Baby sleeping - advice please

[Littlepeax]

Hi everyone, just looking for a little bit of advice if possible.

My boy is now 8 months old and it's a real struggle getting him off to sleep. Nap time and evening. He wants to be held and rocked - my husband has been doing this from the start as we've always had trouble getting him to sleep but it's got worse. Even when we hold and rock him he still has a meltdown and really stresses himself out before sleep. It's hard for my me to rock him as I have a bad neck/shoulder. So it's usually down to my hubby in the evening. In the day it's so hard as just me and its hard for me to rock him for so long lol. Once he's asleep he sleeps right through until the morning in his own room. Any tips on how to get him off a bit more calmly? I hate seeing him cry and scream before bed. I know he doesn't want to sleep so pushes himself so much to keep awake .. FOMO lol xxx ♥️

Also if this isn't the kind of thing to post on this group please let me know x

[Purpledoggy]

You may be doing this already but do you have a solid nighttime routine? Eg bath, milk, story, bed etc? Obviously avoid cartoons or really stimulating play beforehand. I found thebabysleepsite helpful for sleep training tips and there’s a bit somewhere where she talks about temperament and types of sleep training that work with different personalities. Xx

[Seb9]

For day time naps, can you rock him in his pram? My little one always has her day naps like this, I went back to work when she was 8 months and so this was the best way my mum found when she was looking after her. We also put on white noise (the sound of coffee shops) in the kitchen and left her in there. She always used to nap when I went out for coffee so we'd recreate the scene!Bedtime routine, I've not even sussed that out with our 20 month old 🤣 she has a huge fear of missing out and is an absolute party animal. We let her fall asleep on us downstairs and carry her up when she's asleep. She then (most of the time sleeps through). I tried making our eldest have a proper bedtime routine and it just ended up with her so upset she would vomit, so I didn't bother second time around.

The eldest is nearly 4 now and she is in bed by 7.30, has a story to fall asleep to and then sleeps all night, so I'm not not going to stress again with the youngest about forcing her to bed and trust that in time it'll sort itself out 🤞

[Gracem90]

We had something similar with our eldest only going to sleep at night with his dummy and then us having to get up in the middle of the night to give it back to him when he’d thrown it out of his cot.

I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but a friend had given me Richard Ferbers book (Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems) and we decided to give it a go. Essentially you leave them to cry it out but keep going to see them at increasing intervals to reassure them. Not going to lie, it was so difficult at the time hearing him crying but after about 3 days he accepted it and started going to sleep by himself and did the same in the middle of the night as well. He’s now really good at going to sleep by himself, after he’s had bath, stories etc we turn the light off, say goodnight and leave him to it. As they say, the pain was worth the gain!

I’d recommend Ferbers book anyway as it was an interesting read, even if you don’t agree with his methods!

[Twiglet2]

I know it might not be for you but I would stop the cycle as soon as you can of rocking to sleep as they only get heavier and wrigglier 😂

We stopped anyone at all rocking ours or pacing with them too, especially my sister in law who seemed to have it as an automatic reaction to pick our little guy up and rock him if he cried at all for anything but having watched her and her husband having to drive around at midnight or swinging baby carriers at bedtime to get their 2 to sleep I knew my back (and patience) could t handle that!

We put our wee one down sleepy but not sleeping lights off and put on white noise and star projectors and at that age we stayed beside him tapping his tummy and ssshhh noises if he cried but NOT picking him up (if we knew all needs were met like food, nappy etc) and not making eye contact. Yes they cry but it’s just because they have so much going on in their wee heads at that age they fight sleep but they will do that whether you hold them or not so our thought was best to help them learn how to go to sleep without needing rocked or milk etc the sooner the better.

He went in his own room about 8 months as well that helped and to be honest about that age or slightly older we actually started to become a hindrance to him getting to sleep by being in the room so we would read a story, say night night and sit outside with the camera and go in to settle him (no talking) of crying escalating after 5-10mins only. We also let him have a wee toy or book to fidget with and the elephant version of this wee toy has helped him got to and get back to sleep for nearly 2 years now.

