Gender disappointment

[Valentina98]

Hey Everyone

I'm thinking of finding out the gender, I've always been "I'm going to wait until the baby is born" kinda person but I have recently realised I really want a baby girl. And I'm scared I'll be really upset if once the baby is born and it's a boy. So I'm thinking if I find out now I've got longer to get used of the idea.

Does anyone have anyone have any experience with gender disappointment? And got any advice

V x

[Seb9]

My only advice would be that your child is going to be more that just its gender. I bet you don't look at any of your friends or family and wish they were a different gender, because it actuality isn't marker on who we love or like in our lives. I think so much is made about gender reveals and the sex of your child, but to me it was the least important thing about them. I didn't find out the sex of either of my children, and they're the most brilliant kids, I would not wish for anything other than what I have, except maybe that they didn't fight so much 🤣

To me questions about my children that I found more exciting to find out instead were things like:

Will they be kind? Will they be funny? adventurous? Will they love reading? Will they be inquisitive? How will their laugh sound when you tickle them?

Whether you have a boy or a girl, they will always be so much more to you than their gender, you'll know every little characteristic about them, from what they look like before they sneeze, how they twiddle their hair when they're tired and when they just need a cuddle with their mum to put their world right.

You might be disappointed if you have a boy after wanting a girl, but I bet you'll soon find out that your son is spectacular and interesting and you'll be thrilled you get to share your life with him. Xx

[CornflowerMoon]

There's no way I can put it better than what Seb9 said.

I found out the gender of my baby at 20 weeks. I'd always thought that I'd want to wait until they were born but after we struggled to conceive, finding out the gender helped make things more real. I wanted a girl too and a scan confirmed that was what we were having. As we left the scanning place, I was surprised I actually felt a bit disappointed not to be having a boy. I realised then that it truly doesn't matter, you will love your baby no matter what and they will be so much more than their gender. My daughter is 2 weeks old now and she is the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'd feel the same if she was a boy.

[Eloquentia]

I thought I really wanted to have a baby boy, even had dreams about it and convinced myself this must be what we were expecting. We decided to find out the gender at the 12 week scan and sure enough, it turned out it was a baby girl! I cried with joy on the way home from the scan but also because I thought it was funny how my little one proved me wrong. Finding out who we were expecting early on did give me time to adjust to the idea and prepare myself mentally. Gender disappointment is very normal and disappears completely as soon as you hold your miracle baby in your arms. I am really happy and very far from disappointed now Very best of luck!

[Valentina98]

So my amazing boyfriend has booked a private gender scan for next week as he knows how much this is worrying me, after the scan we'll deal with together

[Juke77]

I always wanted a boy, even spoke to him by his name, Michael. Then a few weeks before he was born I suddenly thought oh what if it's a girl and I would have been disappointed, but just in case I knitted 1 pink cardigan. Had my boy, he had 10 fingers and 10 toes and one nose so I was happy. Only drawback was I'd imagined a 3 year old child and I had this baby so I kept calling him Petal as he wasn't the child I'd been taking to, until my husband said he's going to grow up thinking that Petal is his name. Just be glad your baby is whole and healthy and I'd definitely find out it's sex. Whatever it is you can't change it and it will give you time to adjust if it's a boy. They didn't have that option in my day.

[Running79]

I found out the gender of our child at the earliest opportunity, for the simple reason of buying appropriate clothing - no point buying loads of pinks and dresses if I was having a boy. I did think I wanted a boy as it would have been nice for my husband, as he already had a son. However we found out it was a little girl. All I cared about when she arrived was, did she have all her fingers and toes and was everything in the right place, along with are they healthy. For me in the end the gender really doesn’t matter, as it is at 2 she lives cares/motorbikes and climbing anyway

[Jess1981]

First of congratulations on your pregnancy.

My husband had gender disappointment when we were having our second baby- I saw his face look disappointed and I was very upset by it. Then afterwards he told me he had to "grieve" for a son he would never have and that I didn't understand it ( I have a grown up son from previous relationship) I was angry and hurt for the baby I was carrying. I was grateful we could have another baby with such ease ( our eldest daughter had been a 7 year struggle to conceive) we barely spoke. Then a week or so later we had a 20 week scan and our baby had died. Then it was real valid grief . Initially I quietly blamed him for the ingratitude for having another baby and that was much to be grateful for. But I never voiced it as I saw him suffer like no one- the grief and guilt I didn't need to add to it. It was an awful thing to live with. I know he has regrets. Happily after another 2 earlier miscarriages we went onto have our youngest daughter who is now 2. Nether-less he showed no preference for gender he was very unlucky that happened and most people could and would get away with that. I'm not into frightenening people but know what my husband went through and would hate to see someone else having to live with such guilt as well as grief ( fortunately those losses aren't so common but they do happen or charities like SANDS : wouldn't exist )

I agree with Seb there is more to your child than gender the personality both my girls are very different and I love that. Too much focus these days is placed upon gender. It's the smallest part of your child.

When he or she is born you will know a love like no other exciting happy times ahead Xx

[Twiglet2]

we did wait until birth but I was convinced we were having a girl and couldn’t see myself with a boy, I wanted to go buy all the little dresses, do her hair, teach her everything I knew about the world etc. we hadn’t even settled on a boys name by the time I gave birth! It was of course a boy and the moment I laid eyes on him I knew it was exactly what I wanted/needed/dreamed of aand he was perfection (even though he came out peeing and screaming🤣) ☺️ I love being a boy mummy now so much I’ve never loved someone so much in all my life and can’t wait to see him grow up to be an amazing man too. There is no bond like a mama and her boy xx

[FreddiePats]

hi Valentina, I felt the same way, really wanted a girl (and we had to go through ivf to conceive so it took us a few years to get pregnant) and felt really sad when I found out we were having a boy. But then within about an hour I felt so sad for my little boy if he ever knew he was not wanted… because he was so very wanted, and so very precious. After that I felt so happy to be having my little boy and he is now so super cheeky and fun, I can’t imagine life without him and certainly wouldn’t change him for the world. I’m sure your maternal love for your baby will take over when they’re here, you will love them no matter what x

[RHoy]

I found it useful to think about why I wanted a particular gender, as it helped me reframe my expectations, I always thought I’d have girls and was excited to teach them how to be strong and confident - ready to take on the world. But then I found out I was having a little boy and realised he needs just as much strength, confidence and protection. And I can still bring him up to be a feminist!

I agree with what everyone says about the fact that as soon as they’re in your arms it won’t matter what gender they are - in fact, as soon as I saw his little face in that second scan when we found out, I knew it didn’t matter at all.