Yes, those are all sad, difficult challenges which I miss also. We should have met healthy, what fun we would have had. But I am just so grateful to have you in my life now!
What is MS like for me? MS requires a Mind Shift, Mood Stabilization, Many Solutions, take your pick. I am forced to look for the good. Or the bad and ugly will drown me.
Humans have a negativity bias (according to Rick Hanson, for survival we have needed to be extra sensitive to danger) I have a very strong negativity bias for whatever reason. It is hard work for me to stay strong, positive, even optimistic but it is vital. MS makes me focus on gratitude and health. I don't take anything for granted anymore.
Great question, Jes. I have so very much for which to be grateful. While I, like others, have lost much, I have gained this family. I believe my own family struggles to “get” it. Only a couple people do. Until you walk in my shoes...etc. or shuffle as the case may be! The list is endless of things lost, but why focus on it? It is what it is! I can see and hear. I get down sometimes, but so do folks without MS.
What it has been like for me for 25 years has been both good and bad: the invisability of my disease. The good: up until 2018, I didn't even use a cane. So no one knew I had any physical issues. Not even my neighbors who I was expecting would call the cops on a drunk woman staggering down the street in July 2017 when I'd walked about 10 miles round trip in 100 degree heat, LOL!
Then the bad part is when I really DO need help, no one can see I have physical issues so they won't help. And at times I've said I wish my hands were cut off, rather than being vibrating flippers because they would then know why I drop things, I can't get seatbelt clasps closed, or flip a pancake!
I have much more function in my hands than your vibrating flippers, and they infuriate me! Do you use any assistive devices to help you? I’m not sure what could help you clasp things, but I know there are utensils made for Parkinson’s sufferers...very curious what else is available for us 🤔 or maybe there’s therapy I don’t know about that could help 🤷♀️
After the first 6 months of being scared, a MS diagnosis has brought peace of mind to me. Prior to diagnosis, I was so tired, with brain fog, pain in my legs that was put on ostheoarthitis. My primary care physician kept putting it all on menopause, but I knew something else was wrong.
Now that I've been treated for 2+ years, I feel so much better. I am mostly back to being myself. Yes, there are new limitations but they're nothing (yet) compared to the fatigue, the need to sleep 12 hours/day, the stress to not being able to perform at work.
The good: I really have realized many blessings. My faith has increased tremendously as has my relationship with God. My family and friends have really been there for me as I have deteriorated physically. The bad is I sometimes have a hard time accepting help after years of being the caregiver. The ugly is mostly me when I don’t accept the hey I know I should and end up falling or getting hurt. All in all MS has been more of a blessing than a curse for me. I figure I would have eventually gotten where I am without MS, but I would never have gotten where I am spiritually or in some of the relationships I have without MS. I wish I were physically more able, but that is not the case
I have learned what is really really important to me like family, friends. I love to spend time with them and would rather have more time than more possessions. This is good, and I have always held that belief. Except now, it's more pronounced. Also, I rarely say that I will get to something tomorrow. I always strive to do it now, if I can ~ with much planning! This is the good!
I regret not being able to do things as easily as I could, but only a bit. I have found that with a bit of change, I can accomplish mostly anything. I just need to remove the barriers that I have imagined. Careful planning and adaptability is key!
The ugly ~ I have so much that I still want to accomplish that it makes my teary thinking that I cannot do it all ~ but I will certainly try. The fear of what might become is certainly ugly to me.
The good: this wonderful group of people I have adopted as family. Love you all! I discovered my Button Art.
The bad: not knowing if something new is MS or something else. Early on my kids said I blamed everything on MS because I was discovering why I felt (insert here) and realized it was part of the MS and I wasn't going nuts more than I already am.
The ugly: because of the last sentence I no longer can talk to my family about my pains, fears, etc as they thought I talked about it too much. (I wonder how they would be if diagnosed with an incurable disease.) So except for here I have no place to talk about it.
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