Jots1234 in reply to Agora1

Thankyou for replying and for the good wishes, it's nice to know I'm not alone as I feel very alone as no one around me knows what's happening and I'm very good at having excuses for anyone around me to keep them happy x

Jots1234 in reply to crazycrossstitcher

Thanks for replying crazycrossstitcher. I used to enjoy cross stitching, I should take it up again, sorry sidetrack there. I found it incredibly hard to go to the gp in the first place and really panicked before and during the appointment. I felt dismissed and that I was making it worse than it was because she just wanted to weigh me and I was a healthy weight. Surely seeing a different dr will be the same as they will just look at my notes, it also feels wrong like I'm going behind the first one's back. I'm not a pushy person and don't think I can even face going back at the moment to see anyone. I have rung the helpline and they have said the same as you about going back. She didn't think the befriending service is right at the moment as I'm struggling to decide on steps to recovery. Talking to them has been helpful though and they signposted me to here x

crazycrossstitcher in reply to Jots1234

don't worry about going behind GPs back - I saw 3 GPs - and it was only the 3rd that referred me for treatment as she understood about EDs and took me seriously - its not being pushy - its just trying to access the help and support you need - I just pray you have the courage to return and get the help you need.

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Jots1234 in reply to jfk71

Thanks for replying jfk, yes like you I've gone from a bmi of 29.6 to one of 20.3 in about 18 weeks but when I went to the gp about a month ago my bmi was 22 so seemingly very healthy. Have you since received help? What did you do, see someone else? I feel really stuck at the moment. It took me a month to book the appointment as I could see old patterns returning and having looked on the nhs site I was signposted to beat site and they promote early intervention. I waited 3 weeks for appointment and struggled terribly on the day with anxiety and panic. To be dismissed like that I found really hard so I'm reluctant to go back. I kind of feel forced to lose more to be worthy of support which is stupid but I'm caught in the vicious circle and unable to escape it myself. I hope you've had a more positive response since and can advise, thanks for the hugs xx

jfk71 in reply to Jots1234

I felt so ashamed and a terrible fraud when i was told i wasn't skinny enough to be referred to ed specialist. Compounded all the feelings and thoughts i held and yes made me feel like i needed to lose more weight just so i would be given help and support abd my ed be taken seriously. I got lots of suppirt from people here mostly. My bmi still isnt low enough for me to get support so i just struggle on. But dont let my experience deter you from going to seek further support. It could be different . Use this community for support and Beat. Don't give up. Xx

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Jots1234 in reply to jfk71

We're in the same boat at the moment then. I've taken up running which I love but my weight has stayed the same for two weeks as I think I've gained muscle. I'm really torn, half the people that know me tell me I'm losing too much and not to lose more but the other half are complimenting me on the achievement and saying I look great, little do they know I'm a fraud and have achieved it from avoiding food as a response to stress and recent triggers. How long have you been struggling? Is there an option for you to see a different doctor? It's so hard isn't it when you know something isn't right and abc and beat promote early intervention but then those you need to get help from don't agree. Sending hugs to you too xx

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jfk71 in reply to Jots1234

Hi sorry just seen ylur reply.i totally get what you are saying re peoples views..some say you dont need to lose anymore weight and expressing concern, but others complimenting how good you look. You feed of those compliments and it spurs you on, but yes there is the feeling of " i'm a fraud" . We know we haven't gained those compliments by losing weight " the right way " but it feels good all the same momentarily doesnt it..being complimented. Then you look in the mirror and see you as you believe you really look. I have changed surgeries so many times because i hate the way i am treated so no i give up. However to be honest my gp this time did try to refer me...the interventions team were the ones who told me i wasn't " skinny " enough. They kept telling me i just have to eat healthy despite my sobbing my heart out saying that it wasn't abiut healthy. Anything with the dreaded calories, fats, carbohydrates and sugars was terrifying to me...blank look is what was returned. Plonkers( i would say f*@#@#s) but think post would be deleted. Am eating sporadically and better but still very, very disordered and control, body image orientated. Look pm me anytime. More hugs xx

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