There will be tears and tantrums at first and some difficult bedtimes for you for a week or so where you will want to scoop them up and start the rocking again but for us personally it only made things worse and this worked and our little one is thriving and sleeping well for best part of 2 years now in our house, my parents and the caravan even on aeroplanes and he’s not been rocked to sleep or slept in our bed once since (unless the sister in law has sneaked in and did it 🤣) hope some of that helps 🤗

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[Gardener11]

my baby is only 6 months so I can’t advise but I’m wondering if it sounds a bit like it could be separation anxiety if it has all of a sudden got worse? I think it can happen around 8 months. No idea how long it lasts for if it is. I hope he settles soon, good luck.

[Hidden]

Hey there, we had similar issues, my wee one is also 8 months. We introduced a comforter & that seemed to help. Depends if you want tied to anything. We also did the interval form of sleep training & that made a big difference.x

[Emdog87]

My 1st wasn’t a good sleeper, she would only sleep with movement and on me. I found it exhausting! I know not everyone likes this but we tried the cry it out. Although we never left her to cry it out. We did this first to crack bedtimes and then I worked on naps (as they’re harder). But start bedtime a little bit earlier to prevent over tiredness, have a solid routine that signals bedtime (we used to read the same book with her night time feed). Then put her in the cot drowsy and then just listen to her on the monitor and time her. If she sounded really sad go in and try calm her without picking her up. If that didn’t work then quick cuddle and straight back in cot and just kept this going until she fell asleep. Took this approach with my 2nd from day 1 and she’s been a great sleeper.

It is hard when they’re used to a certain way especially if it involves you. I think it’s called a sleep crutch rather than a sleep aid!

Good luck. X

[Lydialego123]

I rocked my first till just over a year when I couldn’t take the nighttime waking any more and we decided to sleep train him. My second, I swore I’d never do that again, and she just goes to sleep on her own if I put her down, she just learnt herself and likes to suck her fingers - she’s that unicorn baby I read about many times when looking for answers with how to help my son sleep! I never let her cry or anything, just perhaps didn’t get to her as quick as I’d like (with having 2) and was more confident to let her self settle if she stirred in the night, rather than pick her up straight away.

Why I tell you all of this, is that going to sleep on their own is one of the many skills you’ll need to teach your baby. And they are all different on how they are able to learn - some easy, some hard. It’s also your choice how you teach them that skill and when. if I could go back with my son I would have sleep trained him earlier, but I thought I couldn’t bear hearing him cry, but actually it wasn’t that bad and he quickly learned, I still cuddled him to sleep at nap time until he recently stopped napping though but that didn’t affect him going down at bedtime.

One last thing to add - could he be over or under tired? Have a look at wake windows for his age on Google and that should give you an idea how long ish he should be awake between naps/bedtime as a guide.

I hope you find something that works for you guys xx

[Littlepeax]

Thank you so much everyone 💗 great help as aways. Love this site ❤️

[Noma]

It’shard to let them struggle or cry, I know. I’ve had 3. And I can tell you that it is always a good idea to let your kids learn to self-soothe. That just means, as long as they are safe, feed, dry, the crying is a way to keep you holding them instead of then having to figure out how to find their own solace. It isn’t cruel to let them cry it out. Believe me, it’s harder on us to hear it. But if you are assured that they’re ok, they need to learn how to cry and then how to find their peace. You’re teaching your baby how to fall asleep on their own, without looking for some outside source. When they can learn this, it will make things easier for any number of other issues, like separation anxiety, even sleeping issues when they’re older. It gives them the power to fall asleep without the need for some outside factor. Like I said, it’s almost harder on us because we hate to hear it. But in time, they learn to soothe themselves and that is a really important thing for kids to be able to do. I hope this gives you a little insight and to know it’s ok if they cry. It’s how they learn to cope, and it won’t always be that way. Physical maturity will also make it easier, as they grow up. Good luck! You can do this!