Depressed and a lot of anxiety

[Giraffebaby14]

Hi. I'm new here. I'm having anxiety and panic attacks. Since i discover my partner watching x rated videos nearly everyday it made me feel like rubbish. I'm feeling so low. I don't know what to do, I'm so depressed. I hate feeling like I can't trust him no more 😩 feeling that I'm not good enough 😭💔

[Hidden]

Try talking this out with Him, depending on the seriousness of your Relationship here some Women look on this sort of a thing as lacking respect for you and how would this relationship progress over time. To be honest it must make you wonder if this is the case now talk it out, it is down to you what you think and consider, it looks to me it is all down to self gratification and that needs to be approached and if not happy, you walk.

BOB

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Hidden]

I talked with him and his taking all the right steps and making sure I'm ok. But I feel so down, i don't know how to feel beautiful or to make me feel better. My moods are giving so much anxiety and making me scare that it happens again. I hope I feel better with time

[Hidden in reply to Giraffebaby14]

So I watch porn almost daily. I have come to terms with some sensory issues and sexual OCD.

Maybe the porn isnt about you at all but something bigger for your partner?

Get in touch with your love languages! Together....it could be fun!

You are together for a reason and I presume you are attracted to each other....so maybe time to get spicy and intimate! Get selfish in the bedroom ♡♡

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Hidden]

He said to me that is nothing to do with me and that he is attracted to me and he wants to do with me all the time but sometimes I'm tired from a full day of work or taking care of the house and kids. So he watches to release himself. I know is stupid maybe but I give him so much love and we have sex at least 2 or 3 xs a week. Yes have been times that we didn't do it but i don't know just made me feel weird when he always search for specific type. I hope I can get over it because he's doing everything he can to make sure I feel good about myself but I feel so hurt thinking he doesn't want me that my anxiety is high i even have panic attacks x

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Hidden]

We talked everything, I told him how it made me feel like I was nothing. He said his sorry, he explaine that is nothing to do with me not being enough because he feels I'm enough, but sometimes he wants to do something and I'm tired so he does that. But for me it makes me feel like shit specially when he searches for a specific type . I feel low, my self esteem is shit now, my anxiety is high and I have panic attacks. He now is doing everything he can to make everything get better but I just feel really depressed. I think I'll do some therapy.

[Hidden]

Does your partner ignore you in any way or not show affection etc?

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Hidden]

He was neglecting me in attention for quite a while but after we had the conversation, he explain everything to me and i explaining my point of view, he has been very affectionate and he asks me all the time if I'm ok and says that he loves me all the time. I'm happy that he's doing his best but my concern is with myself not feeling pretty, not feeling enough, my self esteem is very low and it wasn't before. For 13 years that we have been together never felt this just now . I think I'll do some therapy to get better.

[Hidden in reply to Giraffebaby14]

Don't let it effect your self esteem, some people watch porn because they like it, not because they aren't attracted to their partners, some people are just interested in porn, there is more porn on the Internet than anything else for a reason.

Stop letting it effect you, go enjoy your partner.

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I need to start thinking more about myself and try to learn to feel better is awful feeling the way I'm feeling now.

[Hidden in reply to Giraffebaby14]

Some Women are not affected by this, they see it is a form of diversion.

Personally I do not bother with it at all.

Some men will grow out of this when they settle down and generally is is a phase they go through. However going on the web for this sort of thing when a Partner is present is not something that would not be acceptable.

You have a decision to make, only you can do that, He may eventually grow out of it.

Consider how your relationship is, is there something lacking, is this the reason or is it to do with it is something to do with a something that is unavailable to him. attraction. of the unachievable ? Some men use this as they have fears of not being a true man and being less of a man, sexually. Not up to the job ?

If it is really getting to you explain, especially if He is doing this in front of you.

Remember people need to understand, life is not generally like that what He wishes for.

Porn ends up as a habit like biting your nails, He needs to grow up, there should be no challenge in the bed room bringing up something that may be unachievable. If He considers what He sees on the screen or literature as achievable or is trying to try various things in bed and you are not able to consider or achieve His needs, you both will have a problem

BOB

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Hidden]

We talked and it has been good this week since we talked we are more connected to each other and sex has been amazing. My problem is my self esteem I need to work on that. It affected me so much that I have panic attacks thinking he will go behind my back and do it again. I know it takes time to heal so I hope I heal.

[Hidden in reply to Giraffebaby14]

I wish you both well, the time is you enjoy each other and learn the needs and expectations you have in a relationship.

Yes Sex is a vital part of a relationship however you need to understand eachothers needs and expectations

Keep a hold, together

BOB

[lizzybk]

I completely understand going through the same . It make you feel terrible and I don’t know what to do ...

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to lizzybk]

It feels so wrong you know. He was doing i didn't know, i always asked him if he watched or whatever and always said i don't like it , he went behind my back. So everytime I was sleeping he was watching, if we had sex 1 x and it wasn't enough he would watch after. It makes me feel awful about myself, even though he is trying to do everything for us to be ok my self esteem now is shit. I hope you feel better than i do. All this panic attacks that I'm having, not being able to trust has been difficult.

[lizzybk]

It does feel wrong . I feel all of the same things as you do and also have anxiety because if it. My situation really feels wrong because we aren’t even being intimate very often so I’m constantly second guessing my self . It’s one of the reasons I sought out a forum hoping to talk about it . When I read your post it was as if I had written it just you being so open and honest gave me the courage to do the same so thank you! At least he is being encouraging and supports UCD to you and your feelings. Mine is not he blows it off and doesn’t let me tell him how I feel . Work in your self esteem I am trying to .

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to lizzybk]

Is so hard to talk about it but I feel that the best thing to do is talk, write, express or we will suffocate thinking about it. I learned now that some things trigger my panic attacks, i have to learn how to help myself but is going to take a while. Try to sit down with your partner and explain how you feel, how is hurting you. For me I never felt I would ever feel so much hurt. You always can talk to me if you want to. I'm going to try and work in my self esteem and I hope it works for you too x

[Daveboy71]

I'm assuming you're female. As a male I would be seeking help for porn addiction. If he won't get it then I don't think you should be tolerating him anymore. You are worth more than that....

[Giraffebaby14 in reply to Daveboy71]

Yes female here. Thank you so much for your reply. I hope he gets the help because I can't cope with feeling like this. I have to learn how to love myself again. I hope I can x