevance to the decisions you make today and tomorrow.
Although you say you want to be healthy, and I'm sure you mean it, it may be that there are certain things that you want more. You'll need to be brutally honest with yourself and find out whether that is so. If you truly want to be healthy, it's not particularly hard - but as you correctly said, your reptilian brain is in control here, and unless you learn to push the right evolutionary buttons, it will continue to ruin your life for you.
If you've spoken to a dietician you've almost certainly been fed a load of BS; certainly, if you find that you're struggling with whatever advice was given, then it is by definition wrong (advice that can't be complied with is always wrong). I would suggest ratcheting up your targets a bit:
- It's not a lifelong goal. It's a year at most.
- Aim to look and feel awesome, not just hovering on the borderline of overweight.
- Food is one of life's great pleasures. Your self-sabotage, I suspect, is probably down to not eating enough. So give yourself permission to eat proper, filling meals, and the sugary treats will look much less appealing.
I need to print this out! You’re right. I need to make those right choices now. And leaving it too long to break fast is an issue as I often find I have no time to eat at work and then make the wrong choices.
I really feel for you reading your post, my struggle with binge eating started when I was in my teens, now 56. The self hatred I feel following days of bingeing is hard to cope with, for me and those around me. All I can say is your not on your own, we each each have to find a plan/diet/lifestyle, whatever you want to call it, that works for us. I am 13 days without binging, which is a minor miracle for me, so don’t give up on yourself, you are worth more than that.😊
Thank you so much for your reply Pink4eva I’m glad you had the courage to share. I haven’t ever counted days between binges as I’ve always shied away from actually naming it.
This is a really great post RedUnicorn and thanks for your honesty. Truth be told I haven’t told any friends or family about this forum and how I’m trying to change my eating habits as I feel I’ve tried to do it 100 times before.
3 things are currently helping me though so thought I would pass them on: firstly I’m exercising everyday - nothing major I’m no gym bunny but I’ve been doing it for 6 weeks now and it’s really helping my stress levels - for me lower stress = less chance of a binge. Secondly I’ve decided to have a little faith in my body. I’m currently eating more calories than I’ve ever previously done while trying to lose weight (basically picked the middle number that the NHS calorie calculator gave me) so although I get peckish occasionally I’ve not reached the pitch of hunger where I would eat and then not been able to stop (and I’m losing weight). And thirdly I’m quite convinced that the sugars etc put into low fat and processed food exacerbate the cravings for sugar etc so I’ve gone back to basics - home cooked food as little processed as possible. Planning is vital.
For me cutting the binge-starve cycle and getting a healthy relationship with food is more important to me right now than getting to a certain weight.
You are in good company RedUnicorn and you are far from alone. The fact that you are still trying after 2 years is testament to your spirit. Pick yourself up and take onboard the great suggestions already made by others on this thread. If you binge again in a week so be it - pick yourself up and aim to go 10 days next time - find some coping mechanisms that work for you which don’t avoid food. I send you a huge virtual hug 🤗
Hi there. I read your post now and was surprised, as I have not recalled you struggling (from the Sunday Slimmers).
I am very much interested in the psychology of eating disorders. In the title of your post is ‘when to ask for more help ‘. I think, now. If you are sweeping your problems under the carpet, it’s time to rip it off...
I suggest that you go for counseling. For as long as you need to.
I would like you to be happy. To my opinion (and experience), eating good food shouldn’t be very difficult and you seem to know all that in theory. If you struggle, circling around on the surface may be less helpful. If it was me, I would dig deeper and try to remedy what causes the stress eating.
Please don’t interpret my reply that I am trying to talk you into having problems. 😉 I just know that many people need psychological support, of course, I cannot be sure you are among them. I wish you all the best and overcome your frustration. 🙋🏻♀️
I have already shared this once today, but what you are describing totally sounds like an addiction. Swap alcohol for food, and no one would argue if you were not addicted.
I relate to this so much. Some people think emotional eaters just eat when they are sad but for me (and it sounds like you) it covers an entire range of emotions. Stress. Boredom. Frustration.
