I'm new here, but I need advice...

[onsra]

So I know that I'm another kid in a list of people asking for help, begging for advice... but I feel like I have nowhere else to turn...

I fell in love with someone a while ago, and I fell HARD. But the thing is that I feel like they're losing interest in me. They live in another state, but we used to talk daily and I'd never felt so strongly about any of my partners before.

But lately I find myself riding this horrible roller-coaster, one where I'm waiting for them to text or call me, finding myself in a dark place when they don't, and then when they finally call or text me, I'm on a high I can't get with anyone else. The cycle repeats itself: we joke around and talk, they say I love you and I say it back, reassuring myself that everything will be fine, and then the next day I'm swallowing the lump in my throat because they haven't replied or called me.

I hate this, but I'm too afraid to speak up because I'm afraid that they don't love me enough to care or I'll scare them off because they might not have thought that this relationship would have gotten so serious for me. Because I know they have a life of their own outside of me, and I don't want to seem clingy or needy.

They're still living in their parents' homes, they have schoolwork, and I know they're getting their phone taken away often as of late, which can add to why they might not be calling me. So I know that I'm putting a lot of weight on them just by relying on them to brighten my day, but I can't help it. I really love them...

So... that's my vent. I don't know what I expect from posting this on here, but I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. If you read this and care enough to give any advice, please tell me.

I don't know how to stop this vicious cycle, I feel in pain all the time and I don't even know how I'd be able to get through life without them.

They made me feel like I had a future with them, a future where I would be happy. They always were the optimist out of the two of us, and without them everything seems so dreary and bleak.

I know I sound really desperate and edgy, but I really have no idea what to do...

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Update: I was right, they did lose interest. They broke up with me a few days ago. I was a whole mess the first two days afterwards, and my old habit of hurting myself kicked in again. It was the worst pain I'd honestly been in, I felt like I had nothing to look forward to in the future. But now I'm feeling better? It's strange, I would have thought that I would be sadder for longer. I miss talking to them, and I wish I'd said more to them about how I felt, but I'm afraid to contact them even if they said we could still be friends. It would feel weird and nostalgic talking to them so casually, when I'd thought we would have a future as something more.

Thank you for the wonderful advice that you've given me, and even if it doesn't do me too much good now I was thinking about what you all had said and it did help me get over this break-up. But do you have any thoughts about what I should do? I feel like I would like to keep in touch with them, but they haven't contacted me and I want to give them time and space so I'm not pushing them.

[c_the_poet]

I experienced something similar. I had someone that could get me on a high like no other with a simple message. Different state, different places in life. I never noticed how much I relied on them to cheer me up until they were non responsive for long periods of time because life. Yeah, it is a viscous cycle. I'm trying to enjoy my own company. We stopped talking because life got in the way. I guess my advice would be learn to be okay by yourself. Having a significant other is amazing but it's also unrealistic to thing you are going to be spending every waking moment together. Not sure if that helps. If you need someone to talk to I'm here.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello onsra and welcome. As c_the_poet has said it can be a good thing to learn to enjoy your own company and to be okay by yourself. Have you any particular interests or hobbies? Perhaps it might be useful to see a counsellor as you say the cycle keeps repeating itself. Can you tell us how old you are? Are you still at school like the partner you mention? Best Wishes.

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Onsra

Yes I understand how you feel, also I understand you are still very young. What you need to understand, early Love is so very intensive and many feel the way you do

You live in the States and distance can prove to a real problem when parted from someone you have feelings for. Sometimes people find they have to let go however others find relationships become more intense.

I had a relationship very much the same although it only became a short term problem about three/four weeks.

Sad to say you have decisions to make and only you both decide the best way to go. Do you both feel you can meet up on some form of regular basis. If the relationship has become more mature you may find you can both stand the extended time you are not meeting each other. However you need to be able to discuss the relationship together, and that may be problematic if your Partner feels the relationship cannot last, Does She have the same strong feelings you seem to manifest towards Her.

Sometimes people can make this sort of relationship work, the problem is you will be unable to get to know the person from a distance, this can amount to trust or distrust.

Also it can come down to, : If either of you develop an itch, will you accept you may need to scratch it and the relationship will then become more complex to manage.

No-one here can really advise and personally I do not feel this problem cannot be addressed by either Medication or CBT. Taking advice can become even more problematic especially if you ask friends or family. Knowing from experience Parents may prefer a different approach and that can lead to resentfulness and upset at Home. Asking friends could be problematic when they are young adults, various problems can lead to problems such as envy.

Whatever you decide, I wish you both good luck on what you BOTH decide. You can always return here if needed

BOB

[sweetiepye]

We are here to offer advice. If people didn't have problems what would we do ? I have noticed in most relationships that one person cares a little more than the other, and this can change from time to time during the span of the relationship. Personally, I wouldn't care to play games. to pretend to care more or less, in order to keep the other person interested. I would be more likely to say I love you and want to be with you as much as possible. Is that a problem for you? That kind of attitude. If it is a problem I would save my dignity and say I'm sorry it didn't work out , lick my wounds, and get on with life. You cannot let your happiness depend on another person. They are the desert , not the whole meal. Pam