No idea where to start!: I am 41 and fat... - Weight Loss Support

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No idea where to start!

Babymeula profile image

I am 41 and fat. All my weight is centred around my middle and I feel so ill most of the time. I have no energy, my heart beats hard and fast (but regular), I am out of breath doing the smallest thing, and my hips hurt all the time.

My regular weight was around 11 stone 4, for years, then in the past 4 years I have expanded to 15 stone 6, so a little over 4 stone. Just recently this has become an issue, perhaps I didn’t notice before, perhaps just now it has triggered all the symptoms, perhaps I have just ‘tipped’ the scales so to speak over into health problems. I am pre diabetic apparently also now.

I have been blaming my weight increase on medication I take for depression, it is a known medication that causes weight gain, but perhaps knowing this has allowed me to excuse myself for gaining weight- not all caused by the drugs.

I understand that my mental health complications might mean that I have posted this is the wrong place. I have a troubled 30 year history of severe depression with which I still struggle daily, and I have to balance my drug therapy against my weight gain, which conversely then adds to the feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.

I used to pride myself on my intense drive and physical capabilities, I am in no way an athlete, but I would always get stuck in and do everything, I had boundless energy and never stopped.

I slipped at work, and fell down a set of stairs (my own business so I couldn’t sue myself!) 2 years ago and this is the cause of my constant hip pain and stiffness, making me a lot less active.

I am at the doctors about once a month, I see someone different every time. I get the feeling I am not something that falls into the usual GP remit and therefore my different issues cannot be addressed. Heart and hormones have been tested though and are ok apparently but have been given HRT to try.

Now attempting to take my weight and physical health matters into my own hands. Thinking of joining a gym, but worried about wasting money and not using it - perhaps swimming.

Need to eat better and sort out my diet, but usually just can’t be bothered and eat quick when hungry.

I work in a fairly high achieving role, but my current body condition does limit me physically, I try not to do anything too physical as it will make me a hot, sweaty, gasping mess.


21 Replies

This is the place to start, lots of great support and info. Someone will be along soon to give you loads of information and guide you around the site. I wish you all the best.

Babymeula profile image
Babymeula in reply to SoSueMe

Thank you :)

BridgeGirl profile image

Hello and welcome to the weight loss forum.

We can't help with everything but you will find so much support and information here to help you with weight loss.

I usually great people by name, but I wasn't happy to do so with yours and my first tip would be to find a kinder and more positive name for yourself. I'm sure that will start you off on a better footing.

You mention being pre-diabetic. When this is the case, it's not just a question of losing weight but of making major changes to what you eat, not just how much. I'm going to give you some links and I hope you'll take your time to read them and find out more, so you can make the changes you want and need.

Apologies for the title of this one which doesn't apply to you, but the information does

You will get further information here

To help you find your way around, we’ve put all the information you’ll need in a Newbie Welcome pack and here's the link

Please take time to read it so you'll know what the forum has to offer.

We also ask that you read this information about internet privacy and security

I see you have not locked your post. This means that it, and any replies, can be shared around the Internet by Twitter, Facebook etc (see the logos below your post); for this reason, some members are unwilling to reply to unlocked posts.

Wishing you all the best and hoping to see you around.

By the way, it would be interesting to know how you found your way to this forum :)

Babymeula profile image
Babymeula in reply to BridgeGirl

Thanks - yes have read all the links today. My partner is type 1 diabetic so I know quite a bit about it and the risks and also the insulin resistance factor. Understand that type 2 differs and that it can a whole new ball game trying to figure out how to manage it.

Just trying to get everything to align, diet, medication and depression, so that my insulin can get to doing what it should be doing!

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to Babymeula


pauluk60 profile image
pauluk601st 7lbs

hi phat you've already started by asking ???s know comes the crunch how determined r ui used my ramadan FASTING BASICALLY NOWT ALLDAY SOMETHING SMALL AT NIGHT YOU NEED TO KNOW whether you can do it for hope full a week but if not try a couple of days it will make you feel better right away start to shed quite a bit but always be wary of needs ding my name and my post will come up been on it for month but cracked a bit trouble with this phat as you say your job is intense got to get food out of head makes it easier it is surprising how quick it will happen if you stick with it please don't get carried SHUT FRIDGE DOOR OPEN FRONT DOOR GO FOR IT

H61g profile image

Hello there and welcome. We’re all on different journeys here to have healthier lifestyles, lose some weight and get more active.

This is a great forum to get lots of advice and to try things until you find something that works for you. Try some small changes first and you’ll be amazed the difference it can make. Just try cutting back slowly and If you haven’t exercised for a while, perhaps try walking.

And do engage with this site. We all have ups and downs and the encouragement from people here is amazing....good Luck with your journey🙂

IvanTheHorrible profile image

Not much else I can add to BridgeGirl's post except to reiterate that recovering from your present predicament (ie., being overweight and pre-diabetic) is all about modifying what you eat rather than how much. The links she provided will put you on the right path: it will be a radical change, but rest assured that it is neither difficult nor unpleasant to fix this. Follow the guidance on those websites (they basically say the same thing) and this time next year you'll probably be looking and feeling a lot better.

If you want to just cut to the chase without wading through a lot of theory and discussion, is also worth looking at. Same principles, just a lot easier to read (and there are meal plans). They have some sort of subscription service on that site but I'm not advocating that - all the useful stuff is free.

By the way, don't bother joining a gym at this point if you have joint pain. It'll have little to no effect on your weightloss progress and you could even end up injuring yourself. It'll be useful once you've shed a few pounds, but now probably isn't the time.