Good morning @RedUnicorn, your post resonated with me in many ways. My parents, especially my mother, were rather distant (my father had been in WW2 which explained, but not excused, the way he was) and they would rather give me sweets than affection. Hence I have always struggled with comfort eating and indeed was almost 16 stone at the age of 19, and by the time I was 48 I was over 24 1/2 stone.
I won't bore you with the details, but after years of yo-yo dieting, a series of major life changes gave me the boot up the bum I needed to get back on it, sort out my head as well as my body, and 15 months down the line I'm literally 2/3 the man I used to be... I still have the occasional blip but as long as the trend is generally downwards, I tell myself there is no harm in the odd treat.
Dear RedUnicorn, it’s so impressive that you have recognised all this in yourself. I personally find it really helpful to recognise what is happening and why before I can move on to fix things.
I too have emotional history with food & overeating. I had very special times at my grandparents (and a terrible time at home) who did big teas (the afternoon kind) for us, so making tea in a tea pot with a pretty tea cosy, fire lit in winter & classical music playing and a big plate of crumpets all for me was a big temptation. Also ‘going out to tea’ was my thing - I treated my son like that A LOT and in lockdown I’ve had to quickly re-educate him on the socially acceptable sugar hit mid afternoon as he was chunking up. I have particular emotional connection with double cream (yes really) because we only had it at granny’s. I’ve had very special holidays with friends where pre dinner drinks with lots of crisps were a big thing, and often recreated that at home. A lot of times in my life have been dark & I’ve rushed to create happy times, which included my food rituals. As a student I had bulimia - I told myself that I needed the emotional comfort of eating as well as the emotional comfort of being thin. Warning bells - I needed help!
Fast forward. I am 47. I’ve had a lot of counselling. Am I mended? A bit. Not wholly. Is my eating mended? Mostly. I am now slim. I have given up most carbs (the bread kind, not the ones in cauliflower etc). My experience and that of others I understand, is that cutting carbs reduces cravings. There is emotion there, but also the body’s physiological signals. The hunger hormone Grehlin also has a strong role in comfort and comforting memories. Our bodies listen to Grehlin too much when we eat too many carbs, because of the excess production of insulin. Eat fewer carbs, Grehlin gets back in its box. I still have to watch the double cream & G&T carefully. I had a bit of a tussle with myself for a day or two about whether I could cut back on cream. But I did.
Hope these thoughts are helpful as you think all this through.
Thanks Hidden it really helps to hear from others who have this experience. I know it isn’t just greed or sadness and simple re-education isn’t enough on its own.
I’m going to try and be mindful and notice the urges and check out what the mood is and what it is my body really needs.
Easier said than done but I’m going to try and actually being honest in here about why I’ve failed to keep any weight off the last 2 years ( plus previous 20) is a major step forwards.
All the best, I look forward to reading how you get on. I’ve heard of people referring themselves to hypnotherapy for emotional eating - is that something that can be successful at all? I was considering it myself as I spent lockdown between the fridge and the chocolate draw...
|Hi RedUnicorn thanks for sharing how you feel which is how many of us have felt, still feel and have lived. It is definitely a mind set and I think that's the hardest thing. But as you know that is why we are here for the help, support and encouragement to get us into the right mind to lose that weight and eat for the better. Don't think about yesterday and the problems it had but look towards tomorrow and the positives it will bring. Give yourself small goals, look at what you can eat instead of the packet of sugar. But most importantly and I say this for myself as well, keep coming here for the support as I think this is the best place to be with people who know how it feels and are on the same journey. Have a great week
Thanks jennilou 😊 you’re right about keeping coming here.
Gosh this could be me! So inspiring RedUnicorn. I think there are many of us who feel like you and sympathise and empathise. We are all in this together. The support of this site is wonderful. Keep going, we will cheer each other onxx
Thanks for reading Hidden - I’m onto second chapter of’The Binge Code’ which means I already have new strategies to help me ride the urges. 7 days without a binge. Feeling positive.
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