I feel like a certain obsession I’ve been having has held me back in my career for the past 14 years. I’m a lawyer, and started practicing in 2010. The obsession relates to how my work might harm animals. That may sound funny at first, but this anxiety probably traces back to when I was a kid and watched a documentary involving animal cruelty. It showed animals being slaughtered for food. It disturbed me a lot, and I stopped eating meat for about ten years. I do eat meat now, but still try and be conscious about it and avoid buying it from certain places.
As it relates to my law practice- real estate is an area in which many people in the law and many people in general become wealthy. Since the beginning of my practice, I’ve had several opportunities to be a part of a real estate deal, but have shied away each time. The reason is that, as crazy as it may sound, I feel like real estate developments, which may involve excavation and digging in the ground, could cause animals that live under the ground to suffocate and die. If the real estate development involves something like filling in a stream, I think maybe fish will die.
I don’t even know for sure if any of this is true. Making this even more illogical is the fact that most real estate deals involve buying and selling/leasing existing properties where no construction is even needed, and even in cases where construction is needed, it might not involve digging. Even where it involves digging, I have no idea what the chances are, if anything, that an animal will die painfully from it. My main fear is, more so than the animals dying, that they could die painfully. I’ve avoided potential collaborations with people in the real estate industry simply because some of the projects might involve construction.
I wish I could be free mentally to pursue ambitions that others are able to do who don’t have OCD. Tomorrow I have a meeting in the afternoon with two people who own one of the largest real estate leasing companies in my area. I am doing a minor job for them not involving buying or selling real estate now, but our relationship, if things go well, could turn into me doing regular work for them and could exponentially enhance my career. I have a daughter about to be in college, so this would be very helpful for me. I’m worried, though, that my OCD will kick in during the meeting about harm that I might cause if I get involved in real estate with them, and that I will mess things up. Can anyone relate to this? I’d appreciate any advice.
Thanks!
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Winchester2022
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I can relate to what you’re expressing. Not in terms of the specific fear, but how it can effect work. I too struggle with OCD bothering me at work. It will make me anxious to go into work, and it will make me anxious when I’m at work, and when I leave. It will revolve all around my job, and it can be very difficult at times. Remember, OCD pokes at the things that mean the most to us, or when there’s change. So it makes complete sense that this happens with work. OCD on the other hand does not have to make sense with the fear. In fact, the more we try to figure out ocd and what that fear means, the more we get stuck. Know that it’s just a thought that pops in like any other. Don’t give it meaning or power by trying to figure it out, ration with it, or argue with it. Instead try to notice the thought for what it is, just a thought. I know that sounds a lot easier than it actually is. Trust me, I deal with it constantly right now. But know that the more you stick with not doing compulsions, the weaker you make ocd. It might feel super strong in the moment, but as time passes, ocd begins to fade away and weaken.
Thank you FirstResponder23 . It's hard to identify what the compulsions here are? Maybe they are mental compulsions- i.e. trying to figure out what the chances are of an animal being harmed.
I fully understand that as well. May times I have had a hard time with trying to find what my compulsions are in order to try to not do them. My therapist has helped me lay out what the ocd is revolving around and then helped me track my compulsions. If you don’t have a therapist, the book “Healing from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder” by David Keuler does a great job in one of the chapters at laying out types of compulsions (physical or mental) and helping you map out where they are happening and how to identify them. Overall the book is great in helping being mindful of fears. Like what you said about being in a meeting. It can help guide you on if you’re in a meeting, or just with people in general and a thought pops in, on how to mentally reflect on that moment, notice the thought, and just allow it to be there without giving it emotion. It takes practice. I am still working on it. But with a lot of practice and focus, it is possible to achieve.
I think a big step for you is knowing there are mental compulsions. I did not learn this until a year or so ago, and I have been dealing with this for over 12 years now with help. So for me, to just understand that those are compulsions as well is a HUGE advantage over ocd. Because it likes to hide and make you second guess. It made me do that with my mental compulsions because I thought I had to look for actions I was doing like seeking reassurance or checking in the physical aspect. Never did I know I was doing SO MANY mental rituals like hating the ocd, or wishing is wasn’t happening/having it, or wishing my emotions were different (not sad, but wanting to be happy)
Mental compulsions can be neutralizing thoughts. For example telling yourself you would never hurt an animal. When the intrusive thoughts comes into you head you just have to let it be there, let the anxiety build, don’t address it. It’s very hard because you’re changing your brain. It’s used to reacting a certain way and becomes automatic.
Although I do get where you're coming from in wanting to make a little more money - most people would like a little more, and you have your daughter to consider - I think it would be good to get your priorities in order. As a lawyer, you can't be that badly off - the only poor(ish) lawyer I've known was only hard up because he was too lazy to do much work!
A good career, and satisfying work, are worth having. But it isn't, or at least shouldn't be, about climbing the greasy pole or making loads of money. It's about having a good work-life balance, and enjoying your work because it's worth doing, because you're good at it, and it's your way of contributing to society. Of course fair pay should go with a job well done, but success in life can't be measured just in terms of status and money.
I also get your concerns about the effect of real estate on animals - and development does have an effect on the local wildlife. But a good development takes this into account, and makes sure that harm is minimized and that animals still have a habitat and access to food.
If going into real estate interests you genuinely (not just for money) then consider only those developments that are ethical and of benefit to wildlife and people.
I share the concern you have for animal welfare. As a child of about 12 I greatly offended some family friends by getting very upset at their holiday home movies. They'd been to Spain, and the movies included the horrific treatment of bulls in bullfighting, which they had apparently enjoyed. How anyone can be entertained by such cruelty is beyond me.
Don't just put it down to OCD - though it sounds clear that OCD rumination has played its part in your reluctance to involve yourself in real estate. It is good to care. So don't dismiss your feelings.
I want to clarify, though, that I’m not even talking about real estate projects that involve deforestation. I’m talking about projects that are in mostly suburban or urban areas. For whatever reason my main fear revolves around digging in the ground to build foundations. I don’t even know what kind of animals, if any, live underground in these areas. Typically these projects, at least the ones I’m likely to be involved with if I get into that area, involve rebuilding the foundation of an existing building. So, for it to cause harm, there would have to already be animals living under it which I don’t know is the case. So my fears aren’t even based on real research. I don’t know if that changes how you think I should approach it.
Sorry about the delay in replying - I've been really busy, and when not busy, exhausted!
I think perhaps that you are overthinking, though I still think it's good to be concerned for wildlife and animals. I'm not surprised that you were traumatized by your childhood experience of animal cruelty - that sort of thing can stay with you, and so, in many ways, it should. It's experiences like these that hone our sense of sympathy, empathy and care.
Take care in selecting which, if any, real estate projects you get involved in, and make sure they are ethical - for both people and the environment. It sounds as though they're on what are called 'brownfield' sites - sites that have already been built on. Good building projects can actually benefit wildlife and support it.
Take care also to ensure that it's something you actually want to get involved in. Although money is important, don't just chase money and status for their own sake. Do things that are worth doing, and make sure you leave plenty of space in your life for family, friends and having fun!
It's good to be conscientious, but I do appreciate that OCD can make us overly so. Don't dismiss the concerns you have out of hand (and that you have them at all does you credit) but perhaps, before getting involved in a project of this kind, do a little research. Perhaps raise reasonable concerns, if you have them - it could lead to better building projects!
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