Yes I definitely need to make some changes. I have some very definite weaknesses and preferences when it comes to treats and snack especially that I need to adjust.

On the gym thing maybe I should just go for swimming instead, I think I could tolerate swimming better than any sort of running or cardio classes.

Hey Phat,

Okay best start is to increase your water intake, and your fibre intake like Rivita crackers, vegitables steamed, start to eat fish, and turkey, chicken, if you can hit the sauna thats another detox, start at the gym, start steady, slow to quicker and build to 400 - 600 calories burn, if you can run try flat run for up to 10 mins increase to 15 then to 1/2 hour, if you cannot run then tilt elevator to 9.5 percent and walk uphill on tread mill, at 6.7 rate for 30 mins try to increase intensity but dont over do it, if you come to the end of your walk or run and you see you are not far from your goal but are not going to make it on rate your at, quickly increase the pace and complete the goal and congratulate yourself, rowing is good not keen on the sit cycling as is not intense enough each are different, it is said if you diet and cut out sugary drinks, sugar in general, increase in vegitables, soups, cottage cheese, eat small and often, drink about 8 cups of water a day, you should loose based on burning 600 caleries a day about 2 pounds a month this is average, the harder you work the better the results, you are allowed a glass of red wine say twice a week if you drink, but fresh concentrated juice is better, black coffee ground and strong before the gym, whole milk not semi, chitosancapsuls is good to reduce fat and cholestral, but is not fast also eat fruit plenty of fruit 5 sorts a day. Best of luck find a friend if you hit the gym, but try not to talk to each other just motivation to each other. Best Wishes Darren UK. I am 50 soon feel 35 and can give most 35 year olds a run for their money...

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to GymdazUK

Hello GymdazUK . Are you interested in losing weight and joining this forum or are you just browsing? You're very welcome, either way.

I don't think your gym-based advice is the most useful in this situation. Exercise has many benefits but has minimal value in weight loss and, for someone who needs to lose a fair bit of weight and is breathless on exertion, a much gentler activity would seem more appropriate. For anyone who does join a gym, I would always suggest they have a good, personalised induction, so they can be given a programme that matches their current fitness and any health concerns with their goals. There really isn't a "one size fits all", though it's clear your programme works very well for you.

I also think some of your dietary advice is confusing but, again, I assume it is working for you and I wish you well on your own journey.

BridgeGirl profile image

I forgot to give you this link - it's going to be much more use to you than a gym :)

IvanTheHorrible profile image
IvanTheHorribleMaintainer in reply to BridgeGirl

That's a great video. Very clear summary of the research on the subject - the takeaway point being that, even if you can't exercise as such, just not sitting down makes a big difference.

One thing not mentioned in the video: there's a fair amount of evidence that supports a simple method of alleviating the health effects of a sedentary job: get up and walk around for five minutes, every 20 minutes. This, it turns out, is better than sitting in a chair all day and then going for a one-hour walk. As a bonus, it tends to aid concentration.

If anyone's interested, I posted a rant on the subject of the therapeutic value of exercise (albeit with a rather different slant) in the Healthy Eating group:

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to IvanTheHorrible

Thank you for the reminder. I'm of the "sitting down all day then going for a 1 hour walk" variety, to my shame.

IvanTheHorrible profile image
IvanTheHorribleMaintainer in reply to BridgeGirl

It just occurred to me that perhaps this is how the "drink loads of water" idea gained so much traction. It forces you to get up every 20 minutes to walk to the toilet!

Yes that’s what my mum always said, and also that if you are drinking all that you don’t have time to eat!

Babymeula profile image
Babymeula in reply to BridgeGirl

I really want to move around all day and in my job I can if I want to, just that I hate being all out of puff and sweaty. Still maybe if it is for only a few months and gradually I will feel better and be less sweaty then it could be worth it!

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to Babymeula

If your job allows it, then just having short 10 min walks a few times a day will get you moving without getting out of puff and sweaty. If you plan to do a bit more this week than last week, then a bit more the following week, you'll build it up without it being a big strain.

But remember, you do need to tackle the eating side of things: that's going to be the way you'll lose weight. Please take time reading those first two links I've given you above :)

Babymeula profile image
Babymeula in reply to BridgeGirl

Great video, just watched this and gone out for a brisk 30min walk! Now having to lie down with my hip pain but I found another of his videos that covers this topic so all good!

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to Babymeula

Good for you! I should have followed your example and my advice :D :D

Take it steady: you know how much you can push yourself and as you lose weight it will get easier :)

Cgbonn profile image

Hi dear Phat (I feel you should change your name to sth more positive),

I know all about depression and weight, been having treatment for 20 years, and could probably have done with treatment over forty years ago as a teenager...

I started really setting my mind to it just before I reached 100kg last December with a BMI of 35.2.

I eat what I like including sweet things if I crave them, but I have learned to discipline myself in two ways:

No calories after an early evening dinner, so no alcohol or nibbles. Occasional exception in the presence of friends happen, and that's ok.

The other was a tip from a Chinese doctor: stop when 80% full. Sounds weird, but it works. I don't get hunger pangs. I eat 3 times a day with nothing in-between (mostly)

And I accept my weaknesses and simply carry on with my plan after I have succumbed.

I lost 16 kg in about 10 months this way. Just recently I began to feel more mobile again, for example when getting up from a kneeling or crouching position.

It's a long process, but once you have started and lasted a week or two, you will be motivated by your achievements.

Good luck to you. My stepmother lost weight in her pre-diabetic stage and has kept diabetes at bay so far.

You'll get there too

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